Lifetimes
by D. Destiny
Summary: Counselor Troi finds herself falling from one precarious situation into another. The story will lead you through time, place and different lifetimes. ***IN-completed and facing MAJOR writer's block!*** Reviews still welcome though :)
1. Default Chapter

Title: "LIFETIMES."  
  
Author: D. Destiny D__Destiny@hotmail.com  
  
Rating: Not sure yet; depends on how daring I'll become. Maybe NC-17 but NO promises ;) For now I'll rate each chapter separately which will_not_be black/white  
  
Pairing: Definitely T/R, but there's also a little P/C  
  
Timeframe: This novel starts about 14 months after Insurrection and spreads over 6-7 years. Even though the draft has been completed before Nemesis there should be no mayor contradictions. (Am I psychic or what? :))  
  
Author's note: As I said the original draft has been finished before I was even aware of the rumoured storylines of Nemesis. I admit that some storylines have been affected by Nemesis'. I've worked on this story for almost two years now and recently the first part has been undergoing extensive re-writing. I've tried to stay true to the characters and to the events in both the TNG series and movies. I have however not yet read the Imzadi novel by Peter Davids or any other TNG books. I was (and still am) lousy at thinking of new names or species.  
  
Reviews: PLEASE!!! On everything. :) Story line; characterisation, discontinuities in the timeline. Language spelling and grammar. A teacher and a computer can do much but there are still mistakes undoubtedly.  
  
Disclaimer: Well, you all know it I'm sure, but to be on the safe side: PARAMOUNT actually OWNES the characters, ships, planets, systems, 4 quadrants and yes...even Data's cat and Picard's fishes. The story itself is mine (YES!!!) Everything you can't find back in the official Starfleet's database in the immediate repercussion of my sick minded work ;)  
  
WARNING: If you're looking for lots of Data, Geordi or Worf then don't look here.  
  
Short summary: The story focuses around Deanna Troi. Just how much can one's heart and mind take before breaking down? How many times can a heart be broken  
  
before the mind starts mingling reality and fears. And what if the final frontier is reached?  
  
Special thanks to: Marina Sirtis; she's been a great inspiration (not that she knows...) and everyone on ms.tv who've kept me writing.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"LIFETIMES"  
  
Prologue  
  
It was dark, darker than it had ever been before. She knew it only seemed that way. Stars don't fade away in a few minutes, lights don't shine less brighter than they did minutes ago. But her mind had darkened, so had her heart.  
  
She was looking into empty space, but that was not what she saw.  
  
It was silent, extremely silent, but she heard their voices.  
  
There was only one sentence going through her mind: "How could he do this?"  
  
A tear rolled down and fell on her dress. The wet spot that had been formed on her chest expanded.  
  
She just sat there, frozen, for five, maybe ten minutes. Suddenly she stood up, grabbed the vase that was at her side, turned around and threw it against the doors of her quarters. The vase broke in a thousand pieces and that was exactly how Deanna felt, broken and betrayed.  
  
~D~ 


	2. Chapter One: A Scattered Heart

Disclaimer:            See previous part

Rating:              lightest one possible (forgot which)

PART 1: **All That Can Go Wrong & All That Can Go Right.**

Chapter One: **A Scattered Heart.**

She had worked all morning and was looking forward to see Will again. Just one counseling session to go.

Lt. McKenzie to Counselor Troi.

"Yes Alex?"

Counselor, I'm afraid I have to cancel my session. I'm not yet done here.

He couldn't have picked a better time.

"That's alright, I'll see you tomorrow at 15.00 hours than."

I'll be there, thank you Counselor.

Deanna quickly stored her files and went to her quarters. There she put on her beautiful beige dress, brushed her hair and after asking the computer the location of Riker she headed off for Ten-Forward.

She would be an hour early, but she was sure Will wouldn't mind.

She entered Ten-Forward and looked around, she spotted Will on the other side; he was talking to a crewmember that came onboard two weeks ago. The woman, she forgot her name, was an old friend of his, she knew that, she also knew they had been romantically involved. Will had assured her that they were just friends now.

They both bursted into laughs and Will grabbed the woman's hands

As she was walking towards them, she suddenly became aware of their emotions: anxiety, affection, love and desire.

She stood still, not sure how to react. The feelings Will had for the woman were clearly more than friendship and vice versa. A whelm of anger came up, she wanted to go over there, confront him with his feelings, his betrayal. She even wanted slap him in his face. But trained to keep her own emotions under control she put her mask on and walked away. The greater the distance between them, the harder she ran.

When she finally had reached her quarters she wasn't able to keep her mask on any longer. Hardly aware of what she was doing she sat on a chair, in front of the window. Her black eyes turned glassy and her mind worked on an incredible speed.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Things had seemed to be going so well between her and Will. Since the reviving of their relationship during the Ba'Ku mission they'd decided to give each other another chance. The past fourteen months had been wonderful. Even though they never told anyone the others quickly found out. According to Beverly one 'could see it on the other side of the quadrant'. Because everybody knew it was a lot easier. The Captain had given them a little speech about making sure that their relation did not affect their professional lives, but aside from that nobody made a point of it. 

A few months ago, she practically moved in with Will. Using his quarters to sleep and eat and hers to store the things that they didn't need daily. 

The first few months she had felt a bit insecure, they had tried to build up a relation before, it never worked out. She didn't know what to expect this time. But as the weeks past by she regained her confidence and pushed away her fears.

She really thought it would work out this time. But now, things had changed. She still couldn't comprehend. "How could he do this?" 

----------------------------------------------------------------

Counselor Troi, please report to Main Bridge immediately. The Captain's call pulled her back to reality.

"Now Sir?"

Yes Counselor, now.

He sounded irritated.

"I'll be right there."

She wondered what was going on up there. When she opened her fists to wipe off her tears she realized that they were bleeding. Her nails had dug deep wounds in her palms. Little trails of blood streamed down to her wrists. For a moment she froze at the sight of her red hands. Than she quickly walked to her wash table and began to wash of the blood. Fortunately made the cold water the bleeding stop. After making sure there was no blood left to be seen by others she changed her dress for her uniform and left her quarters.

On her way up she figured that since Will hadn't come to calm her or to explain the situation to her, they probably hadn't noticed her. Probably because they only had eyes for one another. The longer she thought about it, the more betrayed and hurt she felt, the more furious she became.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Ah, Counselor, there you are." The Captain was standing next to Data at the helm. She clearly sensed the Captain's curiosity.

"We have just received a urgent ComLink from Starfleet Headquarters."

"Oh, what's in it?" 

"We don't know yet." Did the Captain expect her to be able to tell what was inside? They never specially called her when they had to open a ComLink.

"You haven't opened it yet?" 'O heck, no games now.' Restless and irritated she shifted from one leg on the other. The Captain noticed all the Counselor's answer where short and sounded irritated. 

"I can't open it, it's for you." Deanna was surprised, for her? 'Oh, please not another psychological report for all admirals.' She rolled her eyes in despair, a movement not unnoticed by Picard. The Captain told her she could use his Ready Room; the ComLink had already been patched through.

The Android and the bald man watched her as she walked to the Ready Room and disappeared inside. Both had noticed that something was different about her; neither of them could place it.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Will was still in Ten-Forward, Sheila had just left. It was very important that Deanna didn't see them together. At least not yet.

----------------------------------------------------------------

"Computer, open ComLink, authorization Troi-Delta-Two-Nine." The image of admiral Necheyev appeared on screen.

"Admiral." The Betazoid hoped fiercely that she wouldn't have to make another psychological report on Starfleet's admirals.

Commander Troi." 'Commander?' Deanna frowned; it had been a long time since someone called her Commander. Will used her rank occasionally, to tease her... Will.

It was quiet for a few moments. The admiral didn't know how to begin, Deanna didn't want to.

Commander, what I wanted to talk to you about is...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Right than the admiral's offer seemed perfect. She would be away for a while, away from Will, from her memories. That was exactly what she needed, some time for herself to think everything over.

Something inside her told her, or warned her, not to except the offer that easily. She was aware that the admiral was holding information back; Deanna felt she even feared being asked about it. Normally that would have made her very cautious. At his point in time, she couldn't care less.

She was supposed to meet Will in ten minutes in Ten-Forward. Deanna wondered if, if the woman was still with him.

As she walked out his Ready Room he asked her how it went. As an answer he just got and distract and irritated sounding 'fine'. As the doors of the Turbolift closed one could see the surprise on his face.

----------------------------------------------------------------

On her way to her quarters she had to fight to keep control. Therefore she didn't notice the strange looks people gave her, nor did she notice almost running over Beverly in one of the corridors. She felt an incredible amount of anger coming up. In her quarters her emotions took control. She threw around with everything she encountered. Vases, sculptures and books flew through the air, than fell on the floor and splashed apart. Her hands had started bleeding again, harder than before. Traces of blood were left behind on nearly everything she touched. When she picked up the necklace Will gave her almost a year ago memories invaded her mind.

///"I'm not good at picking presents Counselor. I hope you'll like it." He felt a bit insecure.

"Thank you Sir." 

They were on the Holodeck, celebrating her birthday. The setting was, of course, lake El'Nar on Betazed. The entire Senior Staff was present, except for Will; he would be a little late. The Captain had given her a book about the ancient Greek civilization on Earth. She put the book with her other presents: a sculpture from Data symbolizing 'congratulations', flowers and chocolate from Geordi because he 'was even worse at picking presents than the Captain', self bred plants from Beverly and Klingon poetry from Worf.

Eagerly awaiting Will's arrival she kept an eye at the doors. He had been teasing her several days with her birthday, making her curious about his present.

Finally, after waiting an eternity he entered the Holodeck. After he congratulated her for the second time (he'd done it that morning when they woke up) he gave her her present in a rather special way: he kneeled down in front of her, lifting up a flat box, wrapped in silver paper. As he handed over her present he asked, "Deanna, will you become my official date?" The love and hope emanating from him struck her when she looked into his beautiful blue gaze and stole her breath for several seconds. 

"Yes, I do."\\\

---------------------------------------------------------------

She remembered how happy she felt that day, how perfect her life had seemed. Of course Beverly asked them once again when the wedding would be, and of course Will smoothly changed the subject. She made a decision, if he_would_ask she'd accept. They had had too many missed chances because either of them hesitated.

Things felt so right at the time...

---------------------------------------------------------------

Uncontrollable crying now, she lay down on her bed. After a while Deanna fell asleep, exhausted by crying and her hands clenched into fists again.

---------------------------------------------------------------

In Ten Forward Will checked the time. Twelve minutes until Deanna came. He could use that time to make some adjustments Sheila suggested to his Holodeck program. No, he wouldn't. He couldn't risk getting caught.

---------------------------------------------------------------

When she awakened she had only ten minutes left before she was supposed to be on the Holodeck, forty minutes ago she should've been in Ten Forward. Blood had hardened on her hands, leaving traces and piles of a deep red substance. Under a stream of cold water she washed the dry piles of blood away. The eight little wounds themselves were quite an eye catcher much to her dismay. 'How am I going to explain_this_to Beverly?' Going to Sickbay was out of the question, she would have to explain the small lacerations than which wasn't exactly something she was up to just now.

While she was doing her hair she suddenly became aware of Will's present.

*Door bleeps* "Deanna, let me in" All the anger and pain she experienced that day came rushing in again. Tears stung behind her eyes but she refused to let them flow.

"Deanna open up, I know you're in there." He was irritated, even a bit angry but also concerned. Now she stood with her back against the doors, her eyes closed, thinking about what to do.

"Why didn't you show up?"

"I did. ... not." She wasn't ready to confront him yet. "I was busy."

"You could have given me a sign."

"I, I forgot." Again a tear rolled down. She didn't want to hear his voice, to feel his emotions, let alone to look him in the eyes.

"You know, this conversation would be a lot easier if you'd let me in." She couldn't keep it up for much longer and she sensed he became impatient.

"Deanna," She would be late for Mok'Ba'Rah. Deanna wiped away a tear, took a deep breath and opened the doors.

"That's bet-ter." She didn't even look at him; she walked straight into the Turbolift. Confused he followed her. "Where are you going?" Just before the doors closed he got a cold reply "I have an appointment." For some reason he shivered. Something was terribly wrong. Deanna was very upset; he had no idea what could have caused it. But he was more concerned about her showing it. He had learned through the years that she dealt with her own problems in silence. She had built some sort of wall around her emotions. What could have caused that wall to break down?

---------------------------------------------------------------

Deanna put the Turbolift to a halt; she needed a moment to pull herself together. She checked her hands, luckily she had put them in her pockets during her encounter with Will preventing herself from opening the wounds again.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Will thought about how he should handle her while he was enroute to the Bridge. If he would ask her about what was wrong she would evade his questions, she always did. But it was different this time. Normally she hid her own emotions, dealt with them in silence. Now she clearly showed that something bothered her. He_wanted_to help, but he knew her well enough to know she wouldn't allow him to.

Since their time on Betazed she had_always_shielded part of her mind for him. What happened then made her cautious, maybe even scared, to open her mind fully to others again. It had taken him years to realize how much he had hurt her back then. He decided to leave her alone for a couple of days give her the opportunity to sort it out herself and he could only hope she'd ask him for help. If not he would confront her. While thinking all of this over, his concern grew.

"Number One, you're right on time. We will receive new mission-data at 1530h. If you need me I'll be in my quarters."

"Aye Sir." He should cancel his appointments with Sheila; Deanna needed his full attention now.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Deanna, you're late." Beverly tried to seem to be angry but she couldn't help smiling.

"Yes I know, five minutes." The Betazoid replied coldly and started doing her exercises carefully keeping the insides of her hands out of the Doctor's sight. Beverly wasn't sure whether Deanna just acted angry of whether she really was wicked about something. Beverly waited for the laughs to come, but they didn't. For ten minutes each of them worked in silence. Deanna's eyes revealed no emotion, nor did her face. Something about that concerned the red-haired.

"So, ehm, how was your day?" The silence had been broken.

"O, just great!" This was the first time she heard so much sarcasm in Deanna's voice. Deanna let her arms fall along her body and angrily tipped her head backwards while a devilish, hysterical laugh filled the air around her.

"Are you alright?"

"Hmm? Oh, I'm fine." A forced smile appeared on Deanna's face.

"Are you sure?"

"Beverly, I dó know how I feel!" Beverly startled. Deanna fussing someone out like this? Deanna immediately apologized.

"I'm sorry Bev. I didn't mean to react like that. I've just had a rather bad day. I'm sorry."  There was that forced smile again. Deanna sensed Beverly didn't believe her but she did not intend to explain her behaviour. The smile disappeared and both returned to their exercises.

Beverly knew it was more than 'just a bad day'. Deanna always managed to put her own feelings aside, to postpone them so they wouldn't interfere with her professional life. This time the emotions were obviously too strong to hide and_that_,_wasn't_a good sign. Beverly had realized years ago that one day, this might happen, that Deanna wouldn't be able to deal with her emotions alone and that she_did_need help. She had discussed her concern with Jean-Luc and Will several times and they both shared her concern. She had also talked with Deanna about it and she had assured her she would not let it happen. Deanna always changed the subject as soon as possible if the conversation was about her having problems. She never allowed anyone to help her, they all knew that. Beverly had told her many times 'it's no scandal when a counselor needs help herself, after all they're also human like the rest of us". Deanna had never replied to that. Beverly had to find out what caused Deanna to behave like this before she could help her.

"How are things going between you and Will?" Deanna looked embittered. Aside from that there wasn't the slightest response.

"Have the two of you been arguing?" Still no reaction though even her movements expressed her anger now. Beverly lowered her voice

"Deanna, what's bothering you?" The fury beamed off her face. She grabbed her towel. Her movements were brusque, her long ebony curls danced wildly on her back. Before she left she looked Beverly straight in the eyes. In Deanna's eyes she could almost see the fire. For a moment, Beverly feared her.

 She held still for a while, trying to get her emotions under control. On the Holodeck her emotions almost, almost came to a head.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Will, I need to speak with you."

"About what?" He replied, surprised with the hurry in her voice.

"About Counselor Troi." He jumped up from his chair.

"Is something wrong with her?"

"Nothing physical if that is what you mean." From his reaction she could tell he knew what she meant.

"We'll talk in the Ready Room."

"Doctor Crusher to Captain Picard."

Yes Doctor?

"Captain could you come to your Ready Room, there's someone I want to talk to you about." 

I'm on my way. He stored his flute. He thought he already knew about whom she wanted to talk. In fact, if no one else would have started about it, he would've.

"Will, before Jean-Luc gets here, have you and Deanna been fighting?" He answered instantly

"No, we haven't. She seemed perfectly fine when she left this morning. I've only seen her very briefly since." The doors slid aside and the Captain of the Enterprise-E walked in. 

"Doctor, Number One."

"Sir." They replied in common.

"Now, about who did you want to talk?" He straightened his uniform and raised his left eyebrow.

"About Counselor Troi Sir."

---------------------------------------------------------------

In her office was Deanna going through the information admiral Necheyev had sent her. She had closed her mind so the emotions of those on the ship wouldn't distract her; her own thoughts and emotions performed that job just fine.

---------------------------------------------------------------

That they had discussed this matter before proved to be of good help. Now that their prediction had come true, they were prepared. Now they needed to pinpoint the cause of Deanna's breakdown. 

They exchanged thoughts but weren't able to determine the cause.

"Number One, are you sure you haven't missed something?"

"I can't think of anything." It was quiet for a few moments. Each of them plunged in their thoughts.  

"I don't know Deanna as good as you do Will, but I know her well enough to know she will not allow anyone to help her." The Captain was the first to break the silence.

"A counselor counsels, if she herself needs to be counseled she isn't a good counselor." That sentence just popped up. The two men looked at her in a rather strange way.

"Deanna told me that once, a long time ago." She explained.

"If that's how Deanna feels about it than..."

"All we have to do is make her change her mind." Will finished the Captain's sentence. Beverly and Jean-Luc frowned. 'How simple it seems...' They all knew that making Deanna change her mind wouldn't be half as easy as it sounded.

"Okay, but what can we do for now?" Again silence

"Well..." Will began hesitatingly.

"If we would make an attempt to help or confront her, she will reject us. In that case we'll probably achieve the exact opposite from what we're hoping to achieve." He sighed deeply and had a desperate look in his eyes.

"But if we wait, we run the risk of being too late to help her at all." The female countered 

"You're right of course. You have spoken to her not so long ago, haven't you?"

"Yes, I did. She evaded my questions. Her anger just beamed of her face, she was embittered and cattish."

"I've had several complaints from crewmembers about her behaviour."

"Complaints?"

"Well a combination of concern and complaint actually." Beverly and Will saw Jean-Luc was working on a conclusion, therefore they kept quiet.

"Well than, I think we should give her sometime for herself. If she doesn't seem better in two days we will talk to her about it. In the mean time we'll have to keep an eye on her. You're dismissed." It sounded logical, she had to admit. After all Will knew Deanna better then anyone. But there were things he didn't know or understand.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Deanna was, instead of reading the information, thinking about the past.

///She was having lunch with her friends in one of the parks surrounding Betazed's university. A few meters behind them stood a group of young men, not much older than they were. One of them, probably the youngest had taken an interest in her but he was too shy to introduce himself to her. They had seen him for the past four days. Her friends teased her; they conveyed his thoughts to her; while talking aloud. They usually communicated verbally because Deanna's psilo-synine production lobe hadn't fully developed, therefore communicating telepathically constantly exhausted her. 

~Our 'friend' likes you. You know, he thinks you're very beautiful.~ It flattered her.

"Gee, that class was boring! Triax definitely needs to work on his charisma."

"Give her a break will you, she's new and not much older than we are." Deanna fell back in her 'protecting-modus' as her friends had dubbed it. 

~Sarah, will you stop this.~ 

"Well, maybe not technically..." The half-Betazoid picked up an Zia and threw it to her friends.

"That'll teach you." But Sarah also picked one and threw it back to her; a Zia fight broke loose, the little blue berry-like balls flew through the air and the girls good hardly keep themselves from falling on the ground from luaghing. Tears streamed down their faces.

From a distance Will watched the fight with interest. Even from this distance her could see her eyes sparkling with laughter. She was without a doubt the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.

~Come on Dee, go talk to him.~ But she was too shy. Of course her friends had picked that up very quickly. Their fight had seized and each of them was busy tho catch their breath. 

~Dee, we know you like him, just admit it.~ She looked at him, but quickle cast her eyes down when she realized that he had been watching them all a long.

 ~Well, he is looking good isn't he?~ From under her long eyelashes she looked at him again, making sure he didn't see her gaze.

"We have to go, class starts again in 10 minutes." ~I bet he'll be there tomorrow.~ Her friends started walking towards him. To exit the park they didn't have to pass him at all, but naturally they found away to pass him after all. And when they did her friends had their comments ready.

~Dee, you sure picked one with a nice ass.~ She had never been so happy about communicating telepathically. They quickly walked further, giggling. He turned around to find out why they were laughing. That was the first time she looked him in the eyes, embarrassed and nervous she looked down and took off, leaving him wondering what was so funny. That ignorance made him feel insecure.\\\

----------------------------------------------------------------

Deanna pulled herself back to the present, back to reality. She had to think of an excuse for not being with Will this evening.

"Troi to Riker, I'm having dinner with Beverly tonight, don't wait up." It was a short and cattish message. She didn't give him the chance to respond. He was about to re-establish com-communications when he remembered what they had agreed on that afternoon. He had just returned from Sheila, he had explained to her why they couldn't see each other for a while. She was disappointed. She enjoyed the time they had together, running the risk of being caught by Deanna, the complexity and tension it brought to her life. But she understood his reasoning.

Will hoped Beverly would be able to figure out what was bothering Deanna.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

In contrary to what Will believed Deanna wasn't having dinner with Beverly, it was merely a deceive so he wouldn't come looking for her. It was a precaution, she didn't expect him to, he would probably see it as an opportunity to spend the evening with his secret girlfriend. Tears welled up again. In her hands she had a picture, she and Will were both on it. It had been taken a few days after they first met. She became lost in thoughts yet again.

~D~


	3. Chapter Two: The Change of a Lifetime

Disclaimer:       See the very first part.

Rating:             Girl-talk parts…see for yourself no higher then PG in MHO.

Chapter Two: **The Change of a Lifetime**.

///She quickly got used to his presence during her breaks. Will had found out exactly when she would be free and made sure he was at the right place in the right time. She didn't know much about him, his name was Will Riker, he was a Starfleet Officer currently stationed at Betazed. She could sense when he was looking at her and, frankly, she liked it. Her friends sensed she was falling in love with him but she kept denying.

The first time they actually talked, even though it was very brief, began as a disaster. When they passed him Jashlyn pushed her against his back. He turned around and looked at her. She quickly said 'sorry' and hid her head for shame. In an attempt to make her laugh Sarah suggested with a face of steel

~Why his back? I would have picked a way better place to grab.~ Jashlyn bursted into laughs Deanna tried not to, but when he said

"It's all right." She couldn't help it anymore. Now Sarah as well had a fit of giggles. Unable to stop laughing they walked away. Confused he watched them leave. After that encounter she was convinced he would never talk to her again.

When she saw him again, the next day, her face turned red out of embarrassment. She sensed her friends were up to something and therefore decided to stay alert. By the time they headed back for collage she had forgotten. Two or three steps away from Will, she suddenly became aware of her friends' plan.

~Don't you dare!~ she warned them. But it was too late. They had tripped her over. Their little scheme worked; Will came rushing over to help her up. She was extremely embarrassed and wished she could vanish into nothing. She sensed he was quite happy with this opportunity though.

"Dee, are you all right?" Sarah asked her loudly. She apparently thought it was very funny, she didn't show but she thought it.

~Yes, I'm fine.~ Deanna responded telepathically.

~Thanks a lot.~ She sarcastically added.

"Well are you?" He asked. How foolish of her, he wasn't telepathic.

"Yes I'm fine." She said loudly now.

"We really have to go now, would you mind bringing her home? Just in case something is wrong."

"Sarah!"

"Of course not." He answered with a grin.

"Thank you. We'll see you tomorrow Dee." Jashlyn said.

~It's up to you know.~ Sarah added telepathically.

~Don't you leave me alone with him!~ Deanna responded telepathically as well, but her friends left, innerly laughing.

~Tomorrow we want to know what exactly happened.~ Not knowing where to look Deanna kept her eyes on the ground. She was nervous, thank god, so was he.

"Your friends care a lot about you." 'Yeah sure' she thought.

"Yes, they do." She answered.

"I'm Will Riker." When she didn't respond he did.

"You're Dee, right?"

"Actually it's Deanna." 'Dammit Deanna, you can at least_try_to be nice' she said to herself.

"Deanna Troi. Thank you for your help." They shook hands and she gave him the biggest smile she had. 

"Don't mention it." For a while neither of them knew what to say. She felt he was shy and nervous and that he was excited about this chance to get to know her. It was amazing how easily she could read him.

"So, erm, where do you live?"

"I'm sorry?" She was a bit overwhelmed by this question.

"I promised your friends I'd bring you home, remember?" He looked deadly serious, but he was just kidding.

"That's right, but I'm not allowed to bring strangers home." She replied with a face of steel.

"Well, than we have no other choice but to learn about on another." she would like that, but she decided to tease him a bit more.

"Actually, I've got class now." "Than, aren't you too late?"

"Oh, it'll work out."

"I would still like to see you again." That was exactly what she was hoping for.

"Maybe we could see each other tonight." His insecurity brought a smile onto her face. 

"I'd love to." His heart made a little jump, and so, did hers. They agreed on time and place and said goodbye. She couldn't wait to see him again.\\\

----------------------------------------------------------------

In his quarters Will was waiting for Deanna. He wanted to talk to her that same night because he wouldn't be able to talk to her the next morning. So he waited, but the hours went by and Deanna didn't show. He figured she and Beverly could make it late once they started talking. He decided to wait another hour before going to bed.

----------------------------------------------------------------

///Deanna changed her clothes for at least five times, she still wasn't happy about her looks but she had to hurry, otherwise she'd be late.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

After they had had a drink and danced they went to the park. There they sat down by one of the fountains and talked.

"I still have to apologize." She began.

"For what?"

"Remember when I pushed you yesterday?" Little twinkles emerged in his eyes.

"Yes, I do. But you have apologized for that." 

"No, I meant to apologize for my behaviour after that."

"O, you mean the laughing." He said amused, knowing she was embarrassed by it.

"Yes." She said remorseful. He looked in those beautiful dark-brown eyes of her; they revealed how she felt, but they kept secrets as well. It intrigued him.

"Apologies excepted. While we're at it, what made you laugh?" She turned her head away; thinking about it almost made her laugh again.

"Oh, just a childish remark one of my friends made." He was surprised.

"I don't remember them saying something funny." She forgot, she hadn't told him she was Betazoid yet. In the past un-Betazoid friends had always been a bit setback by her empathic abilities.

"That's not that strange, she made it telepathically." She closely watched how he reacted to that confession.

"You're a Betazoid." He stated. He didn't seem upset or angry she hadn't told him sooner. He was a little amazed and surprised. Fortunately he didn't mind, at least, not yet.

"You didn't guess?" For a moment he thought about that.

"Now that you mention it...you_do_look like a typical Betazoid. Dark hair, dark eyes...there is one thing though..." She tipped her head and quizzically captured his gaze.

"You're far more beautiful than any Betazoid I've seen before." Her cheeks flushed and a smile curled around her lips.

"Half Betazoid actually." 

"Half?"

"My mother is Betazoid, my father was human." They looked at each other for a few seconds.

"Is that why you and your friends talk aloud most of the time?" Slowly Deanna nodded and then laughed when she sensed him kicking himself mentally.

"So, are you reading my thoughts now?" She smiled, he could easily see the sparklings in her eyes.

"If I was, would you mind?"

"Well..." His cautious look made her laugh; something which immediately infected Will as well.

"To comfort you, I can only telepathically communicate with other telepaths. Unlike true Betazoids I can't read your thoughts."

"I can't say I'm sorry about that to be honest." He said with a big grin on his face. She was glad he spoke the truth instead of trying to lie.

"Aren't Betazoids empathic as well?" 

"Yes they are. My empathic abilities are somewhat more enhanced than full Betazoids."

"But if your father is human, how can that be?" He couldn't place the look on her face.

"My mother is 'daughter of the Fifth House of Betazed'." Deanna rolled her eyes and shook her head desperately from one side to another. Her expression made Will laugh; she obviously wasn't too happy with that title. "All members of that heir line have enhanced abilities compared to other Betazoids." 

"So you're some sort of princess?"

"Not quite." She answered laughing. Again they just looked at each other for a few moments.

"So, erm, did your parents met like this as well?" The smile on her face disappeared, so did the sparklings in her eyes. He realised he'd come to a sensitive subject.

"If you don't want to talk..." Normally she wouldn't but he made her feel safe and sound. Something inside her told her she could talk to him about it.

"It's alright. I don't know how they met. My mother doesn't want to talk about him."

"They are divorced?" The expression on her face now turned to sadness. Maybe he should change the subject.

"No, no, he died when I was seven." She looked away.

"I'm sorry." He laid his hand on her shoulder. She sensed his sincere compassion. Than she allowed him to do something she never had allowed anyone. She let him pull her against his him. Deanna laid her head against his chest. They sat like that for ten, maybe fifteen minutes. There was something about him that broke away her barriers; she had never felt it before. Suddenly she realised she had to go home. She pulled her head up and hit his chin. They bursted into laughs.

"I'm sorry, I have to go." She said when she had recaptured her breath. She would love to stay longer. Deanna sensed his disappointment.

"Why?"

"I promised my mother to be in before midnight. She's pretty overprotecting I'm afraid."

"Well you seem a mature woman to me." The twinkles in her eyes were back.

"Betazoids don't reach maturity until they pass their forties."

"In that case you're probably just a baby." She laughed.

"Hmm, not exactly. How old are you?"

"Twenty-five" he replied.

"Well, than I'm younger."

"How much younger?" She didn't say anything and just when he thought she wouldn't answer she asked:

"Honestly?" 

"Always."

"In that case..." she lowered her voice now. "Thank you for tonight, I had a really great time."

"So did I." He replied a bit dazzled. They looked each other in the eyes and at that moment Deanna felt she knew him through and through. He bend towards her, bringing his face very close to hers. He softly kissed her on her cheek.

"Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Definitely." She answered. They started walking to her home, the temperature was dropping fast now. Deanna started to shiver. Will put his arm around her in an attempt to keep her warm. Suddenly she stopped.

"Okay, I'm home now." He looked around.

"But I don't see a house."

"That's right, it's about half a mile down the road."

"I can walk that part too you know." He only pretended being offended.

"I don't question it." She said with a big grin. "But it would be better for both of us if you didn't." He was surprised and a little worried. What was going on? Was there something she was embarrassed about, something she was afraid he'd find out? Deanna sensed his curiosity and his concern.

"Go on, I'll survive, don't worry." To seal her promise she kissed him, it was a long and passionate kiss, she felt it through her entire body. Knowing that if she didn't go now she wouldn't, she softly pushed him away.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She whispered in his ear before she turned around and walked away. Will watched her disappearing in the darkness of the night. On his way back he thought about Deanna, about the time they had spent together. He had been attracted to her since the first day he saw her. Her deep dark-brown eyes intrigued him, they revealed a lot, yet they also kept secrets. Her long, curly dark hair was beautiful and it smelled like spring. Her skin was smooth and soft. He felt at ease in her presence, which wasn't the case with telepaths or empaths in general. She had such a beautiful and charming smile and than the twinkles in her eyes. He was totally in love with her.

Deanna thought about Will as well. He was a very simple and big-hearted person; that's what attracted her. He had been so sweet and understanding, even though they only knew each other for less than a day she felt as if she knew him for much and much longer. He knew exactly what to say and when. She looked forward to the next day, when she'd see him again, she was desperately falling in love. Just a few metres from home now Deanna wondered if her mother would be very upset, she still treated her like a little child. Before she even touched the door the hassle began.

~Little One, why are you so late?~ ~It's not late mother and stop calling me 'Little One'.~

~You know I expect you home before midnight.~ Deanna walked into the living room.

~I can take care of myself.~ She said as she walked by her mother who was sitting in a chair.

~Deanna, lot's of things can happen out there.~ 'Yeah, I might get eaten by a really big mouse' Deanna thought sarcastically.

~Don't you behave like that to your mother Little One.~ She really wasn't in the mood to argue all night with her mother.

~Will you stop being so paranoia. I'm not a little girl anymore.~

~I can't allow anything to happen to you, I'd never forgive myself.~

~Mother stop protecting me like this, it's not fair you don't let me have my own life because of what happened to daddy!~ Deanna immediately regretted she said that. She could feel he mothers pain. She kneeled down in font of Lwaxana.

~Mom, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way.~ Lwaxana looked at her daughter.

~I know Little One, but I want to keep you safe as long as possible, you're all I got left. Maybe you'll understand when you're married and have kids of your own. Whenever that may happen.~

Deanna decided not to react on that. She smiled and gave her mother a kiss.

~I'm going to bed now, goodnight mother.~

~Goodnight Little One.~ Lwaxana was somewhat surprised about Deanna's behaviour. Normally she strongly object to her nickname 'Little One' and their arguments were hardly ever solved this quick. She wondered what her daughter had been doing tonight.

Deanna was in her bedroom, she undressed and brushed her hair. In bed she thought about Will, about what they would do the next day. Right before she fell asleep she looked at the picture off her father, she wondered how her parents had met and decided to ask her mother tomorrow.\\\

----------------------------------------------------------------

Deanna stood up from her chair, her back hurt. How long had she been sitting there?

"Computer, what is the time?"

24.36 hours. She had been sitting there for almost three hours, no wonder her back hurt. She walked over to the replicator.

"Hot chocolate." She took the cup and walked to her closet; there she put her chocolate on a shelve. She slowly unclothed and put on a nightgown. She brushed her teeth and softly brushed her hair. After that she sat down on her bed and drank her hot chocolate. She dimmed the lights and lay down. Deanna tried not to think about Will, not about the present, future or past. For the first time that day she didn't feel any anger, she knew it was there but she didn't feel it. All she felt now was nostalgia, hurt and sadness. Once again she became lost in thought.

------------------------------------------------------------------

///~Good morning mother.~ Deanna was in a good mood.

~Good morning Little One.~ Because of her good mood Deanna didn't object.

~Hmm, that smells good.~ She sat down.

~You're in quite a mood today. This wouldn't have anything to do with last night, would it?~ She looked at her mother, trying to figure out how much she knew.

~What do you mean.~ She would play ignorance itself.

~Like you don't know. So, when am I going to meet him?~

~What makes you think I wasn't with Sarah and Jashlyn?~ Deanna immediately regretted asking. Lwaxana smiled.

~Because Sarah contacted me last night to ask if you were home yet.~ She didn't want to tell her mother about Will, knowing she'd come up with a thousand reasons why he wouldn't be the right guy for her. Either that or Lwaxana would begin setting up the wedding ceremony; either way it would be a disaster.

~I'm going to be late for class.~ Deanna hoped she'd get away with that.

~Isn't talking to your mother more important than going to those boring classes?~ Well, she didn't get away with it.

~They won't kill you for missing one dear.~

~I have to go mother.~ 

~I wonder what it was that made you such a dull and brave little girl Little One.~ Deanna took a deep breath and sighed. ~Mother I'm not little anymore and stop calling me...!~

~Little One, yeah, yeah I know.~ Deanna kissed her mother goodbye and left before she could start another argument.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

At University Sarah and Jashlyn kept questioning about the night before, she told them as little as possible.

~So, when will you se him again?~

~During our break, at the park.~

~And tonight?~

~I don't know yet.~

~So, are you in love with him?~ They sensed she was, they just wanted her to admit it.

~Well, he is very sweet and good-hearted.~

~And...?~

~And... we had a great time last night.~

`So...?`

~So, I guess you could say I like him, a lot.~ They giggled.

"Miss Troi and friends would you mind paying attention to the class?"  They had to hold back their laughs, the professor caught them, thank God he wasn't telepathic.

---------------------------------------------------------------

She caught up with Will in the park and introduced him to her friends. They didn't embarrass her much more than she had expected. Though their telepathic evaluations didn't stop for a singly second.

---------------------------------------------------------------

That night they decided to stay in the park. They only knew each other for less than two days yet it seemed as if she had known him all her life and she knew he felt the same way. When they spend the evening together she even heard his thoughts occasionally.. That amazed her, it even frightened her a bit. Her mother had explained she wouldn't be able to read the minds of those who weren't telepathic. She wondered why she was able to read Will's. He suddenly had a naughty look in his eyes.

"Let's dance."

"Here?" She couldn't dance in the middle off the park; everyone would see them.

"Why not?"

"But... there's no music."

"You're afraid people will recognize you." His sudden statement startled both of them.

"How do you know?" That was indeed how she felt, but how could he know?

"I'm not sure, I, sort of, felt it." She knew he expected her to explain but she had no explanation. 

"So, are we going to dance or what?" That was what she liked about him; he would jump over problems, not keep wondering about how things were possible. He sniffled.

"Alright, we'll dance." How could she refuse him anything? He stood up, made a bough and asked her for her hand. She laid her small, elegant hand in his and he guided her to an open spot in the park. He pulled her towards him and she laid her arms around his neck and looked at his face.  He looked at Deanna, she was so beautiful and the moonlight made her look even more gorgeous. He never thought there could be a woman whom he loved so much in such a short period of time, they only knew each other for two days. Suddenly he became aware of her feelings again. He felt her love for him was just as immense as his but, that for some reason, she tried to fight it. Her eyes were beautiful, they revealed exactly how she felt. He could see she was insecure, even a bit scared. He pulled her closer and she laid her head on his shoulder.  

She couldn't describe how she felt; she had never felt like this before. She remembered something her father had once told her, she had asked him if someone would ever love her the way he did.

"Deanna, I'm convinced that one day you'll meet someone who will sweep you of your feet, he will become very soon very special to you and that, no matter how much you resist or how hard you'll run away, you will fall in love with him and he will be more precious to you than the entire galaxy. And with a bit of luck he'll feel exactly the same about you."

"Who is he daddy, when will I meet him?" She had asked. Her question and enthusiasm had made him laugh.

"I don't know sweetheart. But when you meet him, you will know."

"How daddy, how?"

"You'll feel it, when you look him in his eyes you will know. Deanna, promise me that if you meet this person you will not run away, scared by your own feelings. Falling in love is always scary."

"I promise daddy." A tear rolled down Deanna's face. Will made a step backwards and saw the tear.

"Deanna." He whispered. She lifted her head up, looked at him with her big, sad looking, dark eyes, another tear welled up. Will softly wiped it away with the palm of his hand. She was beautiful. He kissed her, it was a soft and gentle kiss. At that moment Deanna let her self go, following her fathers advice. Hesitantly at first, later she threw away all her frights and doubts. Their kiss became more passionate, more uncontrollable. The amount of love overwhelmed her, frightened her. She stepped back, he could see the fear in her eyes, he felt her mixed emotions.

"I'm sorry." She said. Deanna turned around and ran away. On her way home she thought about the night. She was ashamed she had run away like that. But she had to, she couldn't stay a second longer. She loved him, she knew that. He loved her too, she knew that as well. But it all seemed too natural, it was too much and too easy for her to understand. Part of her wanted to see him again, part of her didn't.  Puzzled and scared by her own emotions she came home. Lwaxana immediately knew there was something wrong with her daughter.

~Little One, what happened?~ Deanna needed a few moments to catch her breath.

~Mother, was daddy able to read your mind? Could he sense your emotions?~ Lwaxana didn't respond.

~Mother answer me!~ Deanna needed to know, maybe than she could better comprehend her own feelings.

~I don't want to talk about him Little One.~

~You never want to, but I do! He was my father I have the right to talk about him!~ Lwaxana turned her back to Deanna.

~Don't do this darling.~

~Tell me!~ A long period of silence followed; the only sound Deanna heard was that of her own rapid breathing. Eventually a soft sigh proceeded her mothers answer

~Yes, he could.~ Deanna sighed, finally. Lwaxana slowly turned back.

~How did you meet.~ It took a moment before her mother answered.

~I was on Earth, for some incredibly boring congress or something like that. I was on my way to yet another dull lecture when your father bumped into me. He apologized and offered me a drink to make it up. I figured that drink would be more interesting than the stupid lecture. Now, why are you so upset?~ Deanna knew her mother was trying to change the subject but she had told her what she wanted to know so she didn't  mind.

~Remember you told me I can't read thoughts of not-telepathic species?~

~Yes, I do.~

~Than tell me why I'm able the read Will's thoughts.~

~Will? That wouldn't be the man you were with last night?~ Her mother sat down on the couch, slapping her hand besides her, indicating Deanna to sit down as well.

~Yes, that one.~ Deanna sat down.

~Who is he?~ Her mother curiously asked. There was another reason why she asked it, but Deanna could pin it down.

~He's a human Starfleet officer.~

~Tell me, can he read your thoughts as well?~ Deanna thought about that for a brief moment.

~I'm not sure, maybe. But he can feel my emotions.~ Lwaxana's face turned hard and embittered, she stood up. 

~Deanna, I don't want you to see that human again.~

~Why not?~ Deanna was surprised by the urge in her mothers voice.

~Just because.~ There was that irritating habit of her mother again. She forbid her so many things without giving any explanation.

~'Just because' won't do this time. You have to come up with a better reason, because I do want to see him again.~ Her mother didn't say anything. Deanna tried to read her mind but as always Lwaxana shielded part of it.

~It has to do with you and dad right?~ She knew she was right.

~Mother, I'm not you, I'll never be. Just because something terribly to daddy doesn't mean it'll happen to me...or Will too.~ Deanna felt sorry for Lwaxana, but she had to know.

~Mother, how can he be able to read my emotions?~ Her mother took a deep breath and sat down again, refusing to answer in anyway.

"KaRa Mother!" Her daughter's verbal screaming startled the elder Troi.

"You'll either tell me or I swear I'll run away with him to where ever it is where you won't be able to find us!" For a painfull moment the Betazoid Ambasador regarded her daughter in disbelief.

~You wouldn't.~

"Oh, try me!" Lwaxana closed her eyes in dispair, mentally praying, 'please, don't let it be true. Don't put my Little One through that horror as well.' Demonstratically Deanna began to walk to the front door. Lwaxana quickly decided on the best course on action to take.

~Little O...Deanna, I'll explain, don't go.~

~Promise me you won't hide anything from me.~

~I promise.~ Only when Lwaxana had made that promise Deanna turned around and walked back to her mother. 

"Betazoids believe there's a special link between two people who are 'meant to be' and that the love between such a couple has no boundaries." The Daughters of the Fifth House of Betazed talked practically the entire night about the concept of 'Imzadi'.

When Deanna was about to head off for University the next morning the door bleeped.

~Come in.~ Nothing happened.

"Come in." At least in this way they knew that the one who was about to enter wasn't a Betazoid. The doors opened and Will walked in.

"Will" she was surprised and happy to see him.

"Deanna, I was hoping to walk you to class, I want to talk to you." Lwaxana entered the room.

"So , this is the famous Will Riker." Deanna took a deep breath, Will squeezed his eyes wondering who Lwaxana was. She looked a lot like Deanna so he figured she was her mother. Deanna took a deep breath.

~Mother please, behave.~ "Will, I'd like to introduce my mother." Lwaxana held up her hand, expecting Will to kiss it. Fortunately he got the hint.

"Enchante, Madam." His politeness pleased her mother.

"Lwaxana Troi, daughter of the Fifth House of Betazed, heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed and holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Troi." Will wanted to talk to Deanna, not to her mother.

"Well, well Mr. Will, am I not good enough for you?" Lwaxana insulted asked. A flush occurred on his cheeks. 

"I, uhm, I actually came to see your daughter." He stammered.

"I see. So what is it scum like you want from my daughter?"

"Mother!" Deanna screamed out. How could she embarrass her like that? Luckily for him Will was able to hold his face.

"I wanted to speak with her for a minute."

"About what?"

"Mother, that's none of your business." Deanna mingled into the conversation.

"But Little One..." Lwaxana wanted to object but Deanna didn't give her a chance.

"Stop calling me Little One!" She turned to Will.

"We'll talk in my room, it's more..." She gave Lwaxana a sarcastic look. "...quiet, there." Lwaxana looked disapproving at her daughter.

~Ok, I got the message Little One, I'll go do some grossaries, what ever that may be.~ Insulted Lwaxana walked away to get her coat. ~I have to admit though, he's not a bad catch. No, not at all. His behind is certainly better than your last catch.~ 

"Mother!" Deanna shouted. Will looked at her, wondering what Lwaxana had told her daughter.

Her room was exactly how he had imagine, cleaned, order and with lots of pictures.

"Have a seat." They both sat down on the bed.

"I'm sorry about last night, I shouldn't have run away like that." He knew she felt guilty.

"Don't worry about it." He assured her.

"I guess I was scared, overwhelmed." She saw in his eyes she didn't have to explain. She wanted to apologize for her mothers behaviour but he was one step ahead.

"Apologies aren't necessary. All parents can be difficult." 

"You read my mind." She stated.

"You can read mine." He replied. "Do you have an explanation for that." She didn't want to explain what her mother had told her, maybe she'd do that later.

"I know it's a good thing." They just looked at one another for a while, trying to figure out what the other felt or thought. "I don't know if I should say this, we only know each other for a few days, but I honestly believe I'm in love with you." Deanna knew he was telling the truth and was flattered.

"I think I'm in love with you as well." She whispered. She wouldn't run away anymore, she would give herself over to her feelings. Will stood up, assuming he wanted to leave she stood up as well. He gently waved a lock of hair behind her ear. He wanted to kiss her so badly but he wasn't sure it was the right time. Sensing his hesitation and insecurity Deanna took the first step and kissed him. She could feel the love in every part of her body. For a moment the galaxy seemed to exist of nothing but their emotions and their love for each other. Deanna knew it would never fade away.\\\

---------------------------------------------------------------

Deanna's eyes were closed, yet a tear rolled down on each side of her face. It was impossible to tell whether she was a sleep or not.

---------------------------------------------------------------

When Will woke up he turned over to kiss Deanna good morning. But she wasn't there, in fact, her side of the bed hadn't been slept in. He wondered where she could have spend the night. At Beverly's quarters? No, that was highly unlikely, Deanna never wanted to be a burden for someone. In her old quarters maybe? That was the most logical answer but why hadn't she come home? He was extremely worried about her, why did she avoid him? Unfortunately he had no time to find out, he had the Bridge Watch, besides knowing Deanna she would come to him when she was ready. He intended to talk with Beverly later on.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Deanna slowly woke up. She felt better now, her anger had slipped away, she was rested. For half an hour she stayed in bed, than got out and dressed. She took some Velarian root tea and opened her counseling schedule. A message popped up.

Goodmorning Beauty. I missed you last night. How was your dinner last night, did you have fun?  It was strange to wake up without you by my side. His face turned serious now.

Deanna, I'm worried about you, I wish I could talk to you but I have the Bridge Watch. I hope I'll see you this afternoon. Love you. He gave her a handblown kiss and disappeared. She never thought he could be so hypocritical, she had to fight to keep her fury under controll. Looking at the schedule the monitor displayed, she realised that listening to other people whining was the last thing she wanted to do right now. Deanna tapped her CommBadge

"Troi to Picard" She would keep the conversation as short as possible.

Yes Counselor.

"Captain, I want permission to cancel my counseling sessions today." Jean-Luc could hear her fury in every word.

Permission approved. Deanna tapped her Badge out. It was strange the Captain hadn't asked for an explanation but she couldn't be bothered by it.

"Computer, cancel all counseling sessions for today."

All sessions are cancelled. Deanna lent back and took a sip of her tea. She tried to relax, using an ancient Betazoid exercise, but it didn't work. Restless as she was she decided to go to the Holodeck to loose some energy and anger.

~D~


	4. Chapter Three: The Darkness of the Soul

Disclaimer:       like I said before: have a look at the first part

Rating:             PG I think…

Chapter Three: **The Darkness of the Soul.**

It was quiet on the Bridge, there was nothing to do but to keep the Enterprise on course. Geordi and Data had run a complete check up on the engines for the past two days. When they had finished they would check the computer system. Will thought about Deanna, he desperately wanted to find out what was bothering her and why she avoided him. He also thought about Sheila, he regretted they couldn't continue what they had started for now, but they couldn't risk Deanna finding out. When they had started they were aware of that risk and had taken the necessary precautions. He wondered if Deanna had noticed him slipping out their quarters at night. Normally he would've met Sheila now, but in her current status Deanna was unpredictable. Too impatient to wait any longer he relinquished command to one of the lieutenants and went to Sickbay.

---------------------------------------------------------------

On the Holodeck Deanna had tried to do some Mok'Ba'Rha exercises but she wasn't able to concentrate good enough. Now she had started a program her mother gave her a long time ago, the day after Will had pulled off the wedding to be precise. In that time she had also experienced immense, uncontrollable fury. For two days she had been acting devilish, and that was an understatement. She had fussed out anyone at any given time; complete stranger who just happen to cross her way, professors, her mother and even her closest friends. They understood her and gave her the time and space she needed. It was in those days her mother had given her the program. You could compare it to some kind of boxing but it wasn't the same. It were the days afterwards that had concerned those around her the most: she didn't talk for almost a week, she didn't express emotions and hardly ate. She could stare into empty space for hours without making the slightest movement. It took her more than a week back than before she started to talk, and later to laugh again. Slowly but gradually the life energy she once had returned. She had never thought that one person could cause such a hell lot of pain. And still the pain inside her hadn't fully healed. With what happened during the last days she didn't believe it would ever heal; she would never trust anyone enough to trust him with her heart. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Beverly," Will walked Sickbay in.

"Will, what can I do for you?" "I wanted to talk to you about last night." 

"Last night?" She looked amazed, not understanding why he wanted to talk about last night.

"About your dinner with Deanna." He explained. Now she looked even more incomprehensive.

"I didn't have dinner with Deanna." Now it was his turn to be surprised.

"But she told me that..." Suddenly he realised Deanna had used the dinner as an excuse to avoid him. He rushed out off Sickbay, he had to find out what was wrong with Deanna.

"Computer, locate Counselor Troi." 

Counselor Troi is on Holodeck 4. Will speeded up, heading for the Holodeck.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The doors of the Holodeck weren't locked, he could easily walk in. Deanna stood with her back towards the doors, he was approaching her from behind, not able to see what she was doing. Her movements however expressed a great deal of anger. Deanna hadn't noticed his presence, he was now only a few steps behind her.

"Deanna," He whispered so he wouldn't startle her. But she didn't react. Maybe she hadn't heard him.

"Deanna," He said, a bit louder this time but still she didn't react.

"Deanna!" He now raised his voice. She brusquely turned around. The expression on her face frightened him. Her eyes shot fire but tears were streaming over her face.

"What!" She shouted on the top of her voice.

"What?" Her voice gave him a fright. To calm her down he laid his hand on her shoulder, angrily she pushed him away. He narrowed his eyes, and tried to look her in the face.

"Deanna, what is wrong? Why are you so upset?"

"Like you don't know!" She said sarcastic. Her answer came quick in contradiction to what he had expected. But what did she mean?

"I don't." She looked at him with disbelieve.

"Did you really believe I wouldn't find out? Did you really believe I didn't notice you slipped out of our quarters at night! That you were hiding feelings and emotions for me!" She was throwing her temper now; she was more outrageous than he had ever seen her before.

"Deanna what are you talking about?" Will had no idea what she meant. His ignorant behaviour infuriated her even more.

"I hope you and Sheila have a good time together!" She said disgusted. Now Will realized what had up set her.

"Me and Sheila? You think I am involved with Sheila?" He saw her arm rising, the fury in her eyes. He felt the sudden pain in her cheek. Deanna had slapped him in the face. For the first time in her life she had hit some one and she didn't regret it.

"Don't lie Will! Anything but lies!" Her voice lowered. She was exhausted and felt she couldn't take this much longer. Will felt guilty for causing her so much pain.

"Deanna, I'm sorry, I really am" Deanna shook her head, she seemed almost neurotic. She turned her back to him.

"Sorry won't help anymore. I've accepted that too often. We've tried Will, we've tried over and over again. Every time I hoped it would work out but every time you found a way to diminish that hope." She spoke calmly now, embittered.

"I didn't mean to."

"Of course_you_didn't_! You_NEVER_meant to but you_ALWAYS_ALWAYS_did! I'm sure you also never meant to become involved with Sheila either! Let alone you meant me to find out! You never meant to humiliate me like this, you_NEVER_meant_ANYTHING!!!" He never thought she could be this furious.

"You could at least have told be instead of screwing around behind my back." She spoke with a low voice again.

"Maybe than I would have understand." She sounded pitiful, sullen and hurt. Tears were rolling down again.

"18 years,_18_years Will and now this."

"But I love you."

"You told me that before, we both know what happened." He laid his hand on her shoulder, she let him.

"We were young, we made mistakes." His comment brought up her anger. She shook his hand off, he immediately regretted saying it.

"What was a mistake? You leaving or our relation in general?" She sobbed it out. He walked around her so he could look at her face.

"Meeting you, falling in love with you was the most fantastic thing ever." Deanna sensed he meant that and sighed.

"Than why the betrayal? The hurting?" He was sorry for her, he felt guilty about everything. Deanna picked that up.

"Deanna, you have to believe me, I'm not, nor was I ever involved with Sheila." She no longer looked at him. "No lies." She whispered. "Don't you_DARE_to lie to me! Why do you keep lying?! You feel guilty, I can tell! Stop lying to me!" She was yelling again. How foolish of him, of course she sensed his emotions. And now she was so upset the chances she misinterpreted them had only drastically grown. "Let me explain."

"There is nothing to explain, it's all perfectly clear. It's over." She threw him one last furious glance and walked away. 

"Deanna! You_owe_me a chance to explain!" The furious Betazoid froze in her steps, with frightening self-control she slowly turned around and walked back. Her return relieved him at first but when he became aware of her icy-calmness his relief was replaced by fear. Deanna had approached him until they were only inches apart. Agonizing slow she lifted her head up and captured his blue, scared gaze. Her eyes were darker then normal, full of venom.

"I...don't_owe_you_anything_William Thomas Riker." The bitterness and fury in her oh so calm voice made his heart stop beating. He didn't dare to move let alone to make a sound.

"_You_owe_me." 'I owe her? And exactly what would I owe her?' Riker didn't dare to ask it, but amazingly enough Deanna picked it up despite her fury.

"You_OWE_me HALF MY HEART!!! MY SOUL!!!" The immense fury and venom in her eyes had disappeared, instead there was an incredible amount of pain and tears pathed a way down her cheeks. Will felt himself shrink by the pain in her eyes. He_was_the one that had caused it. He_was_the one that had broken her heart all those years ago and he_was_the one that was breaking her heart right now. 

"You took it with you to where ever you went when you had_promised_me to meet me on Risa." She blamed him...but weren't there always TWO people who made decisions in a relation? And hadn't_she_been the one who told him it was alright? Suddenly he felt wrong about letting her blame him, wrong about her self-pity. 

"Wait a minute; YOU told me you were okay with it." She shook her head; discarding his words.

"Your vision really doesn't stretch further than yourself, does it Will?" Deanna paused for a moment, trying to get her emotions under control again.

Öf course I told you that. What else was I supposed to do? BEG you to stay? And if you did, would you have stayed? Wouldn't you have felt like a prisoner?" He seriously considered her words.

"Dammit Will! I refused to humiliate myself like that!" She was right; he wouldn't have stayed, and if he had he_would_have felt like a prisoner. 'Dammit, why does she know me better than I know myself?!' Deanna sensed him agreeing with her words and a victorious smile washed over her face.

"You wouldn't have stayed and you would have broken my heart without thinking about it; just like you have." 

"But I_did_think about you, I always have." Sadly she nodded.

"Yes, you did. I won't deny that."

"Well then..." Before he realized it, his characteristic arrogant smile returned.

"You DIDN'T think of ME! You thought about YOUR friend, YOUR wife-to-be! The one who stood in the way of YOUR god forsaken CAREER!!!" He cast his eyes down. Her fury had once again returned. He wouldn't be surprised if she never could become angry again when this terrible misunderstanding had been solved.

"You NEVER EVER thought of me as a person, not irrevocably connected to you."

"Dammit Deanna! That's not true!!! I asked YOUR opinion about everything! And I won't let you drinking in your self-pity when you don't even know what is going on!"

"I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON!" Sobs and cries racked through her tiny body; her hands were clenched into stiff fists again and her nails re-opened her wounds. His fury had been ignited as well and his blue eyes had turned icy-cold.

"Nothing_IS_going ON. You HAVE to believe me!" Wildly she shook her head, her body rocked back and forth, her brown silky hair danced from one side to the other slapping the sides of her cheeks whenever she turned her head back to the other side.

"I won't! I CAN'T!!! You've lied to me TOO many times Will. I CANNOT and WILL NOT trust you again!!!" Will firmly grabbed her shoulders and shook her angrily.

"I won't leave until you DO!" She lifted her heavily bleeding hands up to push herself away from him, but he caught them before she ever reached his chest. Terror washed over his face when he saw the bright-red blood.

"Let me go! Don't you DARE to touch me!!!" Instantly his fury disappeared and concern overwhelmed him instead. Somehow she managed to pull free and she began to hit him with every strength left in her tiny body. 'God, I'm exhausted...so damn tired. But I CAN'T let him win, not now, not again!' Will literally felt the diminishing of her strength between each hit. Tears no longer fell down, her eyes were dried out. Cries, sobs and screams filled the air.

"Damn...you Will, for all the...pain you...caused me! Damn you for ever...EVER meeting...me!" Her hits came less and less closer after each other. 'She's exhausted.' Deanna was falling apart; both her body and mind were exhausted and the lacerations in her hands hurt immensely. She lost all comprehension of time and place and used every ounce of will-power to keep herself standing. Her mind had stopped thinking. She had stopped hitting him and stood still. Her body was still rocking, blood dropped from her hands on the floor. She looked so tiny; so utterly lost. His heart ached for her, for the pain_HE_had caused. Acting on instinct he held out his hands, waiting for her to seek support from them. When she didn't he placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled her to him. She tried to resist, but was too weak, too exhausted to keep herself from ending up against his broad chest. Deanna pressed her face in his chest and allowed her cries to freely rack through her body. Will placed a hand on her back, soothingly rubbing her spine. His other hand caressed the back of her head and pulled her hair out her face.

"I'm sorry my love." He wasn't sure if she had heard his whisper, her harsh cries and sobs were loud and may have over voiced his words. Slowly he rocked her soothingly.

"Shh Imzadi; it's going to be alright."

"I'm...so tired...Will...please,...hold me." Her eyes closed and her sobbing slowed down, eventually fading away. He felt her body relax in his arms, her head tipped forwards, her arms fell along her body and her legs refused to carry her any longer. Will lowered her to the floor and stroke her hair out her face again.

"Riker to Sickbay; medical emergency in Holodeck 1."

We'll be right there Will. Strangely enough he was relaxed and at ease. She looked peaceful, so damn beautiful.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Mere minutes later Beverly and Alyssa entered the Holodeck. Both startled at the sight of the two officers. Will was sitting with his back against the wall, an unconscious Deanna was resting against his chest. Both officers were covered in blood.

"JESUS Will! What the he*l happened?!" The medical officers quickly began to scan the couple.

"I'm fine Beverly; Deanna is the one you need to look after."

"Crusher to Transporter Room 1. Four to beam from my location directly to Sickbay." When the materialized in sickbay Doctor Crusher's team didn't waste any time and immediately lifted Deanna up and put her on a biobed. Deanna's blood-stained outfit was replaced by a standard Sickbay outfit. Beverly hooked her equipment on and constantly monitored Deanna's heart rate and temperature. She cleaned her still bleeding hands but opted not to heal the lacerations just yet. When there was nothing for her to do she ordered Will to her office.

"OK Will, I want to know exactly_what_happened." Surprisingly enough he answered without objecting.

"We argued and then her hands started bleeding. When she had aired all her anger and pain I pulled her against me; she told me she was tired and the next thing I knew she collapsed. I sat down with her and warned you." Beverly was about to ask about what they argued but realized in time he wouldn't tell her anyway.

"How is she?" The red-haired glanced through her window at the woman on the biobed. 

"I don't know...she's in a shock; she's physically as well as mentally exhausted."

"I thought as much...and her hands?"

"Well, apparently she has clenched her hands in stiff fists several times...the wounds themselves are a day old or so. They have been re-opened several times." They both watched Deanna in silence for some time.

"So, are you going to tell me what you were arguing about?" She might as well give it a try. Will looked straight at her, then at Deanna before returning his gaze to the Doctor.

"About everything." He stood up and walked to the door.

"Will...I don't want you to see her now." Startled and unpleasantly surprised he turned around and looked at her.

"The fact that she fell ill during a disagreement with you tells me that the reason she has been so upset has to do with you and most likely with you personal relation. I don't want to cause her any more stress then absolutely necessary which includes no mental distraction." He considered her words seriously and realized that she was right.

"If you think that's what's best for her I'll stay away. I don't want to hurt her anymore." With those words he walked through the hissed open doors and left Sickbay after one more glance at his Imzadi. Just outside Sickbay he ran into Captain Picard.

"Number One, are you alright?" The blood on his uniform worried his superior.

"Yes, Sir; it's all Deanna's blood I'm afraid." He watched his First Officer take of and then entered Sickbay. His eye fell immediately on the tiny figure laying on the biobed in a isolated room. The Doctor stepped at his side.

"She's in shock; I've decided to keep her under sedation for t least 16 hours. She's mentally as well as physically exhausted." He nodded, in silence agreeing with his CMO's decision. 

"What about the blood?"

"In her fury she has dug her nails deep into her palms which make them bleed. They are cleaned and I've bandaged her hands." Again Jean-Luc nodded, not knowing what to say. It was so strange to see her like this, the pain and anguish were readable on her delicate face. The red and swollen flesh around her eyes indicated that she had been crying for quite some time; she looked so utterly lost.

"What happened?" A deep sigh slipped from Beverly's mouth.

"She and Will have been arguing; judging from her face rather heated."

"Is she comfortable now you think?"

"Well yes..." The Doctor shifted onto her other foot.

"But?"

"But...she would be more comfortable in her own quarters." Beverly began to defend her opinion before Picard could even deny the indirect request she had made. "I know it isn't protocol and that Starfleet doesn't allow serious ill officers anywhere_but_in sickbay, but Jean-Luc, she's..."

"Beverly..." He abruptly interrupted her plea. "...Permission allowed. For as far as I know exhaustion isn't infectious." Gratefully she glanced at her Captain and headed to Deanna's quarters.

-------------------------------------------------------------

For over 18 hours Beverly checked in on Deanna every one or two hours. She had stopped sedating her two hours ago. Still no one else, except for her, Jean-Luc and Will, was aware of her serious condition. Beverly was worried she might pick up the concern and worry of the crew. What amazed her was that Will hadn't objected when she had forbidden him to come near her and that he didn't try to see her anyway. Not had he asked whether her condition had changed. It was almost as if he didn't care, or pretend not to care. She couldn't make them out; one moment they were everything for each other, the next it was as if they didn't know about each other's existence. For the first time in 18 hours Deanna made a move, her eyes blinked and slowly she opened them. A deep yawn followed. Beverly almost jumped out of her skin, finally she came around!

"Hello there." Deanna was surprised; she smiled, unforced and spontaneous. Beverly hadn't seen that smile for a while.

"Bev, what are you doing here?" Beverly didn't answer.

"How do you feel?" She asked instead. She saw by Deanna's eyes that she was reading herself.

"Fine, rested...confused. The last I remember is being on the Holodeck with..." Deanna's smile vanished. Beverly could she the pain in her eyes.

"With whom?" Deanna took a deep breath, than sighed.

"Will." Deanna realised she had 'cleaned up' part of the mess in her psyche, she remembered becoming furious just by the mentioning of his name, now she just felt depressed and melancholic. Beverly bend over.

"Deanna, what happened between you and Will?"

"Nothing, nothing important."

"Deanna, your behaviour has been more than abnormal the past days, you went into a shock after seeing him, so don't tell me it was nothing." Beverly said it with both compassion and urge. She saw Deanna was trying to formulate an answer.

"He, Will, he, he cheated on me." Deanna's voice broke, Beverly was speechless.

"I'm, I'm so sorry." She said sincere.

"It's alright." There was that forced smile again. Beverly knew she was lying.

"It's not alright Deanna, I can't believe this." Deanna smiled again, unforced this time.

"You're not the only one."

"Are you sure about it?"

"Yes, I saw them in Ten-Forward. I sensed their emotions." Beverly didn't know what to say and they both kept quiet for a while.

"Have you confronted him yet?" Beverly asked to break the silence.

"Yes, I have."

"What was his response?" Deanna took a few moments before she answered.

"He kept denying, he kept lying." 'That's weird.'  Will should know Deanna could tell when someone was lying, he also should know she resented lying.

"Are you sure? Couldn't you have misinterpreted his feelings somehow?" Deanna shook her head.

"I'm sure; when I confronted him he felt guilty and remorseful." Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Deanna I'm sorry if it sounds as if I'm on Will's side but..." The red-haired sighed. "...I've known the two of you for 13 years now and, erm, I know he loves you more than anything. And I know the same goes for you." Deanna had always been aware of that but after all that had happened she wasn't so sure anymore.

"Apparently not as much as we thought." She told Beverly.

"And now?" There was the gold-pressed-latinum question.

"I don't know." She shook her head. "I just don't know." They both sighed, which triggered a laugh response. It felt good to laugh, really laugh again, it had been a while. Deanna wondered if she should inform Beverly about her agreement with the admiral. She probably should, but she decided not to.

"I have to go." Beverly didn't want to leave Deanna alone, but she really had to go.

"Will you be alright?" Deanna wiped her tears away and smiled.

"Yes, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Beverly was worried about her.

"I promise." Still the Doctor hesitated.

"Beverly, I feel fine." She reassured her. Deanna did feel better, better than in days. She had finally managed to come to terms with their break up. Beverly reluctantly left and Deanna decided to have dinner.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Doctor Crusher entered the Bridge, she was supposed to take the Bridge Watch over from Riker.

"Commander Riker, we have to talk." He noticed the urge in her voice and followed her to the Observation Lounge without asking for an explanation.

"She's a wake isn't she?" The Doctor nodded, not even surprised that he knew.

"You messed up pretty da*n good this time Will." Will knew Beverly blamed him and she had every right. He blamed himself too. He wondered how much she knew about what had happened between him and Deanna.

"Will, don't you see how much she loves you ad how much your behaviour hurts her?"

"I never meant to hurt her, I love her." Beverly saw he meant it but she had to make him see he couldn't go on like this.

"Than why do you do the things of which you know they hurt her?" Dazzled he looked at her, a bit amazed as well.

"She says she understands, that it's alright." Beverly glanced at him, expressing her disbelieve at first, than anger.

"Of all the people who know her, you're the last one I expected to say that! You should know she only pretends it doesn't matter." Will's guilt could easily be seen on his face. He walked to a window and looked at the stars.

"Sometimes I don't know how to interpret her..." Riker began. "...She senses emotions from others, helps them dealing with their feelings. But she carefully decides which of her own emotions she shows, the others she hides. She has these walls or barriers or_whatever_you call them, so no one can see how she feels. It frustrates me she won't talk to me, tell me how_she_feels." Relieved to have it off his chest he sighed deeply.

"We all feel that way sometimes." Beverly stood next to him now.

"You have to earn Deanna's trust and confidence before she lets you in." 'I had that once.'  'And it's my own fault I lost it.'

"Is that why you started to see Sheila?" Will turned around.

"Because she does let you in." Beverly closely watched his face to see his reaction.

"She told you." He stated.

"Yes, and frankly, I didn't believe it." He looked her intensely in her eyes.

"Don't." His words were plain cold. "Because it's not true." For some reason Beverly believed him.

"She's convinced it's true."

"I'll explain it to her, if she lets me."

"Wait a while before you try, she has just woken up. Give her sometime for herself." She laid her hand on his shoulder to encourage him than walked away.

"Let your heart speak Will, be open and don't try to hide your feelings. That will only make her suspicious." Her advise reached him just before the doors slid close behind her back, leaving him alone with his emotions and thoughts. Beverly was right, about everything. Sometimes it seemed as if she knew Deanna better than he did.

----------------------------------------------------------------

"Come in." Jean-Luc closed his book.

"Doctor." He said somewhat surprised as Beverly walked in and sat down in front of him.

"Jean-Luc, I need a favour." 'A favour'? He was surprised, an eyebrow and a mouth corner rose. Beverly saw the lights behind her reflecting in his forehead.

"Which is?"

"I want you to relieve Counselor Troi from her duties for another two days. I also request the same for Commander Riker." As CMO Beverly didn't need his permission, they both knew that. "On what grounds?"

"Deanna needs time to recover from her psychic breakdown."

"I agree. How about Commander Riker?"

"He has some private problems he needs to sort out." Innerly Jean-Luc laughed, that was typical Beverly. 'Why doesn't this surprise me?'

"Will those interfere with his job performance?" Wisely he didn't ask the exact problem. Beverly was grateful for that

"If they continue on this foot they will." She replied. Jean-Luc stroke with his hand over his chin.

"Two of my Senior Staff officers. The Ship's Counselor and First Officer." He looked doubtful and strict but Beverly knew he had already given in. He wasn't blind and he could put one and one together. She was pretty sure he knew what was going on.

"Permission granted Doctor, thank you for your advice." Beverly stood up and grabbed her Med Path. The doors opened, she was about to leave.

"O, Beverly, the dinner is still on for tonight I hope." He expected her to turn around, but she didn't.

"You bet." He heard just before the doors closed, separating one from another again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Deanna had just taken a shower and was now drying her hair. She felt a lot better now. Of course it would need sometime to heal, she couldn't deny that anymore, but she was up to it now. She could finally close the book 'William T. Riker' and put it away. She slipped in a simple and comfortable dress and put some music on. She sat down on the sofa and started her mind training. Because she was so concentrated she didn't hear the door bleeps, they went three, four times before for she did.

"Come in." Will entered. To her own amazement she was quite glad. They needed to solve this, deciding on what foot they'd continue.

"Deanna, we..." "Need to talk." She finished his sentence.

"Have a seat." He did what she suggested. Will was very cautious; he didn't want to upset her in any way.

"Can I get you anything?" She politely asked. At first he thought she avoided facing him but soon he realised it was just one of her habits.

"No thank you." Deanna ordered Yarrelian tea and sat down facing him. He noticed how calm she was. It wasn't the same calmness as earlier, the one which had frightened him, this was a comforting and peaceful calmness. Deanna started the conversation.

"I apologize for my behaviour the last days, I wasn't myself." He smiled, always apologizing, even if it wasn't her fault.

"I understand."

"Do you?" Her remark wasn't meant to be sarcastic or to express her anger, it was meant to make him think.

"You seem to be feeling better now, are you?" His eyes slid over the bandages on her hands.

"Yes I am. Beverly's treatment gave me the chance to deal with problems form both present and past without interference or distraction." She caught his gaze. "And the wounds are healing very well." It was the truth, she felt so much better now. Will was amazed about how detailed she answered his question. It was not like the Deanna he knew at all.

"Past?" He wasn't quite sure what she meant.

"Yes, I always thought or believed I had dealt with your departure back on Betazed, but I had only locked and stored those feelings and emotions. Because of what happened the last days they, popped up." Deanna took a sip of her tea and looked at him.

"I had no idea I hurt you so much."

"Hadn't you?" It was again a think-about-it question. Now that he_did_think about it he realized he had known, he simply never really paid attention to it. He was ashamed about that confession.

"The first week was like hell." She began telling in a low voice.

"For two days I was furious, cattish and I yelled at anyone. I worried, but most of all, frightened my friends." Deanna stopped talking and drank a bit from her tea. Will kept quiet, knowing he would spoil the sphere if he'd make even the slightest noise.

"Later they told me my behaviour the next days frightened them the most. I don't remember those days." This was strange and totally new for Deanna, she wasn't used to talk about herself like this but she knew she had to. She wouldn't run away anymore, she refused to.

"Apparently I didn't say or do anything, I'd sit and stare for hours, not showing any emotion or making the slightest movement. After having spent three days like that I steadily started to talk and laugh again. Afterwards I assumed I had used that time to deal with my emotions, to come to terms with our break-up." She took a deep breath and sipped from her tea. Will looked at her, his eyes saying 'sorry'.

"Deanna, I'm so sorry, honestly." She sensed his genuine compassion.

"I know." She whispered. "I know."

"If I had known..." Deanna's eyes turned hard again.

"What then, what would've changed?"

"I don't know but maybe all of this wouldn't have happened." She smiled, not because it was funny, or because he was right. It was a devilish sort of smile.

"You're right. If I hadn't seen you again this wouldn't have happened. Or if we had kept our distance. It would have saved me a lot of pain and humiliation as well." Deanna was sarcastic and embittered again. Will finally realized how stupid and blind he had been. He had never made a serious attempt to find out how she really felt about their relation, he had simply taken her word for it. He watched her when she walked to the replicator to get another cup of tea. The dress she was wearing stood her magnificent, it accentuated her small elegant body beautifully; the white colour fitted her brown hair perfectly. 'God, she's so beautiful.' He remembered how he could drown in those gorgeous dark eyes of her, how soft her skin felt and how satisfied he felt when he held her in his arms. He remembered how wonderful he felt when they went to sleep, she laying against him with her head resting on his chest and shoulder. He realized how much he had missed Deanna the past days, how much he had missed her body against his at night, her presence when he woke up. He had missed her smell, her laughter, her smiles, the twinkles in her eyes and their conversations. There was one thing he hadn't missed though; the sneaky way he had to slip out their quarters to meet Sheila. It always felt as if he was cheating on her.

"Well, at least you now know which mistakes not to make with Sheila." Her remark pulled him back.

"Deanna, I..."

"It's alright Will. We have sorted it out now. I hope you and Sheila won't make the same mistakes we made." 'WHAT!? What is she doing?' He knew she was genuine, she really wished him the best. He couldn't believe it. Will stood up and walked to the other side of the room and sat down next to her. She kept her head bend to the floor.

"Deanna, listen to me, read me. I don't love anyone as much as I love you and certainly not Sheila." She didn't react and kept her head bend aside and down to the floor. He laid his hand under her chin, gently he lifted her head up and turned it facing him, she didn't look at him. In her eyes he could see her pain, he knew she didn't want to talk or listen.

"Look at me." He whispered. Deanna raised her dark, sensitive eyes, she looked up to him from under her long eyelashes, glanced at him with despair. He opened his mind for her as much as he could.

"Deanna, I wasn't romantically involved with Sheila and I don't want to be. I want to be with you and with no one else." Deanna cast her eyes down. Will waited a while, giving her the chance to read him.

"Do you believe me?" He ultimately asked. She glanced at his face, tears were standing in her eyes. 

"I, I don't, know Will." She stumbled. "I don't know what to believe anymore." He could imagine that.

"What do you sense?"

"Love, desire, sincerity, compassion, honesty." She stopped to take a deep breath. "Guilt and secrecy. You're hiding something Will, something you don't want me to know about. What is it?"

"I, hum, I can't say. I'm sorry." She almost notoriously shook her head. That he wasn't honest upset her, it made her angry.

"You have to tell me Will."

"Deanna, I can assure you it has nothing to do with another relation. It's for your birthday. You have to trust me." 

"I don't know if I can. You have confounded my trust too many times." A tear rolled down over her cheek, he softly wiped it away. He gently caressed her face and her chest. He had missed her so much. 'Maybe now is the right time.' Deanna's heart told her to give in, to let him comfort and love her. To forgive and forget. But her mind told her to hate him, maybe as a form of self-protection so he wouldn't be able to hurt her anymore, maybe simply because he deserved her hatred. But she couldn't hate him either; she loved him too much to be able to hate him. She pushed his hand away, knowing that if she didn't she wouldn't be able to resist him.

"What does your heart say?" She turned her face away.

"Don't do this. We have sorted it out, please, leave me alone." Her voice broke. There was nothing more to be said. From now on each of them would follow their own way. 

"Deanna, listen to your heart." The Betazoid pulled away, increasing the distance between them.

"Don't Will, don't." Tears began to roll down again. Deanna pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. 'I'm hurting her...again.' He creped towards her, slowly; to avoid startling her.

"Will, leave. Please, just leave." But he didn't, instead he advanced towards her; he reached out to her. But the second he made physical contact she jumped up.

"I_TOLD_YOU TO_LEAVE_!!!" Her eyes shot fire again, her body was trembling with anger. Will stood up as well, again he reached out to her.

"Don't you DARE to touch me!"

"Please, hear me out Imzadi." She froze, literally froze. Just when Will was about to call to Sickbay her eyes slowly closed. When she opened them again they were black, the darkest black he had ever seen. Her voice, when she spoke, was freezing calm and send a unpleasant shiver through his body.

"Don't you_ever_dare to use that word to me again. I am no longer your Imzadi, and you are no longer mine." Her voice was horrifying, dreadfully cold; at that particular point he wouldn't have done anything rather but to run away from her..._fast_. Instead he kept his fear under control.

"But you told me Imzadi was forever." Her face revealed not a single emotion and she didn't move a muscle. The sphere was breathtaking scaring.

"Apparently I made a mistake. Maybe Imzadi isn't forever, or maybe we were never meant to be Imzadi." He looked at her in disbelieve and fear. But even now he couldn't help noticing her everlasting beauty.

"I don't believe that..." A hysterical, devilish laughter filled the air around them.

"Tza, Will. And that from_your_mouth." The laughter fainted an was replaced by an unpleasant silence. Deanna's black, venom-like gaze held his but Will didn't seem to look at her. He was very concentrated on something. Too late Deanna rose her shields.

~Imzadi.~ For a second it seemed as if the black of her irises covered her entire eyes, but just as quickly as it happened it disappeared. Unlike he had expected she send him her emotions in return. The wall hit him like a board with nasty sharp points and sliced through his mind. The anger and fury he felt were overwhelming, everything consuming. His eyes flashed and his hands clenched into fists. The despair and hurt he felt made tears flood out his eyes and a loud desperate cry escaped from deep within him, or was it from deep within her? Deanna's features softened immediately when she had send Will her emotions, but they hardened again as soon as she took them back and closed her mind. 

"My god, Deanna."

"Now, GET OUT!" Dazzled he watched her black eyes, which shifted from his to the doors and back to his blue gaze again.

"GA!" Still not fully regained from he flood of emotions he managed to stumble to the doors and left. Deanna watched him without blinking once and when the doors closed behind his back she fell back on the couch and cried loudly. As her anger flooded away her eyes became brown again.

 -----------------------------------------------------------

Only seconds after he had left her quarters a huge headache made his head explode...at least, that was how it felt. His vision blurred momentarily and the corridor started spinning. Commander Riker leaned against the wall and breathed slowly in and out until the spinning had stopped. As soon as his vision was sharp again he headed for Sickbay, the headache was almost unbearable.

"Will, what are you doing here?" The day that he walked in Sickbay_voluntarily_for treatment was one she hadn't encountered yet.

"My head is killing me." The Doctor frowned. 'A headache?!' She indicated him to sit down on a biobed and picked up a medical tricorder.

"What happened?"  She asked while scanning his head. But before he could answer the first results showed.

"My god Will! You're neurotransmitters have increased by 20%. What caused that?" It was a rhetorical question really, she didn't expect him to understand what she just had said and she sure as he*l didn't expect any answer other than 'I haven't got a clue Doctor', but an answer he gave.

"Deanna."

"Deanna?! I think some explanation would be helpful here." 

"I went to talk to her...it started out well. She was calm and prepaired to listen...but then..."

"You said something wrong." 'Why exactly is it, that I'm not surprised she guessed that?'

"Yes, she started yelling again and the scariest thing happened; her irises turned back."

"Black?" Her eyes widened in disbelief. 

"When there was a moment of silence I made another mistake..." Beverly patiently awaited his words.

"I send her 'Imzadi'  through our link. I thought it would calm her down. And it did in a scaring way. The black of her irises momentarily spread and covered her entire eyes. Suddenly she send me all her emotions." Beverly straightened her back. What Deanna had done was dangerous; the human brain wasn't calculated for the emotions of others and judging by Will's story Deanna had been more than simply furious.

"What next?"

"She told me to leave and I did. That was when the headache came."

"Well that explains the increase in neurotransmitters as well. Fortunately Deanna was conscious enough to withdraw before lasting damage was done. I'll give you a mild neuro-sedation; it'll keep you conscious but seal the pain." She injected the medicine in the ulcer in his neck.

"You can go now." Will nodded and got on his feet. He left Sickbay without saying another word.

Beverly picked up an tricorder and left for Deanna's quarters; certainly the fight would've had an certain impact on her as well. She rang the door chimes twice before she heard a response.

Will GO! Followed by presumably a vase or something smashing against the doors and scattering in several pieces.

"Deanna? Let me in will you. I need to see if you're alright."

Beverly? Deanna's child like voice concerned her.

"Yes. Will you let me in?" In her quarters Deanna quickly stood up and walked to the wash table. She threw some cold water in her face and dried it off with the nearest towel. After that she walked back to the couch and sat down with crossed legs, her hands folded serenely in her lap.

Come in. The Doctor walked in and saw immediately by Deanna's face that she had been crying. Judging by her position she hadn't stopped until she entered. Beverly sat down at Deanna's side and looked in her eyes. 'Brown again.'

"I suppose Will came to see you?" The red-haired nodded and closely watched her friend's facial expression.

"I thought he would. I probably gave him a headache." There wasn't a spark of regret to be seen on the Betazoid's face, but the pain in her eyes was clearly visible.

"So you knew what you were doing?"

"Yes." That was something Beverly hadn't expected. "I couldn't take it anymore Beverly; I wanted to pay him in kind for hurting me so da*n much." Deanna seemed so utterly lost, hurt.

"What you did was risky Deanna; you could've caused lasting damage to his neural-tissue." Slowly she nodded.

"I know."

"Will told me your eyes turned black...can you tell me about that?" Deanna turned her head away; avoiding the blue gaze of her friend.

"I'm not ready to; I'm sorry."

"Don't be...I'll run a neuroscan on you and then I'll leave alright?" Deanna tipped her head, making in easier for Beverly to scan her. When the scan was completed Beverly stood up and walked to the doors.

"Try to get some sleep ok? You seem pretty exhausted." The Betazoid forced a weak smile.

"I will. Thank you Beverly." The red-haired shrugged and walked out, leaving Deanna alone with her demons. 'I shouldn't have let it happen!' 'How could I be so careless?!' 'I should've stayed disciplined DAMMIT!' She buried her face in her hands and her hair spilled over her shoulders in front of her face. 'I shouldn't have let myself go like that!' Sobs racked through her body.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Beverly didn't dare to look at the scan-results before she entered Sickbay; scared for what she might find. Deanna's psilo-synine levels were elevated once again; so were her neurotransmitters. Her psyche had been releasing almost twice as much para-transmittors as normal and there was a strange psychic-signature throughout Troi's brain. Once again the Doctor cursed Starfleet medical for having obtained so little information of the Betazoid psyche. She would have to run another scan on Deanna in an hour to see if there were any changes.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

On the holodeck another troubled officer was trying to get his mind of the woman he had hurt so much. While making some final adjustments to his program he promised himself_and_her_that he would_not_hurt her again. They_had_to talk, but if she didn't want to how could he make her? 'Dammit! I have to make her see that she_is_the_only_one for me!' 'But how?' His gaze slid across the Holodeck. 'Maybe I should...'

"Computer: saved and end program." The characterizing sounds of the computer reached his ears and suddenly he found himself and a room with black walls on with a systematic roasters of yellow lines. In a hurry he went to Sickbay, bumping in to several ensigns before reaching the doors.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Beverly!" Startled the Doctor turned around.

"Will?!...Again?!" Grinningly she watched him catching his breath.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Deanna opened her eyes. She hadn't been sleeping she was sure of that. But then, what_had_she been doing? The Betazoid got up and walked to her mirror, there she checked her eyes carefully. 'Thank the gods; they're normal again." Her eyes closed and she stroke her hand along her forehead. 'I've spend_years_training not to let this happen. Is my heart, my soul really that badly hurt?'  'Have I really allowed him to hurt me so much?'

~D~


	5. Chapter Four: The Beginning of a New Lif...

Disclaimer:         First part…that's all I'll say ;)

Rating:               PG-13 tiny bitsy sensual context 

Chapter Four: **The Beginning of a new Lifetime**

"I need your help." Quizzically she looked at him.

"My help? For what?"

"I want, I_need_to make up with Deanna, to make her see that I_don't_want anyone at my side_but_her." Beverly indicated him to sit down.

"Will, I can't help you with that. You have to do it yourself."

"But you know her, she trusts you." The Doctor sighed and shook her head.

"Exactly; and the last thing Deanna needs right now is another friend confounding her trust." 'Right again.'

"How to you think you're going to convince her?" Riker lifted his head up. 'God, he looks terrible.'

"I want to give her her birthday present." Beverly's eyes widened.

"You already have a birthday present?!" 'Already? Make that only now.' Even his thought was sarcastic.

"Yes." For a moment the red-haired weighted her options and then surrendering put her hands in front of her and lifted her head up; causing her red-orange hair to leap back and forth.

"Alright, what do you want me to do?" A big grin washed over his face and for the first time in days his sapphire eyes twinkled again.

"Get her on the Holodeck." The woman frowned and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Nothing else?"

"Nothing else." Her blue eyes shifted from left to right and back.

"Alright then; I'll see what I can do." both officers stood up and walked to the doors, which hissed open at their approaching. 

"Thank you Beverly." 'Let's hope Deanna will feel the same.' She simply nodded as reply and watched him walk out.

----------------------------------------------------------

3 days past; the Enterprise had a period of rest, no mission, no destination; simply drifting through space. Both Will and Deanna had turned back to their duties little less then one and a half day ago but since their last fight they only had seen each other during Senior staff meetings. Deanna was back to her old self again; she laughed and made jokes just as before. Only when she talked to Will one could hear her snappy and sarcastic voice and see her features harden. Will on his turn was still the cheerful, flirting Commander like before. He had taken Beverly's advice and left Deanna alone for a couple of days; no matter how badly he wanted to hold and feel her again. But that afternoon, during a Mok'Ba'Rah class radical changes were put in movement.

----------------------------------------------------------

"Can you believe he actually did it?" Both women laughed loudly.

"No, I can't. But...the evidence doesn't lie, does it." Deanna shook her head as if to shake the laughs out; her gold-brown hair dartled from side to side.

"That poor ensign." The other placed a hand against her mouth.

"She actually saw her career flying by, but fortunately she could see the humour of it later on."

"Yes, after I told her what happened." Tears were streaming down her face. Sometimes a certain android could be more funny then any human.

"Funny that when Data tries to make a joke it doesn't work and when he is serious we all laugh our head off."

"Well..." The Betazoid looked straight into Beverly blue gaze. "...I_do_recall a certain intended joke consisting of a boot, water and a certain Doctor." With sparkles in her eyes she awaited Beverly's response.

"That_wasn't_funny." Deanna frowned at her friend who clearly had trouble not to laugh.

"Oh, com'on Beverly; if he had pushed me in wouldn't you have laughed?"

"Of course not." A elbow hit her stomach playfully.

"Lair." Defending herself the Doctor hit back.

"Am not!"

"Are to!"

"Am not!"

"Are to!" Both women practically rolled over the floor of laughing while the tears streamed down their faces. 

"O gods, this is more exhausting then a full hour of Mok'Ba'Rah..." Deanna wiped the tears off her face and out her eyes, in the mean while catching her breath.

"You lady just don't have a proper condition." Before the Betazoid could react Beverly's badge went off."

Riker to Crusher.

"Go ahead Will." The change in Deanna's features hadn't escaped her.

You're Bridge Watch has been cancelled for today; you have the evening off. Beverly's face lit up.

"Great, thank you Will."

The Captain made the change; I didn't. You should thank him I guess.

"Oh, I will. Crusher out." The Doctor studied Deanna's face carefully before she spoke up.

"You still haven't talked, have you?" Melancholic she shook her head.

"No, we haven't."

"Deanna, you_need_to solve this. For god's sake, you_love_him." With teary eyes Deanna looked up.

"It's no use; he doesn't love me."

"I refuse to believe that! And so should you."

"And what about Sheila then?! That of course meant NOTHING! Well how do_I_KNOW_whether_I_do_mean_SOMETHING_to him!?!" Beverly soothingly rubbed her slender shoulder.

"I've asked the computer to make a list of where and when Commander Riker and Sheila were together..."

"And?"

"They spend practically the entire time on the Holodeck." Her embittered face beamed with hatred and sadness.

"Do you know which program?"

"Yes, I've opted to use my authorization code to watch it; but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Those codes are for ship's business only."

"True, but when the Ship's Counselor and First Officer. Don't get along don't you think that influences the entire crew?" She literally_saw_Deanna thinking and patiently awaited her answer.

"Well...yes..." When comprehension dawned she glanced at Beverly with big brown eyes. "...so you think I could, should have a look."

"I'm not the one whose decision it is, but it may clear things out."

Beverly stood up and left in silence after winking encouraging at her friend. Deanna didn't move...Beverly was right, no doubt about that. But could she, dared she to watch the program? Eventually curiosity and the need to get this over with made her decision.

"Computer: load program R-S-B-P 593 Alfa. Authorization: Commander Deanna Troi, Ship's Counselor Troi-five-oh-one-Alfa" Almost immediately her surroundings darkened. 'Alright, the program is ready to run...the question being; do I have the guts?' She sucked in a deep breath and prepared herself for whatever might appear.

"Computer:...run program."

----------------------------------------------------------------

"Crusher to Riker."

Yes Doctor.

"Deanna is on the Holodeck, and for as far as I can tell she's going to run your program."

Terrific, thank you Beverly. Riker out. 

"Well, he sure was happy with that."

"Sorry Doctor?"

"Hmm? Oh, nothing."

----------------------------------------------------------------

It took a while before her surroundings changed. Impatient she began to mutter in herself.

"Very nice Will, very interesting too." She sarcastically remarked. Suddenly she felt her clothes change.

"What the...!?" Her heart beat accelerated; she had no idea what to expect. Still she couldn't see a single thing around her.

Before her suddenly appeared a mirror, behind her a blue-purple light began shining. Deanna watched her reflection; she was wearing a white dress, it was so long it touched the ground; no sleeves, instead she wore long soft white gloves. The view in the mirror changed and now it was as if she looked right into space. Like she was flying through space a planet became visible. She approached it, entered the atmosphere. In the mean time the mirror was expanding, now covering one side of the Holodeck. The surface of the planet came closer, she could see a mountain, waterfalls and a river running through a valley. All of a sudden she stood on top of the mountain she had seen thousand of kilometers below her only seconds ago. The mountain was surrounded by falls; the water was rushing down with an astounding speed. A broad river ran beneath her, going towards a green valley. Deanna was speechless, the view was so beautiful it stunned her. She almost forgot why she had come here. Silenced by the overwhelming beauty of it all she walked down to the foot of the mountain. 

Arrived on the foot the Betazoid suddenly realized where she was. 

"These are the Janara Falls." The place where they had spend their last night together. Deanna stumbled in her speech. "The bastard!" 'How_COULD_he?! Of all places why_here_!? Why did he have to bring her_HERE_?!' Fury once again possessed her, she clenched her hands into fists again.

"DAMN YOU WILL RIKER!" Furious she glanced around her, unaware that her hands had started to bleed again. Without thinking she dove into the restless and dangerous water. A white fog hung just above the surface. With wild moves she swum to the center; the tears that streamed down her face were hardly visible. Deanna looked around her; she was only a few meters of where the water of the falls hit the surface of the leg. Never had she been this close; always had she been cautious not to get trapped into the strong flood under the surface but now she did not care. With showing someone else their special place; the place where they had spend their last wonderful night together he truly had broken her heart beyond repair. But worse then that; he had broken her very soul. Deanna took a deep breath and dove down, to the bottom of the leg. On her way memories of the past flashed through her mind.

The doors of the Holodeck hissed open; allowing Commander Riker to walk inside.

"Good, she had found it." Self-assured he started looking for her. Eventually ending up at the shore of the leg by two high healed white pumps.

"Deanna?! Deanna, where are you?!" Under the water Deanna looked at the fish around her; they had the most beautiful and diverse colours and were a real wonder to the eye. 'How could I ever allow anyone to hurt me like this? Why did I let him win? Why did I let him do this to me?' Her mind paused for a while. By now she had been underwater for almost three minutes, the longest time she could stay there was a little more then 4 minutes but now with her elevated heart-rate she would have to go up sooner. 'No hurting, no more lies.' Slowly she let the air escape her lungs. On the surface Will noticed the air bubbles reaching the surface. 'What caused those?' Down under Deanna's lungs were almost empty. The images of her friends filled her psyche and their words surrounded her. For some reason 5 words sounded louder then the others. "And the sky is the limit." She had realized right then that Picard hadn't simply referred to the poker game, but also to Q's words; that humanity had a long way to go; but also a far way to get. 'TZA! I WILL NOT LET HIM WIN!!! NOT THIS TIME, NOT AGAIN!" She pushed herself up, using the bottom as leverage.

The bubbles had stopped and for some reason the water surface was more silent then before. He saw a light, blurred spot growing larger under water. 

"What is that?" Without a warning a mermaid-like figure leapt out the water only the fall back mere seconds later. He heard a loud gasp and a deep suck for air. 'Who was that?' Almost instantly he answered his own question.

"DEANNA!!!" Horror washed over his face, but fortunately on the same moment Deanna dove up again and began to swim for shore. Will jumped in and swam towards her in order to support her. But she refused his help and swam back on her own strength. She climbed out and sat down on the sand.

"Deanna, are you alright?" His concern forced a smile on her face.

"Yes...I'm fine..." Her rapid and heavy breathing interrupted her words. Soon a wet spot had formed around them; only Will's head was still dry.

"You scared the he*l out me." He tried to wrap his arms around her to keep her warm but she crawled away.

"Deanna, you're freezing."

"Computer: two large fluffy white towels." Immediately the towels appeared. She handed one to Will and used the other to dry herself.

"Why did you show Sheila this?" Her voice was calm, tired and she tipped her head towards the falls. While waiting for his answer she began to strap her dress down; freeing herself of the soaked material that was sticking at her body. Will turned his head away; afraid of her reaction to the feelings she might provoke in him. Sensing his discomfort she laughed shortly.

"I didn't." He_felt_her eyes flashing with disgust.

"NO lies." Stubborn as he was he refused to react, it was time Deanna stopped blaming him constantly and started listening.

"This was the_only_place that has remained pure and untouched in my memory; one I thought no one would ever be able to take away from me." She sounded so sad, so lost and even though he tried to fight it he couldn't help feeling guilty and sorry. "Our last night together; a lifetime ago."

"No, not another lifetime ago. This lifetime Deanna, beginning right here and now." Denying she shook her head.

"Will..." He jumped up, grabbed her hands and pulled her up as well.

"Computer: dress." The simply command was enough for the computer to replace the white dress on Deanna's body. At this point Deanna was too surprised to be angry with him. He stepped behind her and gathered the mass of her still damp, silky brown hair in one hand and lifted it up to place the necklace her had given her on her slender neck. With his hands on her hips he turned her around; momentarily he froze by the controlled anger on her face.

"Deanna, I'll explain it all; no lies, no secrets; just the plain truth." She just looked at him with those incredible big brown eyes. He cleaned his mind to her; completely without a single barrier and waited for her response. When non came he took it as okay and led her back to the water.

"These are the Janara Falls, but I assume you've already guessed that; anyway I combined them with the Niagara-falls on Earth." Still she kept silent; inside trying to_give_him the opportunity to explain without losing her temper. He guided her closer to the water, little waves now reached her shoes. Will pointed at the water.

"Go on, step on it."

"On the water? Will, I'm not stupid." He smiled and looked her in the eyes. 'Trust me.' Luckily for him he was able to keep his comment inside; otherwise one could've been sure she would've snapped. So instead of saying anything he just smiled openly. Having decided that nothing really bad could happen she carefully placed her foot on the water. A shiny blue-purple spot occurred. Quickly, in a reflex she pulled her foot back.

"It's alright, nothing will happen." He assured her. Again she stepped on the spot, which lightened up beneath her. She sought support from Will, slowly placing her bodyweight on the circle. It wasn't until she stood on the plateau she noticed Will's clothes had changed as well. He was wearing black trousers and a blue dress shirt. He joined her on the circle and clapped his hands. Spinning the circle went up. At the same time the sky darkened and the night fell. Only the stars above them and the circle they were standing on gave light. Beneath them the falls rushed down. Deanna couldn't describe how she felt. It was an enormous satisfying and thrilling sensation yet she kept alert. The circle stopped right above the falls. Will stood behind her, cautious not to make any physical contact in case it might upset her. Before he could ask her to turn around she did. He held his hand out, looking her hopeful in her eyes. Hesitatingly she lifted up her left hand and laid it in his. Will had to restrain himself not to pull her into his arms. Deanna sensed his desire and to her own amazement she was flattered.

"Deanna, I beg you; don't get mad on me until I've finished." 'God, he looks so vulnerable...but it might simply be one of his tricks. _Can_I trust him?' His blue eyes were pleading, begging her and she found herself unable to resist. His eyes lit up at her nod and she felt relief wash through him. 

"I'm afraid the program is not yet finished but then again...this_is_kinda ahead of schedule." Quizzically Deanna looked at him, she didn't have a clue what was going to happen. 

"Yes..." 'Yes what?' "...Sheila and I hung out here a lot." Her features immediately hardened. 'No, I promised I'd give him a chance.' He saw the hardening in her features but continued nonetheless; she had made a promise and Deanna Troi never broke promises. 

"I went here almost every night for the last three weeks. And I felt awful about slipping out our quarters_every_single_time."

"I never sensed that; I only sensed your excitement." His blue eyes widened with surprise.

"You knew?"

"Yes." A simple answer, one he had hoped not to hear.

"Will,"

"I know what you're sensing Deanna, but you_promised_to hear me out. I_did_hope you hadn't noticed. THIS..." He stretched his arm out and swung it pointing across their surroundings. "...Was supposed to be a surprise. I needed Sheila's help to perfectionize the scenery. God, we spend nights arguing about where to place which star and which tree." Deanna shortly closed her eyes; she wasn't sure whether she wanted to listen to this. His voice was so full with passion...love.

"Oh and she was so patiently; she allowed me to create the dress using her as model. She advised me and made wonderful suggestions. Plus...she was able to stand still for more than 2 minutes." The underlying meaning of his words, as teasingly as it was meant didn't escape her; she had never been able to hold still for any longer then a minute. He had teased her with that habit more then once.

"Anyway, judging from how stunningly beautiful you're looking it worked out pretty well." Discomforted by his compliments it took her longer to understand his last words. Brusque she shook her head and put her palms up in front of her.

"Wait a minute...; it worked out?" He had been honest with everything so far, which had surprised and pleased her, she could only hope he wouldn't spoil it now. A victorious smile curled on his lips.

"You didn't know by now?" 'Would she really haven't sensed what I'm trying to tell her?' Their gaze held, neither of them moved a muscle. 'I guess not.'

"This program, and all that belongs with it was supposed to be_your_birthday present Imzadi." He had taken a risque by using that specific endearment, but he thought it was well worth it. Disbelievingly her onyx gaze sought out his.

"That's 4 months away Will."

"And 2 days...Deanna, I wanted it to be perfect." Deanna didn't know what to think of all this anymore; she was confused...scared...relieved...and yes...still angry but also...in love. Had the pain she felt the past days really been based on a misinterpretation?

"I...saw you...in Ten-Forward. Together with her...I sensed your feelings, hers. They...scared me Will...infuriated me." Her words were interrupted by short sobs and swallows. Will mind worked fast. 'That must have been the time I last saw her, when Deanna didn't show up for lunch.'

"What...did you sense." In a low voice he asked his question, cautious not to provoke her.

"Love, affection, want...desire. From both of you." A relieved sigh aired; he could explain that.

"Deanna, those feeling that you sensed, there_were_there, I won't deny that." Her eyes flashed; sometimes honesty wasn't everything.

"Sheila's husband died less then 7 months ago."

"I'm sorry." Her answer came instantly; without thinking and was genuine he realized that very well.

"She was talking about how they met, how he proposed, how their marriage was, how happy she had been and how sudden his death had came. And I'm ashamed to admit it, but I didn't pay really attention. Her story made me realize how a life can change, and even disappear, in a second and I couldn't help myself thinking about you." In silence they watched each other; Will fearless and hopeful knowing he had explained everything in total honestly. Deanna kept herself from thinking anything and instead scanned him thoroughly. For the first time she used her powers to their full potentional without being asked to. She scanned every millimeter of his mind trying to figure out if it would be safe to lower her walls again. Right there and then he had been more honest with her then ever before. And although she despised herself from believing him so quickly she did. But still...there was something else.

"Will...there's something in your heart that you're not telling me." He knew about what she was talking; she sensed that.

"I'm...I'm not sure if it's right to tell you right now."

"I want to...no, I_need_to know."

"Alright then; but no laughing." 

"Uhmm...yeah...no laughing....?" Afraid for what was about to happen she turned her head away. With one finger under her chin he gently forced her to face him with those beautiful onyx eyes of her. They expressed her hope, but also fear for what he was about to say. He ran his fingers through her hair and caressed her face. Deanna shivered at his touch. Piercingly he looked her full in the face, making her feel his every emotion and she knew he felt hers. He folded his large hands around her much smaller ones and held them between their chests.

"I've been doing  lot of thinking lately..." She never liked sentences that began like that and clenched her teeth visibly, gently he squeezed her hands to comfort her. "...About us, 'cos it seems the only thing I have seemed to be_able_to think about. And the past days have only proved that the decision I've made a few weeks ago_was_the right one.

Dammit, I've missed you Deanna! I've missed your presence in my mind, around me. I've missed your presence during breakfast, lunch and dinner. I've missed your body against mine at night, your soothing presence during my sleep. I've missed the opportunity to look at you first thing when I wake up. I missed your laughter in the air and in my head. I missed your musical voice, your always pleasant touch. I've missed our discussions and disagreements. I've missed our shared kisses and our love making. Deanna, I've missed the other half of my soul and I don't_EVER_want to miss any of that again. And I want you, I_need_you in my life. I_LOVE_YOU IMZADI and if you still love me, after all the stupid, idiot, hurting things I've done I want to seal our love in an Earth tradition, or a Betazoid tradition, he*l, even a Klingon one!" His begging plea touched her heart, but although she sensed he was genuine, honest and serious she still didn't know what to believe of it. Deanna knew what he was asking, he could see that on her face but he could also see how unsure she was. He gave her time to think his words over and drank in her delicate features. 'God, she's so god damn beautiful.' The longer she didn't response, the more impatient and insecure he became. Thus far he hadn't even considered what he'd say or do when she said 'no' and rejected him. After all, they_were_Imzadi and Imzadi_was_forever. 

"My love, I'm asking,_begging_you to give me one last chance; one to make you see that I love you more then I could possibly describe in simple words. One to let you know that I hurt you so much because I was_afraid_of how completely, entirely, thoroughly and forever I love you." She couldn't believe this; he was really telling her exactly how he_felt_. And the thing was; he also told exactly how she felt. But still she didn't dare to believe him.

"I know that you probably are afraid to believe me...heck, I'm afraid to believe it myself! This amount of love for one single woman scares me Deanna, it_scares_me. I'm scared that I might loose myself in my love for you. I'm scared you won't be at my side when I wake up, scared that I won't have the luck to look at that beautiful face of yours. Scared that one day you'll presence in my mind will have disappeared." Tears were stinging behind her onyx eyes. 'Gods, I love him, I do. But can I trust him?'

"Marry me. Deanna Troi WILL YOU MARRY ME?." He blurred the words out and sighed deeply, relieved he had finally asked, he found himself shaking from nervousity. Deanna was stunned, overwhelmed. Did he really ask her that?

"Marry you?" She finally brought out.

"Yes, be my wife Imzadi, I mean it." He could see by her eyes she was reading him.

"I promise it'll be different this time, I won't run away, I can't." 

"What do you expect me to say to that?" There were breaks in her voice.

"Well, something like 'yes' or 'no'." He said nervy. Why did it take her so long?

"I don't know."

"Deanna it took me 14 years to realize I can't live without you. I won't let you slip away again."

"I don't know Will." She neurotically shook her head and whispered, "I just don't know." She sensed his disappointment.

"If you need to think about it, take all the time you need, I'll wait." For a moment he laid his hand on her shoulder, to comfort and encourage her. He turned around.

"Computer, exit." The doors appeared a few metres away.

"I don't know if I can trust you again. Trust you enough to give you my heart, my soul again. Giving you the power to break my heart again."

"I understand that, but I_could_never hurt you again. And I'm not asking you to give me your heart. I'm asking you to_share_your heart with me, to share with me the beauty of your soul as I will share mine with you." He had changed; she was sure of that now. The Will Riker of a lifetime ago would never have told, asked her all that; she was too overwhelmed to say something and slowly he began to walk to the doors.

"Let me know your decision my love; I'll be waiting for it."  With tears streaming down she watched him walking away, with each step he took her heart ached a little more. She didn't want to give in; she had to think this over rationally, without distraction. She had felt so lost the past days. 'No,' she corrected herself. 'I didn't feel lost, I felt as if I_lost_something.' The doors hissed back in place leaving Will on the corridor. 'And I've just lost it again. Who am I without his presence in my mind? He's been there, with me ever since we met a lifetime ago.'

"I should take, give him this chance. What I was about to, what I almost had done...I did that because I thought I lost him, forever this time. I makes me see that I have nothing to loose except our bond. Oh, KIA, I_LOVE_HIM!" Her words had started out as a whisper, but each was stronger and louder than the one before.

"WILL!" Of course he didn't hear her.

~IMZADI!~ Will froze on the center of the Bridge. Had he heard that? Or had it been his imagination?

~IMZADI!~ His eyes widened; it hadn't been his imagination; she was calling out to him.

"Number One, are you alright?" Absently he addressed his Captain.

"Excuse me Sir; I have an appointment." 'With a new life.' And without waiting for the Captain's permission he left and ran to the Holodeck. 'Yes, yes,YES!!!' The doors opened and he entered without hesitation. Slowly and suddenly scared he walked to her. 'She hasn't told me yet...' Deanna lifted up her bended head and locked the dark gaze of her beautiful large brown eyes on him. The purple light of the plateau created a mysterious glow around her. It looked as if she was floating in the air.

"Will..." Her musical voice filled the air around them. "...You're scared."

"Yes...scared that you have decided not to accept; scared that we'll go back to being just best of friends." 5 meters separated them, a distance that could easily be diminished. On Deanna's face a smile surfaced, her eyes twinkled again.

"Will." She said firmly, catching his attention. His heart beating in his throat, it was either now or never. "...Imzadi." When she said 'Imzadi' a warm feeling ran through his veins. "...I do." Immediately understanding what she meant he ran to her and took his Imzadi in his arms. Enthusiastic and relieved he lifted her up and swung her around. When he put her down she laid her arms on his neck.

"I thought you'd never ask." She whispered and brushed her lips over his. A sigh escaped him, she felt so good against him. He couldn't get enough of her and kissed her again, more urgent now. Slithly Deanna parted her lips and immediately he deepened their kiss. Their tongues started a fiery dance and suddenly she felt him seeking out to her mentally. Pleased that he was the one who tried to re-establish the link she opened her mind. Their souls instantly found on another and joined; spreading out the familiar feeling of content. He held her tightly in his arms, pulling her as close as possible. Their happiness and mutual love beamed off their faces. The circle brought them down and seconds later they stood on solid ground again. At least, their bodies. Will pulled Deanna towards him, they kissed each other tender and lovingly. She wrapped her thought round him and crawled mentally closer. Will lifted her up and gently laid her down on a bed of flowers. He lingeringly kissed her on her cheek and stood up.

"Computer, lock doors and block all authorization codes, except those of Counselor Deanna Troi and Commander William T. Riker."

"Counselor Troi, do you agree?" The computer's voice asked.

"Yes, I do." Deanna replied.

"Authorizations blocked." Will looked down on Deanna, finally was that beautiful creature his and he was hers, for now and forever.

"I love you Deanna" She smiled back and seducible said:

"Well than, try to prove it Imzadi." She ensconced her self in the flower leafs.

"I will." Was his reply. He bend over, bringing his face very close to hers. They didn't move for a few moments, studying each other's eyes and face. He kissed her gently and long. Soon their kisses became wilder, more heated, passionate. The gaps between them shorter and shorter. His hands were next to her shoulders, her hands caressing his back. He stopped kissing her and took his shirt off. Deanna laid her arms above her head. Will kissed her again, this time on her cheek, than her chin. He moved down to her neck and lower, kissing her chest. Deanna closed her eyes, enjoying every second. Her breathing became more shallow and faster. Will began strapping down her dress. First he peeled her gloves down her arms. Then he hooked his fingers behind the front of her dress and strapped it down her body. The feeling of the silky material of her dress sliding down her body made her shiver. When he had pulled the dress away for her and tossed it down behind him she guided him up with her hands. Eagerly wanting to taste his lips again. On his way up he caressed her small and elegant body, making her shiver of pleasure. Their kiss was even wilder and heated than the ones before when their mouth finally met again. Her hands ran wildly over his chest and back. His hand was on her jaw, guiding her head. Their breathing was heavy and fast, their desire was immense. Her body tingled from pleasure and longing. They had missed each other, not just the past days but ever since he left Betazed. She longed for him, more than she thought she possibly could.

"I love you Imzadi." She gasped.

"I...love...you...too." He gasped back. There was no time or air to talk. Their love was fierier than ever before. All her insecurity and fears fainted, the significance from everything disappeared. She felt a tingling sensation in her abdomen.

"Deanna?" Will panted. Deanna moaned as reply. For her all that existed were their heated bodies, their emotions and feelings and their fiery love. And that was all that mattered.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Exhausted Deanna and Will lay side by side.

"I love you Will, more than I can say." A deep yawn followed. He smiled at her.

"I know, finally I know. You're tired, go to sleep. I promise I'll be there when you wake up." He ran his fingers through her hair and planted a kiss on her forehead.

"Sleep tight, Imzadi." He whispered. Deanna snuggled even closer against him, her head resting on his chest. One hand on her shoulder, the other fondling his chest. His hands were in her hair and on her waist. He had the computer lay sheets over them so she wouldn't become cold.

"Goodnight Imzadi." She whispered. He caressed her face.

"I love you."

"I love you too." He responded. Exhausted and satisfied they felt a sleep.

~D~

So it_was_cliché, I'm just being sentimental ;)

As long as you know that this_isn't_the end; by_far_.


	6. Chapter Five: Intended Misconceptions

Disclaimer:         Still want one? Alright; then have a look at the first part.

Rating:               lightest again, beats me which one exactly; sorry

Chapter Five: **Intended Misconceptions**

"Captain." Data turned around.

"What is it Data?" It was extremely quiet on the Bridge, it had been all night.

"We're receiving a Code Alpha One Sir, Captain's eyes only."

"Are you sure?" An unnecessary question of course.

"Positive Sir." Jean-Luc wondered what it could be about. The Federation wasn't at war, it was more peaceful than it had been in ages.

"Patch it through to my Ready Room."

"Aye Sir." Jean-Luc stood up and straightened his shirt before he walked to his Ready Room.

"Computer open ComLink. Authorization Picard-White Dwarf-five-three-six-Red." He sat down in front of the monitor.

ComLink opened.

"Display." On the screen the image of admiral Necheyev appeared.

Captain Picard. How good to see you again. He could see she was only pretending to be polite.

"Like wise, admiral." He politely responded. He wondered what she wanted. Whenever she contacted him it was about a major change for him or for one of his crew.

His Commander Troi with you? The admiral was obviously in a hurry.

"No she isn't, but I can summon her."

Than do that. Her tone was serious and brusque. He wondered what she wanted from Deanna and why she contacted her through him, but something told him he would find out soon enough.

"Counselor Troi, report to the Captain's Ready Room." He waited for a response, but none came.

"Picard to Troi." Still she didn't respond.

"Computer what is the location of Counselor Troi?"

Counselor Troi is on Holodeck 4.

"Set-up communications with Holodeck 4." Admiral Necheyev ticked with her fingernails on her desk.

Unable to comply. Jean-Luc was surprised and a bit irritated.

"Explanation."

Invalid authorization. Invalid? How was that possible? The Holodeck was accessible for all crewmembers at any given time. This really began to work on his nerves.

"Which authorizations are valid?"

Those of Counselor Deanna Troi and Commander William T. Riker. That explained things. He would rather not interfere with whatever they were doing. The admiral had lost her patience; she could do this without Deanna.

Captain, is Commander Troi off duty?

"Yes Sir, she is." 'Commander Troi' it still sounded odd. For him she would always remain Counselor Troi. She could have outranked him by now. A year ago they offered her the position of head of Starfleet Counselor corps. She would be promoted to Admiral and get her own ship. She had turned it down, much to his relieve.

Than we'll discuss the matter without her. One and a half week ago or so... 'Or so'? Admiral Necheyev was known for her precisely.

I contacted Commander Troi. Jean-Luc remembered that day. It was the day they first noticed the change in Deanna's behaviour. He wondered whether those changes would have something to do with the admiral.

I offered her a new assignment. 'Again?' 

"A new assignment?"

Yes, specifics you have to ask Commander Troi, I don't have them.

"You don't?" Was he mistaken or did the admiral sound jealous?

No, it's topsecret. Only Commander Troi and the top of Starfleet's High Council know the specifics. All I know that the assignment is temporal and that she'll be directly under the Council's command. He could see by her face she didn't like being left out.

Commander Troi will be picked up in three days.

"That soon?" Normally a transfer was known months before it actually took place. Even transfers like this one.

Yes, we have made a list of counselors to replace her.

"Why? I mean if the assignment is temporal." An entire list, again an unusual order.

We'll transmit the list now. For further information you have to be with Commander Troi. That would be all Captain, goodbye. Why did she evade his question?

"Wait a minute admiral." He hoped he was in time.

What is it?

"Which ship will pick her up?" Sadie had hoped he wouldn't ask, she knew he wasn't going to like it.

The S.S.S. Decoy. Now, I have to go. The screen went black. Jean-Luc leant back in his chair. His head was full with questions. Mostly he wondered what Deanna's mission would be. What worried him was the Triple-S Decoy. Why for heaven's sake a Secret Service Ship? Those ships were unregistered, so was their crew. If a Triple-S got in trouble they couldn't count on back-up because as well Starfleet as the Federation would deny their existence. Very little people knew they existed, not even all admirals knew how many Triple-S's there were. Despite his curiosity and concern Jean-Luc decided to wait until Deanna would come to him. He knew her well enough to know it wouldn't be long before she would.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Deanna slowly woke up, she blinked with her eyes and gradually became aware of her surroundings. It was still night, she saw the stars and the moon and heard the falls. She remembered what had happened only hours ago. Will had proposed her, and she had excepted. For a moment she was convinced it had been just a dream, for a moment that was. She looked up to Will, he was still a sleep. She laid still, thinking about the past days, how she could have misinterpreted his feelings. Still he was a sleep, she decided to wake him. Deanna up righted herself and bend over to kiss him awake, straddling his waist. Will kissed her back without opening his eyes. He rolled over and now he was on top of her.

"That's what I call a nice wake up." He said between their kisses, then stopped and looked down on her with mellowed and loving eyes.

"We are going to be together from now on, nothing can separate us anymore." Suddenly Deanna remembered her new assignment. Because of all that had happened she had totally forgot about it. A wave of sadness and guilt hit her. Why did she always have such an awkward timing? She pushed him off.

"Will, I have to tell you something." Her serious tone surprised and worried him. Deanna sat up.

"What's wrong?" Will sat up as well.

"When...after...the day..." Deanna had trouble expressing herself.

"Take it easy, we have all the time in the galaxy." He tried to calm her down. She shook her head.

"No, we don't. We don't have time." He didn't understand her, she sensed it.

"I'm..." She took a deep breath. "...I'll leave the Enterprise in less than 72 hours." There, she had informed him. With her head bend down she quietly waited for his reaction.

"What!? You're leaving!?" His words and tone expressed his disbelieve, Deanna lifted up her head and started to explain.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Will seemed hypnotized. What Deanna had just told him seemed so unreal, so out of place.

"Will, if I would have a choice I'd stay, but I can't, not anymore." Her voice broke. She didn't want to leave, especially not now. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Deanna, I don't want you to go." He made it sound like an announcement, as if they had already agreed she wouldn't go. He looked at her, again she cast her eyes down.

"I don't have a choice, there are too many lives at stake."

"What about yours?" He raised his voice and grabbed her shoulders. This wasn't fair, they had finally found each other and now this.

"What is my life compared to those of millions?" Deanna swallowed her tears. Will had nothing to say to that. She was right of course. But why her? For him she_was_more important than everybody else. He laid his hand on her jaw and made her face him. In her eyes he could see her sadness.

"Promise me you will return." The Betazoid looked away, avoiding his hurt gaze at all costs.

"Promise me." He said more urgent now.

"I can't, you know the odds." His eyes hardened.

"You can't start thinking like that! You have to promise me you'll do whatever is in your power to return." She shook her head and whispered

"No false hopes Will. You have to continue your life, don't count on my return." Of course she didn't want him to forget her, but considering the odds...Will was a bit angry at her, she sounded as if she had already given up the fight.

"I can't Deanna, I refuse to. Promise me you'll try. I promise I'll wait for you." She was so glad he said that, she really needed to hear it. Deanna took his hands and held them against her chest.

"I promise." Gently she kissed him, barely touching him.

"I love you and don't you dare to forget that." They smiled and hugged. When Will looked at her face he saw the tears rolling down. He held Deanna tightly and slowly rocked their body back and forth. Deanna couldn't help crying. It felt so good to be with him, to sense his motions, hear his comforting voice. She was scared, scared that she would never see him again, but also scared that if she_did_come back, things would have changed. Will caressed her face and ran his fingers through her hair. His head rested on hers.

"Ssst Imzadi. It's alright, you'll make it. I know you will." She felt so much warmth and love, his voice comforted her. The crying changed into sobbing. 

They sat like that for a while, he holding her tightly in his arms, she simply enjoying being with him. 

Suddenly she became aware of someone else's feelings. Deanna wiped away her tears, than stood up. Quickly and gently she kissed him and walked away.

"Computer, doors." She summoned.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to talk to the Captain. It'll take a while, don't wait for me." Will watched her walk out, her hair following her movements. When she stepped out the Holodeck her nightgown changed into her uniform. The doors closed and he lost sight of her.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Come in." Jean-Luc straightened his back and turned his chair around.

"Counselor." Deanna sat down on the other side of his desk, she looked serious. The Captain was looking for a way to start the conversation.

"I assume admiral Necheyev has already contacted you." She jumped right into the subject, he wasn't used to her doing that.

"Yes, she has."

"Than I suppose you have some questions." The Counselor clearly didn't intend this conversation to last very long. Jean-Luc leant forward and placed his hands under his chin.

"I, want you to tell me the mission-specifications." Troi sighed, so much for the short conversation. She stroke a lock of hair behind her ear and started to summarize the specifications. She rattled them of, grateful that the Captain didn't interrupt her. When she was finally finished she leaned back in her chair. While Jean-Luc was thinking over the information she had just given him, Deanna read him. She sensed his concern about the mission, his amazement. Also she sensed his curiosity and a bit of pride from him. He lifted up his head, his face revealing no emotions as usual.

"You...," He took his time, time she didn't have.

"Counselor, you left out three important points: responsibility, risk factor and your function." She had hoped he would've been so overwhelmed by the information she had given him that he wouldn't notice she had 'forgot' those points. Now she had to inform him.

"No one is responsible. If anything goes wrong Starfleet as well as the Federation will deny the existence of the mission and of the crew involved. Al evidence, including Personnel Files and Service Records will be destroyed. No logs or files are allowed to be made." Jean-Luc puckered his eyes. Deanna continued to answer his question.

"The risk for the High Council, Starfleet and the Federation is practically non-existing. The supporting crew's chance on survival is 95%, that of the key-agents 10%." She wasn't totally honest with him; on the contrary to what she let him believe there was only one key-agent.

"10% isn't much." This mission kept amazing him, by his knowledge all missions with such a high risk factor weren't even executed.

"I know." The sad way she said that put him on alert. He was almost scared to ask her about her function, yet he did.

"Deanna, what will your function be?" Deanna bend her head and lowered her voice. "Key-agent Sir." She looked at him from under her long, dark eyelashes, waiting for his response. She knew what his next question would be, but she patiently waited.

"Counselor, are you sure you want to go through with this?" 'YES; I_don't_.

"Yes, I'm sure Captain, I have to." Jean-Luc knew he couldn't change her mind. He admired her, she had had a difficult time recently and surely this mission wasn't going to be easy. But he was worried that she might she it as an escape. Deanna sensed his concern.

"Captain, I have to do this, there are so many lives at stake." He nodded.

"Will you inform the rest of the Staff yourself or do you want me to inform them?"

"I'd like to tell Beverly myself." He waited for her to continue, but she didn't.

"What about Commander Riker?" Her eyes hardened. "What about him?" She didn't want his compassion, it was hard enough as it was. Jean-Luc stood up and walked to her.

"Deanna, I know the two of you haven't been, on good terms, recently  but I do think you should inform him yourself."

"I don't see why." Deanna's answer was snappy. 

"Now, If you'll excuse me, I have an appointment." She stood up and walked to the doors.

"Deanna." She turned around, inwards laughing. How many times hadn't she felt the frights of crewmembers when he called them back the last minute.

"Good luck." A grateful smile washed over her face.

"Thank you Captain." Jean-Luc was concerned, very concerned and not without reason. '71 hours to go.'

------------------------------------------------------------------

On her way to the Holodeck she ran into Will. He pushed her against the wall and kissed her passionately. She kissed back, than pushed him away barely able to restrain herself.

"Don't."

"Why not?" She smiled and walked away. He watched her leave, than continued his way. Suddenly he heard her saying.

~I'll explain later Imzadi.~ Thinking she was standing behind him, he turned around. When he didn't see her he realized what had happened. He was thrilled, exited and relieved. Finally he had regained her total trust and once again she let him in. He decided to wait for her in her quarters, in the mean time he would  prepare a surprise for her. The doors weren't locked, he hadn't given her time to do that when they went to the Holodeck. The first thing he noticed was that all his belongings and presents were gone. Apparently Deanna had been so outraged she had thrown away or stored all his stuff. The last time before their 'fight' that he had been there is was a mess, well actually, they made it a mess. Now it was perfectly clean. Enthusiastic he started to decorate.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Deanna arrived at the Holodeck, Beverly was already there. This was going to be difficult, persuading Beverly to take the scans, informing her about her departure and than there was the Deanna-Will thing about which she was sure Beverly would ask.

"Hello Bev." She said with the happiest face possible.

"Deanna." Beverly welcomed her with one of her big smiles. She was curious about what had happened between Will and Deanna but tried to restrain herself. Energetic they started their exercises. Beverly noticed Deanna couldn't concentrate, which was very unusual. Curiosity won from her politeness.

"Deanna, are you alright?" The Betazoid stoically continued doing her exercises.

"I'm fine, why shouldn't I." Wow, this was like déjà vu.

"To be honest, you seem somewhat distract."

"I just have some thinking to do, that's all ."

"Are you sure?" She felt the gaze of the Doctor on her back and she sensed she didn't believe her.

"Yes, I'm sure." Beverly gave up and returned to her exercises. Deanna knew it wouldn't last long.

"If you don't mind me asking..." Well, she had expected it to last a bit longer.

"...How is it between you and Will?" Deanna stood up and looked her friend full in the face.

"I do mind you asking." She put on a face of steel; having decided how to handle this.

"What's going on?" The smaller woman kept quiet and just when Beverly was about to ask the question again she spoke up.

"I might as well tell you. Will and I have decided...we've taken our relation in quite a different direction."

"You're not saying that you've..."

"We both agreed it would be the best for both if us." She knew how her friend would interpret that, but she didn't do anything to get her back on track.

"I'm so sorry for you."

"Don't be, I'm actually quite glad we've made up our minds."

"I can understand that, but don't you love him anymore?" The smaller woman smiled and sat down on a bench.

"O, I still love him, more than anything."

"Than why this change?" A sigh filled the air.

"15 Years is a long time Bev." And it was, only yesterday she had realized how much she had longed for him in those years. The red-haired sat down besides her.

"I can't deny that. But do you think it'll last?" Deanna knew to what Beverly was referring and answered honestly.

"If things go as planned, till one of us dies." Beverly widened her eyes.

"That's rather drastic." Deanna turned her head away for a moment so Beverly wouldn't see her laugh.

"Beverly, would you mind?" The CMO got the hint.

"No, of course not." For another 15 minutes they did their exercises. Deanna sensed Beverly's compassion, her disappointment. Beverly didn't know what to think of it. Deanna and Will had tried to be 'just' friends several times before, it never had lasted very long. But things were different, the last days had had a major impact on how Deanna saw their relation.

"Deanna, I have to go back to Sickbay."

"Okay, I'll see you later." They picked up their towels and walked to the Turbolift. Beverly laid her hand on Deanna's shoulder.

"If you want to talk..."

"I know." When Beverly got out Deanna joined her.

"Where are you going?" Deanna had expected this, after all Beverly couldn't help being curious of nature.

"To Sickbay." She said it as if it was perfectly logical.

"Is something wrong?"

"I certainly hope not." Actually she did. She hoped she had some disease that would make it impossible for her to fulfil her mission. They walked Sickbay in.

---------------------------------------------------

Will was almost finished. All he had to do now was to put the candles in place and to light them. He couldn't wait till Deanna came back and saw what he had done.

---------------------------------------------------

Beverly turned towards Deanna.

"What can I do for you?"

"I need you to run a level 4 medical check-up scan on me." Beverly tried to figure out whether or not Deanna was joking. She dropped to the conclusion that she was too serious to be joking.

"Deanna, you know the medical check-ups are scheduled next forthnight."

"I'm aware of that, but I won't be here at that time and I need them as soon as possible." She sensed Beverly's confusion, her concern and her curiosity.

"Has the Captain authorized this?" Deanna shook her head.

"No, he hasn't."

"Than I suggest you..." 

"Admiral Necheyev has."

"Admiral Necheyv?" The Betazoid nodded. Beverly didn't like that woman; she always brought bad news.

"Deanna, what's going on?" She had asked her question, she just hoped Deanna would talk.

"I'll explain while you're running the scans okay?"

"Of course. You can change your clothes and lie down on one of the biobeds, I'll ready my equipment. In the mean time, talk." As a good girl, Deanna did what the Doctor had told her to.

By the time she was finished Beverly had completed the scans.

"Have you told Will yet?"

"Why should I?" Beverly reproachful glanced at her.

"You know why Deanna." Beverly looked incomprehensible.

"You have been acting like Wesley did when he was three years old. You care deeply for each other but you're both too proud to say or show it!" It was a bit harsh and overexeggerated, Beverly realized that, but the constant twisting and turning of Will and Deanna irritated her.

"Deanna, make up with him, before it's too late." The Counselor's face was tight-lipped.

"I'll think about it." Beverly saw she wanted to leave.

"I'll call you in when I have the results." Deanna jumped off the biobed.

"Thanks." She called out on her way out.

"And Deanna, don't ignore your feelings."

-----------------------------------------------------------

Deanna was probing the ship, trying to pick out Will, trying to locate him and to sense what he was doing. A warm feeling suddenly hit her; she had found him. She couldn't locate him unfortunately. He felt warm and excited; he was up to something. When she was nearby her quarters she realized he was in.

Will knew Deanna was coming. He hid himself in a place from where he could see the look on her face when she entered.

Deanna unlocked her doors and walked in. She was stunned by what she saw. There were white flowers everywhere. She recognized tulips, Klingon Orchids, Betazoid Roses, Juwelplants and there were at least dozen other sorts which she had never seen before. Her bed and sofa were covered with flower leafs, most of them red, some black or white. Dazzled she walked around. Candles shined on every table, shiny blue sparks danced on the ceiling, softly an ancient love song played. Will came fro behind her and seized for her waist. He pulled her against him and kissed her in her neck. She was scared.

"Who!?"

"Imzadi, it's just me." She sighed of relief, she had totally forgot his presence.

"Will." She turned around and kissed him hello. Deanna danced around, her arms spread.

"How did you do all this?" He smiled, she had changed. The times of closure, hiding and insecurity were over, she had opened up and fully enjoyed her life.

"Well, the computer was a big help. Do you like it?"

"Like it? I love it!" He watch her energetic movements with mellowed eyes. Deanna had promised herself she'd make her remaining days as enjoyable as possible.

"It's so beautiful!" She kissed him on his nose.

"Not half as beautiful as you are." Deanna glanced at him. She was flattered, her eyes sparkled.

"Computer change uniform for S.O-dress..." She thought a minute. "...Six" A long red dress replaced her uniform. The model was almost the same as that of the turquoise one she often wore when she was off duty. But this one was more sexy. Will walked towards her and took her head between his hands. Seductive she glanced at him with her big brown eyes. Her fingers caressed his cheek and touched his lips. Anticipating what would happen she walked away and sat down on the bed. He followed her. His kiss was passionate, as a response she pulled off his shirt. He pushed her down.

They had such a sort time left, but they intended to fully use it.

--------------------------------------------------------------

For a while they enjoyed the afterglow, laying side by side.

"I'm hungry." She suddenly said, it triggered a laugh-response.

"I'm hungry too." He confessed. Deanna jumped up and pulled Will over.

"I'm going to take a shower."

"Well, I suppose I'll make dinner then?"

"If you insist." She kissed him and walked to the shower. He started the preparations. A minute later he heard the water streaming down. The thought to peek at her crossed his mind.

~Ho,ho, don't you dare.~ Her musical voice filled his head.

~And what if I will?~ He teasingly asked. 

~I don't know yet, but I can assure you I'll think of something. How's dinner going?~

~I haven't started yet. Any suggestions?~

~Surprise me.~

~Haven't I surprised you enough lately?~ She laughed out loud. Whistling he started. Their first telepathic conversation since a very long time; he felt fantastic. Will decided to prepare some traditional Betazoid dishes. Well, he would have the replicator make them, he would lay the table. Will was just finished when Deanna walked in.

"Hmmm, that smells good." He looked at her. She wore the red dress again and she had put a traditional hairpiece in her hair. It was the one he had given her on Betazed. The colour; red and length of the piece indicated she was engaged.

"You've kept it."

"Yes, I have. It reminded me of the good times we had together." She sat down on the other side of the table. He took her hands.

~Deanna, I'm sorry about what happened on Betazed.~ He was honest, she could tell. She swallowed and cast her eyes down for a second.

~Don't...talk about it. Let's enjoy our last days.~

~You're right.~ They began to eat. Deanna was starving and ate quite fast.

"Will, this is delicious."

"Don't thank me, thank the replicator." She laughed, her smile caught his eyes. When they were finished he cleaned the table and revealed the deserts.

"Chocolate ice-cream." Her smile froze. "Will, you shouldn't have."

"It was no effort at all."

"No, I really mean you shouldn't have. If I continue like this I'll be twice as big as you in no time." He laughed at her.

"The more there is for me to love. It won't go that fast, besides I'm sure you'll make up during Mok'Ba'Rah." 'Yeah, sure' she thought.

"Speaking of which; how did Beverly react?"

"On what?" She was cautious, he wondered why.

"Us." Deanna looked down, somewhat embarrassed.

"I haven't told her yet."

"You haven't?" She shook her head. He had expected her to. She was thrilled about it, it was only natural she'd tell her best friend.

"Well, not exactly." A naughty grin appeared on her face.

"Deanna? What have you told her?" Her eyes twinkled.

"Well, I, uhmm, I told her that we, that we have taken our relation in a different direction."

"Deanna." His voice was disapproving.

"How could I know she would interpret it that way?" Deanna played innocence itself. She was laughing now.

"What way?"

"The wrong one." She couldn't stop laughing: the look on his face, Beverly's reaction, the truth, her precarious position. He assumed it was the combination of nervousness and fun. He could see the humour of the situation.

"We could pretend to have broken up, in that way the surprise will be even bigger, right?"

"I don't want to hide my love for you." He kissed her hands to seal that statement.

"You don't have to when we're alone." They bend towards each other and softly kissed.

"I thought Betazoids don't lie?"

"They don't; and I didn't either. I just...didn't tell the_entire_truth." Laughing she got up, walked to him and sat down on his lap. Instinctively he encircled her waist with his arms and pulled her closer.

"Do you want to tell the others? Before I leave?" Will thought about that. If he did they would keep reminding him, telling him how sorry they were.

"What do you want?" He wasn't comfortable talking about this; she sensed that very clearly.

"What I want isn't important; I won't be here." Snuggling closer against him she brushed her lips over his. If he would tell them,... he could tell them anytime.

"I think I don't; it would only make it harder." He felt guilty, Deanna would have a much harder time than he would.

"And if I die?"

"I don't want to think about that." His answer was short and brusque. She didn't want to think about it either, but she had to know.

"What if?" He bend his head, than looked at her. "I'll ...tell them...eventually." She smiled, it was the answer she had expected. Will lifted his Imzadi from his lap and put her on her feed. He stood up as well and guided her to the couch. They spend the next hours discussing the wedding, sitting next to one another.

Suddenly Deanna stood up, "O da*n!" Surprised and worried her Imzadi looked up.

"What is it?"

"I have the XO watch." "Last time" She added. Will laughed.

"That's a coincidence, I have command." 

"That's going to be fun." Abruptly Deanna stood still and sighed.

"What is it?" 

"It's not a coincidence Will, it's Beverly." He didn't understand her immediately. His confusion made her laugh. She walked to her wardrobe to put a uniform on.

"Ooh." A belated reaction...typical to a man in love.

"I'm going. I'll see you on the Bridge."

----------------------------------------------------------

"Ah, Counselor." Jean-Luc stood up from his chair

"Captain." Deanna sat down in her chair.

"Who will be in command?"

"Commander Riker will be." Deanna's smile disappeared, Jean-Luc noticed it.

"Do you have a problem with that Counselor.?" She sensed his concern and turned to him with an embittered look.

"No, why should I." Her answer was curt. The doors of the Turbolift opened, Captain Picard and Counselor Troi turned towards them.

"Speaking about the devil..." Will walked down.

"Hello Captain...Counselor." Brusquely he nodded at her. The Captain handed him a pad.

"Here are your instructions Number One. Counselor Troi will be your XO this watch. If you need me I'll be in my quarters."

"Acknowledged Sir." Jean-Luc glanced at Will, than at Deanna and back at Will again.

"Keep the ship in one piece will you?" He asked and left. Will turned to Deanna, she winked at him.

"Deanna, could you...?"

"Commander I'd appreciate it if you'd refer to me as 'Counselor' or as 'Commander'."  She seemed serious, they felt the crew on the Bridge was looking at him.

"If you insist." Politely she smiled.

"I do." He played the game along; she hadn't expect him to do otherwise.

"Very well Counselor. Would you be so kind to read this pad." He sounded sarcastic now.

"Of course Sir." Over-polite she made a little bow, took the pad and sat down; crossing her legs. Will sat down at her side. After she was finished she handed the pad back.

"Well, it promises to be a quiet watch." The remark was snappy, her voice cattish.

"Yes it does."  They both looked straight ahead, avoiding looking at each other. The others on the Bridge thought they didn't look had each other because they were in a fight. They knew however that if they did they'd burst into laughing.

"Helm?" Lieutenant Murphy startled.

"Yes Sir?" 

"What's our current heading and speed?"

"Heading is 317 mark 025, speed warp 3.5" The fright sounded in the lieutenants voice.

~You scared him Will.~ 

~It's your fault~ He replied.

"And our ETA?"

"09.15 Hours" Lieutenant Murphy had calmed down. There was tension on the Bridge they were all aware of that.

"Increase velocity to warp 4."

"Aye Sir." The Bridge was wrapped in silence again. Deanna and Will were discussing the wedding again.

~Okay, so who will sit next to who?~

~Why don't we let hem choose?~ Deanna had great difficulty not to laugh out loud.

~Yeah right. And what if my mother sits down next to the Captain? Or worse, to Worf?~

~Let's give them their places.~ Will agreed. Deanna made a weird noise because she wasn't able not to laugh. Curious lieutenant Murphy turned around.

"What are you looking at?" That was maybe a bit too cattish. 

"Nothing Ma'am." With a flush on his cheeks he quickly turned back.

"Counselor, to my Ready Room."

"Aye Sir." They quickly walked into the Ready Room. She loudly laughed.

"The look on his face!" Will also couldn't help laughing.

"Deanna could you tone it down a bit? I almost start thinking you hate me." Sensing his sincerity she walked to him.

"You know better than that." Passionately she kissed him.

"We have to go back."

"Hmm." He hold her tightly and didn't let her go.

"Not now Will. This is the Captain's Ready Room."

"I don't care." He muttered and kissed her again. She laughed and pushed him away, returning to the Bridge, he followed a few steps behind.

"Captain, what are you doing here?"

"I need one of the Science Stations. How's it going up here?"

"Well, we haven't encountered any difficulties." Jean-Luc turned towards Deanna. She sensed what he was up to.

"Counselor?"

"I must agree with Commander Riker Sir." Again a cattish answer.

"Well than I won't bother you further." Each of them walked to their places. Telepathically Deanna informed Will about the Captains intensions. Jean-Luc kept an eye on them, he hoped to find out whether their behaviour had changed or not. But they didn't talk or look at each other.

~The places on the table.~ He handed her the pad.

~Perfect, let's keep it that way.~ She gave the pad back.

"And, what do you think of it?" She winked at him and he winked back.

"I don't think my opinion is important in this case Sir. And neither do you so why bother asking?" Jean-Luc turned around and watched them.

"I was just trying to be polite."

"It's no use." Contemptuous he glanced at her.

"All right than, could you bring this to Sickbay?" ~I'll see you in your quarters.~

~I'll be there.~ "As you wish Sir." She stood up and headed for the Turbolift. The Captain walked past Will.

"Number One, to my Ready Room." Will followed.

"What's going on between you and Counselor Troi?" He knew what had happened, Beverly had informed him.

"Nothing Sir."

"Than what's the current status of your relation?" Will remembered Deanna's words.

"Let's say we've quite drastically changed it Sir." He now realized Deanna hadn't lied.

"Fine, but keep your disagreements off my Bridge."

"Yes Sir." Will walked to the doors.

"And Number One..." Inwards Will laughed, he hadn't expected anything else but a last minute remark.

"I'm sorry to hear it has." The Captain wasn't as strict as he seemed. Will left with a big grin on his face. His shift was over. He went to her quarters, knowing she would be there.

------------------------------------------------------------

She was sitting on the sofa, holding a cup of hot-chocolate in her hands. She looked up to him, he sat down besides her and kissed her hello. Tiredly she smiled.

"You're tired, I can tell by your face." Deanna snuggled against him, he held her tightly in his arms.

"Yes I am." The Betazoid yawned and closed her eyes. The last days had been exhausting. All the different emotions she experienced; all the things that needed to be taken care off; the information she had to put in her head, the new language she had to learn. All she wanted to do now was to sleep. She could hardly open her eyes, her eyelids were too heavy. Her breathing slowed down and she fell asleep in Will's arms.

"Let's go to bed Imzadi." No reaction.

"Deanna?" He tapped her on her shoulder.

"Hmmm,hmmm." She twisted a bit, making herself more comfortable. Mollified he smiled at her. Gently he pushed her up and stood up. He placed his hands under her body and picked her up. Weak she hung in his arms. He carried her over to her bed, laid her down and undressed her. After having tucked her in he took of his uniform as well and crawled under the sheets next to her. She turned on her side, using his chest as pillow instantly he wrapped his arms around her slender body.

"Sleep tight Imzadi." She muttered as reply. Will thought about the future, he had avoid thinking about that in her presence. Not wanting to trouble her with his concerns. In about 60 hours she would leave, she would be gone for he didn't know how long. She had warned him it could take years before she'd return. He couldn't imagine life without her; she had been a part of his live for over fifteen years. He still felt guilty about leaving her on Betazed. The first week he had to restrain himself not to run back to her. Of course they kept in touch, through letters and a CommLink once a month. He couldn't wait until they would see each other again on Risa. But weeks past and he found his way around the ship; he even got a promotion. His communications with Deanna lost priority, sometimes he even forgot them. One day they returned to the ship, after successfully having executed a dangerous away-mission; it was about three months after the Nervala IV incident. When they were celebrating their succes he realized that that was what he wanted. He wanted to lead Away-Teams, maybe even become a captain of a Starship. He could not find the courage in his heart to tell Deanna in a letter. But soon their last CommLink before their meeting on Risa was coming up and he knew he had to tell her than. Telling her was easier than he had expected, at least,  that was what he had believed for a long time.

///"Deanna."

"Will!" Her happiness beamed off her face. But her broad, charming smile and the twinkles in her eyes soon disappeared.

"Will? What's wrong?" Embarrassed and guilty he looked away. When he looked at her again he could see she was sad and scared.

"You want to stay, don't you?" He smiled, she could read him perfectly, even with thousands of light-years between them.

"I'm afraid I do." She kept looking at him with those big brown eyes of hers. The same ones that had attracted him two and a half years ago.

"So I guess the wedding is off?" A sigh followed.

"I still love you Deanna, I really do. But a marriage..."

"Would only complicate and affect your career in a negative way. I understand."

"So, you don't mind?"

"I do mind, I love you Imzadi. But if this is what you want, I won't stop you." She smiled at him, ensuring him it was all right.

"This is what I want." Enthusiastic he started telling her about his plans. His enthusiasm made her laugh, but her laughing had turned into crying.

"Deanna, don't cry. You'll meet someone, forget me." She wiped her tears away. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, he wanted to comfort her.

"How can I forget you? You'll always be a part of me, you have been since the day we met." Not knowing what to say he nodded.

"I won't forget you either." Again she smiled.

"Will I see you again?" He heard the hope in her voice.

"We'll keep in touch." She closed her eyes for a second, he knew she was disappointed

"Good luck with your career Will. Think about me every once in a while." She laid her hand on her monitor, he put his against hers.

"I will. Thank you Deanna." She threw him one last smile and terminated the CommLink.\\\ 

Will looked at Deanna, laying by his side. How could he have been so stupid back then? He ran his fingers through her hair. She was so beautiful and looked satisfied and peaceful. He decided to follow her example and to go to sleep as well.

----------------------------------------------------------------

"Enter."

"And how did it go?" He looked glum.

"Not well."

"And what do you mean by that?"

"Your little plan didn't work."

"What does it take to get those two to talk?" Disappointed she sat down.

"What happened?"

"Nothing." Surprised she looked up.

"Nothing?" He glanced at her. It was caring from her to try, but locking them up together for eight hours seemed to only haven worsen things.

"Jean-Luc?" Beverly wanted to know hat had happened.

"They didn't talk or listen to each other." That wasn't what she had expected.

"Deanna was extremely polite." She knew why: Deanna closed her mind so she wouldn't have to deal with her problems. They knew how dangerous that could be. Lwaxana's break down was still stamped in their memories.

"Computer locate..." Jean-Luc laid his hand on hers and shook his head.

"Beverly, you've tried and it didn't work. Now you have to let them solve their problems their selves." He was right, she knew. But it was not like her to watch and not doing something." 

"Their old and wise enough." He smiled at her.

"But..."

"No buts." She sighed and stood up.

"Alright I won't interfere." Jean-Luc stood up as well, to walk her out.

"No interference."

"No interference." She confirmed. Just before leaving his quarters she kissed him goodnight. He watched her until she disappeared around the corner. When he had lost sight of her he walked back in.

"Tea, Earl Grey, hot." When he sat down, he became plunged in thoughts, starting with Deanna and Will but soon they wandered off to Beverly.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Beverly couldn't go to sleep, Deanna and Will had to make it up before Deanna would leave. She decided to talk to Will in the morning; she wouldn't interfere, she'd just inform.

~D~

Still worth continuing? Please let me know!


	7. Chapter Six: Goodbyes

Disclaimer:         just encase you're not aware; it's in the first part.

Rating:               P

Chapter Six: **Goodbyes**

Will woke up, Deanna lay exactly the same as when she had fallen a sleep. Smoothly he crawled out the bed, making sure he wouldn't wake her. He dressed and prepared breakfast. Standing in the doorpost he looked at her for while, she was so beautiful. He could look at her for hours.

Doctor Crusher is heading for your quarters Commander Riker. Gently he kissed Deanna without waking her, than he quickly he walked to his quarters to intercept Beverly. He hoped he would be back before Deanna awakened.

"Beverly." Startled she turned around.

"Oh, Will. I was just looking for you. Mind if I come in?" He hadn't been in his quarters for over days Beverly would notice that immediately.

"Uhmm, well us quite a mess, maybe we could talk in Ten-Forward?" Wonderingly she looked at him.

"Of course." They walked to Ten-Forward.

"About what do you want to talk?"

"How was your Bridge Watch?" Wry he looked at her.

"Fine."

"Have you made up yet?" He didn't respond.

"Will, she's leaving in just days."

"I'm aware of that." Beverly couldn't believe it; how could he act so cold? Roughly Will stood up.

"If you'll excuse me." Angrily he left. Beverly gave up, if they acted like three year olds there was nothing she could do about it.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Will re-entered Deanna's quarters, fortunately she was still a sleep. He decided to clean up a bit and erased some of the flowers from the night before. Half an hour he spent just by watching her. Slowly she woke up. Twisting round, not willing to wake up, she tried to snuggle against him. When she realized he wasn't there she startled.

"Will? Will!" He walked towards her and sat down on the edge on the bed.

"Ssst. I'm here." She sighed of relief and fell back on her pillow. He bend over her and kissed her good morning. Deanna put her arms around his neck and passionately kissed him.

"Slept well I assume?" With a smile she said

"Like a baby."

"You look rested."

"How long have I slept?"

"Hmm, about 12 hours?" Deanna jumped up.

"12 hours!" He hold her back.

"You deserved it. I've made you some breakfast." "Oh, thank you. I guess I'd better get dressed than." Already she stood with one foot on the floor.

"Ho, ho; it's breakfast on bed." Quickly she crawled back under the sheets.

"Hmm, being spoiled, I like that." Again he kissed her, than got up to get her breakfast.

-------------------------------------------------------------

"What do you have to do today?" All the croissants were gone, the last bit of it she had just swallowed.

"I have a meeting with the Captain about the new crewmembers who'll arrive next week. And I have the Bridge Watch." Sadly she caressed his face.

"What do you have to do?"

"O, study and practise the language and doing some exercises. I've completed the personnel files yesterday, you can give them to my successor." Up set he looked at her; she sensed his anger and sadness.

"There is no successor, no one can replace you." She took his hands and fold them in hers.

"Will promise me you'll be nice to my successor. It's not his or her fault." Muttering he agreed. She knew he wouldn't accept the new counselor right away, it could take months before he would.

"When do you have to leave?"

"I have to be at the Captain's Ready Room in thirty minutes.

"When and where will I see you again?"

"As soon as possible, I'll find you." She smiled.

"Let's take a walk on the Holodeck." Quickly he finished his breakfast and joined her. They decided to walk along the beaches of K'Tar; Betazed's largest ocean. Deanna wore a long white beach dress, the material danced on the wind. They walked side by side, enjoying their surroundings and each other. When twenty minutes had past the computer gave them a sign.

"I have to go." She nodded and gave him a kiss.

"I'll see you later." He walked out, every few steps looking over his shoulder. When he left she started another program to practise the language; she had to be able to talk and write it perfectly, she even had to talk with a native accent. She also worked on her behaviour and attitude. 43 hours was all she had to perfectionize it.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Number One, about the new ship's counselor." Will stiffened.

"Starfleet Command has send a list of counselors who want to work onboard the Enterprise." Will tried not to show his anger; he didn't want a new counselor, he wanted Deanna.

"I've decided to wait a few weeks or even months before selecting someone." Surprised and relieved Will looked up. Jean-Luc raised an eyebrow.

"Unless you object Number One?"

"No Sir, not at all." Jean-Luc hadn't expected any other reaction from his First Officer.

"That would be all Number One." Will was ready to stand up, but waited for a second.

"Oh, your Bridge Watch has been shortened to 4 hours." Will wondered why but was wise enough not to ask.

"And Will, do consider Beverly's advice." Wry they looked at each other than both laughed.

"Was that all Captain?"

"That was all Commander." His Senior Staff knew him through and through. 'I've become predictable in my old age.'

Commander Riker took command and spent the next hours bringing his crew reports up to date.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Deanna looked at her hologram, wondering if she ever could get used to those looks. She mastered the language almost perfectly now and knew that her mistakes would be supported by her back ground story. She had sensed that Will didn't like the fact that she didn't gave him some information. But as much as she wanted to, she couldn't, it would only endanger him and the ship. She wished she could take something with her that reminded her of him.

Picard to Counselor Troi. Surprised she tapped her CommBadge.

"Yes Captain?"

The Captain of the Decoy just informed us they'll arrive 14 hours earlier." Deanna's gaze grew fixed.

"14 hours!"

I'm afraid so Counselor. She closed her eyes; this couldn't be true. 14 hours less?!

"Thank you Sir." Crushed she sat down. 14 hours? She pulled herself together and fought her tears. She decided to use the next hours to complete her training. Will's watch would be over in 3 hours. If she would be finished by then she would be free for her remaining time onboard.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Will was restless, he wanted to be with Deanna instead of wasting his time on the Bridge. Fortunately his watch was almost over.

"Ah, Geordi." He stood up, ready to leave.

"Hello Commander Riker. I believe it's my turn now." Will smiled grateful.

"It certainly is. Good luck Commander LaForge." In a hurry he took off.

"Hello Data."

"Geordi."

"What are our instructions?"

"Just keeping her on track."

"Just that?" Data nodded confirming.

"Well, that's a piece of cake." Data turned around and looked up to him.

"Cake?" Geordi laughed and tapped his friend on his shoulder.

"An ancient expression Data, centuries old." He walked to the Captain's Chair and sat down.

"Accessing...oh, I see. 'A piece of cake' an expression to indicate something is considered very easy, dating from the..."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Computer, locate Counselor Deanna Troi."

Counselor Troi is on Holodeck 4. On that Holodeck Deanna was aware he was coming. She had almost finished her tasks.

~Will, I'm almost done here. Go to my quarters, I'll see you there.~

"If you say so." He mumbled. Surprised looked the other in the turbolift around. No one had said something.

"Computer, deck 8."

Deanna erased the Holodeck program and ordered the computer to block all investigations aimed at retrieving the program. The admiral had given her a code that could even overwrite Captain Picard's orders. After making sure she had left no traces of her mission she hurried back to her quarters. On her way she became painfully aware that she had overdone her exercises; her shoulder and back ere sore. Finally she was in her quarters, Will took her in his arms and hugged her. She felt safe in his arms, as if nothing and no one could hurt her. She sensed his love, his concern and his fears. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't take away his fears, she couldn't even take away her own frights. Will felt she was in pain.

"What's hurting you?"

"O, that." Nervous she laughed.

"I was a bit too enthusiastic about doing my exercises."

"Well than we'd better do something about it." Mischievously he looked her in the eyes.

"Here, lay down."

"What are you up to?" 

"Trust me." She didn't trust him but knew he had no malevolent or ill will and thus she lay down on the bed.

"Turn around." Laying on her stomach now she fold her hands under her head. Will sat down beside her and started to massage her neck and shoulders. It felt terrific and it even worked, Deanna felt the pain slip away.

"You're really good at this, it feels fantastic."

"Thank you. Is the pain gone yet?" It was, but she wanted him to continue.

"No, not entirely." She still had to tell him the Decoy would arrive earlier.

"Will, there's something I have to..." He pushed her hair out of her neck and kissed her at the sensitive spot just below her ear.

"Don't talk Imzadi."

"But..." He kissed her again, she wanted to turn around but he continued the massage. Softly she moaned with pleasure. He opened her uniform and made her roll over. Deanna sat up and kissed him, heated and long. Naturally he kissed back, only shorter and wilder. Their tongues worked at an incredible speed. In the mean time he undressed her, pushed her uniform down. She stood up and stepped out her uniform. Sensually she bend towards him and wildly kissed him. Roughly he pushed her back on the back. She smiled from pleasure when he caressed her body. He undressed himself too and lay down next to her. They kissed and caressed each other until they could hardly breath. When he licked her ear she shivered and softly bit in his shoulder. The tingling feeling that she felt made her groan loudly, Will sighed deeply and rolled over.

"I love you Imzadi, more than I thought was possible." He lay on his side next to her, still caressing her. She turned her head and gently kissed him.

"I know Imzadi, I know." Deanna watched him falling a sleep: she couldn't sleep; there was too much to think about. Thinking of a way to take his fears away she realized she might be able to ease his mind through his dreams. It was totally against her principles to invade his mind but she didn't know what else to do. 

~Picard to Riker. He lifted his head up and tapped his CommBadge.

"Riker here."

Number One will you come to Transporter Room 3 immediately. He wanted to ask why but the urge in the Captain's voice made that he didn't.

"On my way Sir." On his way he increased his speed every few meters, eventually he ran through the corridors. He could not explain his sudden haste.

"What's going on Captain?" Captain Picard turned towards him, he had a big grin on his face.

"Will, we're beaming someone up whom I think you'd want to see." The Transporter fired up and the silhouette of a woman became visible. He recognized her before she had fully materialized.

"Will, don't. You have to wait until she has fully materialized." Captain Picard held him back, preventing he would run towards her. Once she was fully materialized he let him go. He ran up to Deanna and took her in his arms.

"You made it! You're back!"

"Of course I am, I promised you." Together they walked out the room.~ Deanna retreated herself  from his dream. This little escapade made great demands on her concentration and abilities; she just hoped it had helped.

Sickbay to Counselor Troi. Quickly she stepped out the bed and walked to another room because she didn't want to wake Will.

"Yes Doctor?"

Deanna, I have the results of the scans.

"I'll be right there." She glanced at him one more time before she headed off to Sickbay.

---------------------------------------------------------

"There you are, have a seat." Beverly pointed at the chair in front of her.

"Beverly, I'm afraid I don't have a lot of time."

"I see. Alright than, the scan results show that you are in perfect health." Deanna smiled and nodded.

"You just had an increased psilo-synine level. It's nothing big but I do want to run another scan." She couldn't let her do that.

"That's no use Bev, during my preparations for the mission I used my abilities a lot. If you could just send the reports to my quarters." Beverly was surprised, she sensed that.

"Of course."

"Thank you. I have to go now." In a hurry Deanna walked out.

----------------------------------------------------------

In her quarters Deanna crawled back in bed, intending to get a few hours of sleep. She was restless in her sleep; continuously twisted and turned. Suddenly she woke up with a start; her sudden movements awakened Will too.

"Deanna, what's wrong?" She turned her head and glanced at him, he could see fear and disgust in her eyes. He up righted himself and grabbed her shoulders.

"Deanna?"

"It's, it's nothing. Just a bad dream, that's all." Slowly she let herself fall back on the bed.

"About what?"

"It doesn't matter." Piercingly he looked her full in the face.  

"I want to know." She sighed and looked at him.

"About you."

"Me?"

"Yes, I dreamt I was returning from the mission. I was welcomed by you and the new ship's counselor. I ran towards you and wanted to kiss you, but you pushed me away...Next you introduced me to the new counselor, you're wife." With teary eyes she looked at him. For a while he didn't know what to say. He took her in his arms and held her tightly.

"I love you Deanna and I'll wait for you. You have to believe in that."

"I do." Quietly she sobbed. After a while she realized she had to tell him about her early departure.

"Will, about my departure..."

"I don't want to talk about that; it's more than a day away." She took his head between his hands, her sad and remorseful look scared him.

"It's 14 hours earlier."

"What!?! No, that can't be! Tell me it isn't true!"

"I'm...sorry." Defeated he rested his head on her shoulder.

"I don't want you to go Deanna." She caressed him; trying to comfort him.

"I don't want to go either, but I must." She kissed him and stood up.

"I have to go now."

"Why, where are you going?"

"I have something to take care off. I'll be back in about an hour." Deanna left, leaving Will alone with his thoughts, concerns and fears.

------------------------------------------------------------

"Hello Captain." Surprised Jean-Luc looked up.

"Counselor. I hadn't expect seeing you here."

"Sir, could I use your Ready Room to establish a ComLink with my mother?" She had to laugh when she became aware of his inner reaction.

"Of course Counselor."

"Thank you Sir." 

--------------------------------------------------------------

In his Ready Room she prepared herself for facing her mother. She did some Betazoid relaxing exercises and hid part of her thoughts and feelings before she initiated the ComLink.

"Hello mother."

Little One! Deanna closed her eyes; if only her mother would stop calling her that. Lwaxana sensed her daughter's dismay.

And, have you found a husband yet?

"Mother!" Lwaxana held up her hands in front of her and sighed deeply.

You haven't. Well, not to worry, we'll think of something. Deanna rolled her eyes.

"How's my little brother doing?"

"Oh, he's very handsome and he's growing fast. Aww, unlike he can be very naughty. I'm sure he won't become as dull as you." Indignant she looked at her mother.

"Mother, I have to talk to you..."

You know what he did last night? He...

"Mother please, listen." Sensing Deanna was dead serious she shut up.

"I'm leaving the Enterprise today."

You have shore leave, how wonderful. You will visit us, won't you.

"Will you let me finish. I have a new assignment."

But than I won't see that handsome captain of you anymore.

"Mother please." Lwaxana sensed her daughter's sadness and fears.

Little One, why are you so scared?

"I'm going on a secret mission. I can't contact you until it's over." She tried to read her thoughts, Deanna knew.

What are you not telling me? Searching she looked at her.

"The chance...that I'll survive is only..." Her mother widened her eyes, Deanna felt her anger.

You're not going. Lwaxana's reaction was resolute.

"Mother, I..."

I'll contact the one in charge personally. How dare they! Sending a member of Betazed's most prominent family on such an insane, dangerous mission! I will not let that happen.

"Mother, I want to do this, I have to." Lwaxana sat back in her chair and looked her daughter full in the face.

Deanna, you don't want to do this, I feel that. The water stood in her eyes.

"I have to do it. I must." For the first time in Deanna's life Lwaxana didn't know what to say to her.

"Can I talk to my brother?" Confused Lwaxana looked at her.

Oh yes, I'll call him. A little boy came running towards her, he was young enough to be her son. He had dark, curly hair and bright blue eyes.

"Hello there." Deanna waved at him.

Hello. Shy he waved back.

"You're becoming a handsome big boy." He laughed and walked to the screen, with his tiny hand he touched it.

You're pretty, pretty face. Both women smiled.

"Well thank you sir." Deanna laid her hand on the monitor as well. Suddenly she saw herself as a little girl. The view was a bit vague, as in a dream.

///"I have to go Little One."

"No, don't go daddy, don't go." The girl put her little hand on the screen, on the other side her father did the same.

"I love you Deanna. I'll see you soon Little Princess."

"I love you too daddy." When the monitor went black she put her face against the screen hoping she could see him on the other side. It was the last time she had talked to him, the next day her father had died.\\\

Please don't cry. The boy tried to wipe his sisters tears away on the screen. Through her tears Deanna smiled at him.

~Go and play, my Warrior.~ When Deanna looked at her mother she knew she had seen her memory.

I don't want to loose you too Little One. A mother should not outlive her children. They talked and reminisced about Deanna's youth until it was time to say goodbye.

"Take good care of my little brother."

Always Little One, always...Deanna take care of yourself.

"I will, I will." Both mother and daughter laid their hand on their screen; saying goodbye to each other and to the ones they had lost.

-------------------------------------------------------

"How did it go?" With a sigh she plumped down besides him.

"Better than I had expected actually."

"How did she take it?"

"Well, I guess. She tried to stop me but settled eventually." Will tried to fathom her thoughts.

"Did you see your brother?" His mixed emotions made her smile.

"Yes, he's growing very fast. He looks like..." She stopped and snuggled closer against him.

"He reminds you of Ian, doesn't he." For a moment she looked at him.

"Yes, he does." After a few minutes she continued.

"I used to think the memory of him would fade away, but it hasn't." They were both quiet for some time, consumed in their thoughts and sorrows.

"How long do we have left?" A question he was almost afraid to ask and one she was afraid to answer.

"I'm not sure, 14 hours or something like that."

"Do you have things to take care off?"

"No, do you?"

"Nope." Naughty she glanced at him.

"In that case, I'm yours." A smile appeared on his face.

"Let's go."

"Where to?!! Suddenly she lost his support because he stood up. As a result she fell off the couch, Will caught her just in time.

"Next time, give me a warning sign." He laughed and pulled her along.

--------------------------------------------------------

"Computer: lock doors."

"Will, what are we doing here?"

"Making you a gorgeous dress." Amazed she followed him.

"A dress? For what?"

"Stand still." She was about to take another step.

"Stand still." He ordered her again. Still confused she did what he said. Enthusiastically he started to create her dress, docile she let him. His sometimes clumsy actions made her laugh.

"Deanna stand still, will you? How can I work like this?" His words only made her laugh even harder.

"I'm sorry, but it's just..." The indignant look on his face made the tears roll over her face.

"What!?" He was insulted; she sensed that.

"Will, how can I possibly walk in this thing?" As an expert he walked around her, inspecting her dress. His hand stroke over his beard.

"Yes, I can see you're point." Deanna couldn't stop laughing. At least this showed how often he designed dresses.

"I'll fix it. Computer: scissors." Abruptly Deanna stopped laughing.

"Scissors?"

"Hold very still."

"Oh, I will." She didn't trust him with scissors, not this close to her body.

"Don't worry, I won't hurt you."

"Not intentionally." Insulted he looked at her. He place the scissors at the end of her skirt and cut his way to the top, creating a high split.

"There, now you can walk."

"Thanks. Are you almost done now?"

"Almost." He made the dress a bit tighter and longer.

"Okay, I'm done. Computer: show us a mirror. 2 meters in high, 1 meter wide, wooden frame." The mirror appeared a few meters in front of Deanna.

"Well, what do you think of it?" With open mouth she stared at her reflection. Than she turned around.

"Will, it's beautiful." He sensed her sincerity and her surprise. She laid her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Come on, let's dance."

"Dance?" The day was full of surprises.

"Yes, for old time's sake." The computer played the song they both knew so well and slowly they danced on the rhythm of the music. After a while they stopped and laid down on the field. They looked at the clouds and tried to see images in them. For hours they talked about the future and reminisced about their years onboard the Enterprises; all the things they'd been gone through. Sometimes a memory would bring them to tears, sometime a memory made them laugh out loud. When the hour of her departure approached she became restless and nervous.

"Ssst. Don't worry, you'll make it."

"I don't want to say goodbye to you. I don't want to loose you again." He stroke her over her hair.

"We'll see each other again, I know we will." Not able to restrain her emotions anymore she had a crying-fit. Gently he fidgeted her; feeling his strong arms around her solaced her and soothed her crying.

Bridge to Counselor Troi. Frightened she looked up.

"Yes Captain?" Encouraging Will squeezed her in her hand. We're almost ready to transport you. Could you come to Transport Room 1? Deanna swallowed her tears and looked at her intended, Will nodded at her.

"I'll be there in a few moments. Troi out."

---------------------------------------------------------

"She'll be there soon." He confirmed.

"Alright, I'll call the others." She replied.

---------------------------------------------------------

"It's almost time." With the palm of her hand she caressed his face.

"I know." They hugged each other for the last time and said goodbye with a long kiss.

"Remember me."

"Every day." She glanced at him, burned his face in her memory.

"Computer: exit." Her voice was shaky, Will swallowed his tears. Deanna kissed her finger and laid it on his mouth.

"I love you Imzadi." She turned around and ran to the doors; her dress waving behind her.

"I love you too Imzadi! I always will." He added whispering. She heard him but didn't look back and kept running; hoping the pain in her heart would be bearable. When she stepped out her dress changed into her uniform and the doors closed.

Will stood in the middle of the Holodeck, staring at the doors. It seemed unreal, he expected her to walk back in any moment, but he knew she wouldn't.

---------------------------------------------------------

Outside the Holodeck Deanna caught her breath and wiped her tears away. She started to walk to the Transporter Room, it was weird to think this could be the last time she'd walk through the corridors of the Enterprise. She knew every inch of the ship and could find her way to the main sections with closed eyes if necessary. Deanna knew the entire Senior Staff would be there to say her goodbye. Before she entered she took a deep breath and looked around one more time.

"Counselor." And indeed everyone was there. To her surprise they had decorated the Transporter Room, there were flowers, lights, paper chains and in front of the transport platform there hung a huge board saying 'Good luck Deanna, may you return safe and sound'

"You shouldn't have done all this." It was a wonderful gesture, it took a bit of her pain away and she was grateful for that. Her friends were nervous and sad and frankly she hadn't expected them to feel otherwise. Jean-Luc stepped forward.

"Deanna, you have helped this crew on every hour of the day, regardless whether you were off duty or ill."

"You have saved the Enterprise exactly 27 times." Data added, she smiled at him, not having a clue whether he was right or not. Beverly stepped forward as well.

"We're very grateful for that, but we never really thanked you." They felt guilty about that, she looked at each of them.

"But you have, simply by being my friends and by needing me." Tears welled up in the women's eyes.

"I've had a wonderful 14 years here; I will cherish those." She hugged everyone goodbye, Beverly as last.

"Take good care of those guys."

"I will, good luck Deanna. Stay alive will you? I'm not sure how long I can keep control of 4 men." They wiped their tears away and laughed nervously.

"What is it Bev, you're a bit angry."

"I wasn't able to get a hold on Will. The computer refused to give me his location thus I left several messages in his quarters but he hasn't shown up."

"Well than say him goodbye from me, will you?" Beverly was surprised by her mild voice. It seemed  she didn't mind.

"Of course." Deanna stepped on the platform and nodded at the Transporter Chief, he nodded back and held his hand above the console, ready to beam her off board.

"Hold it." His abrupt order gave them a fright.

"Deanna, I'm not fond of letting you go, this ship won't be the same without you. And I hope you'll decide to join us again when you have returned." She was flattered by his words.

"If you give me permission, I'd be honoured to beam you off board."

"I'm honoured Captain." The chief stepped back and Jean-Luc took his place behind the console. Unexpected the doors opened.

"Deanna wait!" Will came rushing in, with  a few steps he stood right before her nose.

"Hello Will." He took her hands and laid them on his chest.

"I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you."

"You're not the only one who is to be blamed for that."

"I got you something." He unfold his hand, she turned around and he hung the necklace on her neck. The thin chainlet was made of silver, the pendant was coral-blue, from what she good she the Milky way had been engraved in it.

~It symbolises my love for you. It's fiery, the complexity of it, the amount and how long it'll last.~ She looked at him, unable to express her gratitude and sadness, but knowing he sensed her feelings.

Decoy to Enterprise, we are ready for departure. Frightened the crew looked at each other.

"Enterprise here, we'll beam our Counselor on board in a few moments."

Acknowledged. Suddenly, to the surprise of very much everyone, Will kissed Deanna.

"I'll miss you Deanna, come back soon."

"I'll miss you too. I'll miss all of you." She said, glancing at the others.

"Counselor."

"Yes I'm ready Captain." Will stepped down, she held on to his hand for as long as she could.

"Good luck." They all said when Captain Picard fired up the transporter.

Will watched her fading away, her body became transparent and eventually she disappeared. Yet he was aware of her, her presence, not far away. It wouldn't last long, he knew. Soon she'd close her mind for him, afraid to endanger him.

----------------------------------------------------------

Deanna looked around her, the room where she was know was a lot smaller and darker than the previous. She walked to the window and looked out at the Enterprise. She had seen the pain on his face but more than that she had felt it and was still very much aware of it.

"Commander." The voice didn't frighten her; she had been aware of the presence, she had just ignored it; unwilling to let go of her memory of him.

----------------------------------------------------------

Still he was in the Transporter Room. The others had left, each to return to their duty, each with pain in their hearts. Yet all their pain put together didn't even come close to his. And still he was aware of her, of her love, her insecurity, her fears and her pain.

~Hang on Deanna, hang on.~

-----------------------------------------------------------

"Commander." Admiral Necheyev stepped out of the darkness.

"If you'll follow me." It was time for the last goodbye, she had to ban him from her thoughts, from her heart.

~Live Imzadi.~ Those two words said all that could be said. They captured everything they were and everything they feared; everything and their souls together. He felt her closing her mind, he wanted to stop her, but he didn't, knowing it would cause her nothing but pain.

Her mind was closed, they were still together, yet separated and very alone. Each carrying part of the other's soul.

~D~

Still with me?


	8. Chapter Seven: Changes

Disclaimer:         First part; you know…

Rating:               G

Chapter Seven: **Changes**

The admiral preceded her, she followed glancing at her home, at the life she left behind. In the corners of her eyes she saw them leave. They entered the Observation Lounge of the Decoy, again it was a small and dark room compared to those of the Enterprise.

"Crew, this is Commander Troi, former Ship's Counselor of the USS Enterprise." The word 'former' was as a knife through her heart. She sensed they were cautious and had taken an instant dislike towards her.

"She'll be the key-person in our mission. Commander, our doctor, first officer, chief engineering and our security chief." As welcome they just nodded, nothing more, nothing less. They would act hostile towards her, she had enough experience to predict that. The doctor was different though. He too was cautious and hostile but he was also anxious and excited. She had seen him before; though she didn't recognize his face she recognized the way he felt. He comforted and scared her; a shiver crawled over her back.

"Alright, our schedule is tight. All primary preparations must be finished when we cross federation's boarders. You each have your orders, report back here at 1800 hours."

------------------------------------------------------

The time past slow; every second seemed to be a minute, every minute seemed to be an hour. And all that time she hadn't felt at ease and therefore she couldn't concentrate. Several times she had almost, almost called out for him; knowing he would be there, listening.

-------------------------------------------------------

Will sat in his quarters, Beverly had send him there, she had probably locked his doors. An hour after Deanna had left he suddenly had the urge to find her, the need to see her. He had gone to the Holodeck, but her hologram had only made him realize he needed to feel her, to feel her soul, her heart beat. In blind despair he ran through the entire ship looking for her; not with his eyes but with his heart. When he couldn't find her he screamed out her name on the top of his voice.

"Deanna!!!" ~Imzadi~ Beverly had been able to calm him, down. And now in his silent quarters he could vaguely sense her, it gave him some comfort to know she was still out there.

-------------------------------------------------------

Light-years away Deanna heard his cry for her, ~Imzadi~, it tore her apart. He felt so desperate, so...lost.

"Why always those goddamn choices!" She fell on the floor and cried, the tears came from her very soul and she cried until there were none left.

-------------------------------------------------------

Quickly she took a shower before she went to the briefing. All the others were already there. Their hostility and irritation struck her; she was only half a minute late.

"Good, you're here. How far are you?"

"I've finished background and language studies."

"And you know them through and through?" She ignored the disdain of the crew and answered self-assured.

"Yes, I do."

"Good. Doctor, how far are you?"

"Aren't we going to test her sir?" The chief engineer interrupted, he didn't believe she was capable. She wondered how much they knew.

"No. We can't, the information she received has been selected by the High Council and is classified." They exchanged looks of distrust and disdain, Deanna felt very alone.

"Doctor?"

"I have the hypospray and will prepare the operation." There was something else, something that worried her, she could pin it down. Brusquely the admiral nodded.

"Chiefs?"

"The distress device isn't finished yet."

"Alright; you know what to do. Next meeting here at 2200 hours." Deanna left first, avoiding their glazes.

-------------------------------------------------------

This time she used her time more efficiently: part of it she used to do some research at this crew. She had noticed how efficiently they worked, not a word too much. There were a lot of secrets on board and there was friendship among the crew. Different than on the Enterprise though. On the Enterprise their friendship had grown over the years but it had always been there. Everybody actually liked each other and cared for one another. Here the friendship seemed forced and partially fake. Constantly Deanna was aware that Will as thinking about her and from that awareness she draw strength. She wouldn't be the same person she had been for over 40 years in a matter of hours. Fortunately time past fast now and the next and last briefing for Deanna Troi was there.

--------------------------------------------------------

Deanna was on time, even a bit early. By now she refused to avoid their feelings; she'd would confront one of them soon.

"Status everyone?"

"Ready to operate." The doctors enthusiasm surprised her, he was eager to start.

"How long will it take?"

"5 or 6 hours."

"Commander?"

"I'm ready." Deanna was nervous for the surgery, it would change so much.

"And the distress device?"

"Is finished."

"How long will it take to explain?"

"That depends on the Counselor herself." The hatred and sarcasm in his voice were loud and clear. It irritated her, and luckily for her, it irritated the admiral as well.

"She's a full Commander, she has been offered an admiral's and ambassador's post more than once and has served on the Enterprise for 14 years." A flush occurred on his cheek, it made her feel better.

"A minute or so." Inwards she evilly laughed.

"Alright, we will cross the boarders in approximately 11 hours. Before we do all Starfleet signs will be erased, including computerfiles and uniforms. Commander good luck with your surgery, doctor...you know what to do." Those last words scared her, more so did their feelings. Clearly there was something she wasn't supposed to ever find out.

"There will be another meeting before the transformation." Again in a hurry the admiral left. The doctor tapped Deanna on the shoulder and indicated her to follow him. While he guided her through the ship she figured he would be the best person to ask about the hostility of this crew. She had seen no sign of a ship's counselor and therefore assumed he had taken that task upon him.

"Welcome to our sickbay Counselor Troi."

"Thank you." She wasn't at all happy being there.

"And is it very different from the Enterprise's?" 

"No, it's just smaller." 'And darker' she added unspoken.

"Well we don't have 1200 crewmembers." 'And no Will Riker.' She sadly added in her thoughts.

"Doctor, can I ask you something?"

"Sure." He was putting all his equipment in place.

"Why is everybody so hostile towards me?" For a second he froze than he turned towards her.

"They're not."

"I know they are."

"Oh, that's right; you're an empath." He had been very aware she was empathic ever since she came on board. Why did he lie about it now? "Well, the main reason is probably that we're a very close crew, we've lost common friends." Deanna folded her arms and looked at the floor.

"I see, now you consider me an intruder." She raised her searching eyes, closely watching his reaction.

"Yes, on this ship, with the missions it has, friends and trust are very important."

"And you think I want to make a quick career over your backs."

"Sort of." He admitted ashamed.

"Than I have some things to clear out." Her voice was hard and cold.

"I don't have to make a career anymore. And if I could resign from this assignment I would."

"It's a bit to late for that."

"If I hadn't been the only one with a reasonable change to succeed I would have stayed on the Enterprise, I..."Almost she had given away Their secret but she shut up just in time.

"Are you implying they forced you?" A second she thought about that.

"In a way they have." After a painful silence she asked him to begin with the operation.

"Of course. If you'll lay down here I'll put you under narcoses with a hypospray." She felt a little sting in her neck and all of a sudden her eyelids were extremely heavy. He watched her slip away; he couldn't wait to begin. This woman had intrigued him ever since he first had seen her, years ago on a psychologists convention on Betazed. Since than he had monitored her actions closely. Now she was Starfleet's most renowned and respected Counselor, but more important to him, he was about to operate on her.

"Imzadi" Was the last word to cross Deanna's lips.

-------------------------------------------------------

Satisfied he watched her; his method was an success and he was proud of it. The alterations were clearly visible and would soon be completed. The most interesting would be, of course, to find out if her personality had changed.

-------------------------------------------------------

Unable to really feel her Will had gone to Deanna's quarters, hoping her signal would be stronger there. She had warned him that her signal would faint for a while and so he was prepared. But still it made him uncomfortable and more alone than he already was.

--------------------------------------------------------

The alterations had been completed, it was time to bring her out.

Deanna twisted several times and blinked with her eyes. Slowly she opened them and looked around her; confused about where she was. She had felt like this before, years ago on another undercover mission.

"How do you feel?" It took her a while before she understood his question.

"A bit dizzy and stiff."

"That'll faint." With her hand she touched her forehead and remembered what the prupose of the operation was.

"How do I look?"

"Different, I'll get you a mirror." Seconds later the doctor returned, holding a mirror in his hands. He laid it down on her stomach so she could pick it up whenever she was ready. Deanna took a deep breath, gathered her courage and slowly picked up the mirror. With fear in her heart she looked at her reflection; bright green eyes stared back. She studied her new face carefully, than deeply sighed.

"Well, if Will sees this the wedding will be off again." Before she knew it she had spit it out.

"Wedding?" Again she sighed, no longer it was a secret between her and her Imzadi.

"Yes. I was going to get married in a few weeks."

"I'm sorry for you. So I assume Will is your fiancé?" Sadly she nodded; if only he was there with her.

"And 'off again'? Deanna laughed at him.

"What's so funny?"

"Beverly is very curious too, just like you. She wants to know everything."

"Beverly? Oh, you mean the Enterprise's CMO."

"Hmm, hm." Again she nodded.

"Must be a doctor's thing."

"Can I get up?"

"Give it a try." Laborious she tried to up right herself. The huge pressure she felt on her head made her fall back.

"I guess that's a 'no'." She said semi-amused.

"I don't sense anything!" The realization struck and frightened her.

"I gave you a hypo that suppresses your abilities."

"Why?" 

"Safety measures." He was definitely holding something back. Deanna was less than comfortable.

"Do you have any idea when they will return?" 

"No." Though she couldn't sense his emotions she knew he was lying, she just didn't know about what part.

"I would have appreciated it if you would have discussed this with me." In her anger she tried to sit up. Suddenly sickbay was spinning around her. The doctor pushed her back and stroke a lock of hair out her face.

"Take another half hour rest. We'll see after that." Agreeing Deanna nodded and made herself more comfortable. Quicker than she had expected she fell a sleep. From his office he watched her closely.

"CMO to admiral."

Doctor, how did it go?

"The operation was successful sir. I don't know how long I'll be able to suppress her empathy though, she might find out what's going on."

We'll deal with that when the time is there. Good work doctor, let me know when you're ready for the next briefing.

"Aye sir." He decided to start wiping out traces of Starfleet in sickbay. When he passed her he stood still and looked at her. The longer he looked at her, the prouder he became; she was perfect. He bend over and placed a kiss on her mouth, just to know how it felt. After he was finished he woke her up.

"Counselor, wake up." He pushed her shoulder but aside of some muttering she didn't respond.

"Counselor, it's time." Refusing to wake up she turned around and buried her face in her pillow. Again he pushed her.

"Will. Let me sleep, I don't have the Bridge Watch this morning." Amused the doctor watched her attempts not to wake up. Once more he pushed her.

"Dammit Will!"

"You're not on the Enterprise, Will isn't here." Those words had the wished for effect; Deanna opened her eyes and looked at him, wondering who the hell he was.

"Come, there's a briefing in 5 minutes." Remembering what was going on she hopped of the biobed and followed him. She was very insecure about her new face and the lack of her empathy only increased that. 'Scared to death' as Will would say. A smile came through when she realized she could still sense him; it proved once more how strong their bond was.

"Doctor, was the operation successful?" A warm welcome by the first officer.

"See for yourself." Deanna walked in and locked her eyes on each of them. They stepped back, scared, she realized.

"That's quite a change." The Security Chief stambled it out.

"Commander, how do you feel?"

"Evil." In contradiction to what she had expected nobody laughed or even smiled.

"Chief, will you explain the working of the device to her."

"Aye sir." Admiral Necheyev stepping to the center point of the room.

"Alright, everybody; listen up." Piercingly she looked around, her eyes locked on to Deanna's when they met.

"We've received a message from Starfleet Command." She held her breath, she didn't need her empathy to predict this wasn't good news.

"The risk level is now High Caution Red." Deanna widened her eyes in disbelieve and than cast them down, slowly the meaning of the admiral's words dawned.

"Imzadi, no." The doctor was the only one who heard her plea; he wondered what it meant.

"You are familiar with that Commander?" Indignant and sad she looked up and fold her arms.

"I know it means that basically I'm going on a suicide mission."

"That's one way to put it." Someone from behind her laughingly remarked.

"What caused it?"

"The government has announced they will undertake military actions to rebels and enemies; the military officers have been ordered 'not to take prisoners'. Transformation will start in two hours, at that time will your captain also arrive. That's all." And again the admiral left hastily. The chief walked up to her to explain.

"This is the device." He showed her a tiny white box, no bigger than half a centermeter in length.

"That? It's so...small."

"That's the idea." Indignant and insulted she locked her eyes on his and exactly achieve what she was hoping for; his body language showed his uneasiness.

"You'll warn us by destroying it, the closest vessel will be send to pick you up."

"So I can use it only once."

"Yes and only we will receive the signal." 'So much for the safety guard.'

"I understand." She took the box out his hand and left, confused and relieved he watched her.

-------------------------------------------------------

'High Caution Red, suicide, High Caution Red, only once, suicide, Imzadi, only once.' The words kept spinning in her head at an horrifying tone.

-------------------------------------------------------

With a sigh the chief sat down with his friends.

"I hope that arrogant lady won't stick with us much longer. I don't think I've ever met anyone so self-centred and cocky as her."

"I agree." The other chief backed him up.

"Just because she has served on the Enterprise she thinks she's better than us; I can't stand her."

"What about you doc?"

"I don't agree." Surprised the others looked up.

"You don't?"

"I don't." Deanna's surgical altering was quite possible the greatest achievement in his career; he felt to protect her. He took a moment, than started to explain.

"We're a close crew, we know each other through and through, we trust our lives to one another. But we're also reluctant to welcome new members, certainly when we know it'll only be temporal. She knows that and has her own reasons not to try to make us change our mind." Still amazed that he backed her up they challenged him to explain.

"Which are?"

"A friend of mine has served on the Enterprise for several years; he often told me ho much he liked the sense of friendship around that vessel, he also told me how kind and understanding his counselor was. We must not forget that the Enterprise D and E have had the same Senior Staff, with exception of the Security Chief, since 2364. All of them have been offered several promotions and all of them turned them down; they wouldn't have done that if they hated each other." He drank his glass empty and continued his plea.

"We stick together, we feel the loss of someone deeply; but she has lost all her long-time friends in one day." Reluctantly agreeing the others nodded.

"You've got a point."

"But still it was her own choice."

"If...you were told that you are the only one with  a reasonable change to fullfill a mission and save billions of lives, what would you do?" They thought about that for a moment, than one of them spoke up.

"I'd go, what is my life compared to those of a billion others?"

"And if you don't want to?"

"I'd still go, you can't just throw away a billion lives." The, to them self-evident answer came quickly and spontaneous.

"How would you feel about it?"

"Well...I'd be sad that I had to leave my friends and probably a bit angry too."

"Would you see it as a choice?" Again question they had to think about.

"Well...that depends. If I didn't want to go I probably wouldn't see it as a choice, if I did want to I would."

"You're trying to tell us that she's been forced right?" Slowly he nodded.

"That's easy to say afterwards." Stubborn as he was the Chief Engineer refused to give in. Not in the mood to keep this discussion going the doctor decided to end it.

"She was supposed to get married in 3 or 4 weeks." Stunned they didn't know what to say. The doctor stood up to get himself another drink. When he came back he changed the subject.

"So did you receive the information about our following mission yet?" Confused they looked up.

"Hmm? O, yes. It promises to become a very interesting one."

~D~

Reviews are still welcome! ;)


	9. Chapter Eight: Allies and Enemies

Disclaimer:         Is it really that interesting? Ah well; first part…

Rating:               PG-13: a dark chapter from the past; just thoughts.

Chapter Eight: **Allies and Enemies**.

In her quarters Deanna over thought the sudden changes; she knew she had to inform Will, it wouldn't be fair to him if she didn't. But how? She didn't have her abilities back yet and even if she could reach him she was afraid she wouldn't have the strength to close her mind for him again.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Enter." Deanna walked the dark Ready Room in.

"Commander." Without having looked up the admiral knew who she was, she figured she had asked the computer.

"Admiral, I have a request."

"Which is?" Expressing no emotions at all she made her request.

"Commander you knew very well that all contact would be off-limit once you had set foot onboard this ship." She expected her to step back, frightened by her strict voice but Deanna stood firm.

"True, but than the risk-level wasn't as high as now." She kept her bright eyes on the other woman's face and intensified her gaze. Deanna was ashamed to admit it; she was trying to intimidate her superior. The blond woman didn't blink her eyes, instead she turned her head away.

"Alright." Not showing her relief Deanna thanked the admiral who left to the Bridge.

----------------------------------------------------------------

"Computer: set up ComLink with USS Enterprise NCC-1701-E, specify to Commander Ri...no, wait." Something told her he wasn't there, she thought for a moment where he could be, than continued telling the computer what to do.

"Specify to Counselor Troi's quarters."

---------------------------------------------------------------

On the Enterprise the sounds of the incoming ComLink startled Commander Riker. Without thinking he opened it; forgotten that he wasn't in his own quarters.

Hello Will.

"Deanna!" A huge smile appeared on his face and his eyes twinkled again. They sensed each other's relief and love; both drew strength from it, each for different reasons.

How's it going there?

"I miss you. We all do." Tears emerged in her eyes and though he couldn't see them he heard them in her voice.

I miss you too.

"Deanna, why the hologram?"

My face has been surgically altered, I don't want you to see it. He knew she was insecure and ashamed; therefore he didn't ask further.

"I could only very vaguely sense you the past hours."

That is because of the operation; they used an inhibitor to suppress my abilities. Sensing she was gathering courage he knew she was going to tell hem bad news.

Will, something has changed. 'Please God, let it be easier and less risky' He held his breath, afraid of what would come.

The risk level is now High Caution Red. After a few seconds the meaning dawned.

"Deanna, that's suicide!" She swallowed her tears and hoped he wouldn't hear the insecurity in her voice.

I'm aware if that.

"Imzadi, come back, I beg you. Let Starfleet find someone else for this mission." His plea touched her heart and now, more than ever, she wanted to feel the safety of his strong arms around her.

"I can't and I won't live without you."

Don't say that, you have to live your life.

"Not without you." He was serious and resolute, she couldn't allow him to.

Than life for me.

"Deanna,..." She interrupted his objection, her voice trembled.

Will, I don't have much time left, we'll be leaving Federation space soon. Never forget I love you.

"I won't, I can't. I'll carry our love with me in my heart for the rest of my life."

As will I. With a shaky voice she made her last request. Please Will, patch me through to the Bridge. Reluctantly he nodded, gave her a last hand-blown kiss goodbye and patched her through. Deanna pulled herself together: facing Captain Picard wouldn't be much easier than facing Will.

Hello Captain...Doctor. Beverly and Jean-Luc looked up at her image, their happiness to see her beamed of their faces.

"Counselor, it's good to hear your voice again."

Thank you Sir.

"Deanna! How are you feeling?" 'Typical Doctor Beverly Crusher-Howard'

Weird; they altered my appearance quite drastically and as a result of the operation I can't use my abilities for a while.

"So you won't be able to tell whether we re lying or not?" Mischievously the two women looked at each other.

Theoretically I won't, but I know you too well to buy it. Both giggled, but when Captain Picard sat back in his chair they stopped.

I...I wanted to inform you of a change in the missions specifications.

"Oh?"

The risk-level has been up-graded to High Caution Red. With her eyes aimed at the floor she awaited their reactions.

"That's suicide!" Beverly shouted out. Jean-Luc's reaction was more subdued.

"That's very bad news Deanna. Are you still sure you want to go through with this?"

There are too many lives at stake. She knew that was the only reason he needed, hell it was the only reason she needed.

"I admire you courage and willingness to sacrifice yourself Counselor, though I'd rather have you here." His words left her flattered and speechless.

Admiral Necheyev is on the Bridge, I'll patch you through. Jean-Luc smiled, even without her empathy Deanna could predict him easily.

Take good care of each other, I'd rather not return to a psychically troubled crew. She tried to make it sound light-hearted but the trembling of her voice was loud and clear.

"You just make sure you_will_return." Beverly pressed the words on Deanna's heart; her voice trembled as well.

"And that's an order." Added the Captain.

I'll patch you through. Barely able to hold back her tears she quickly patched the ComLink through.

------------------------------------------------------------

Captain Picard, how good to see you again. She was lying and everybody knew that, empath or not.

"Admiral, it's a shame it has to be under these circumstances." His image on the screen was huge, she didn't like looking up to him in this, or in any other way.

You're concerned about your Ship's Counselor, aren't you Jean-Luc? She tried to belittle him but his answer was as coolly as always.

"Yes I am, and so is the rest of our crew. Deanna Troi is an excellent Counselor and a dear friend to all of us. I am not at all pleased with her replacement under your command, certainly not on such a dangerous mission." It was a personal attack and intended as one; totally against his own rules.

She informed you.

"I'd like to know more about her mission." It hardly sounded like a request, more like an order or even a thread.

If the time's there you will be informed. Her answer alarmed him; he didn't trust her, nor had he ever done

"And when would that be?"

If the mission has been completed...Or aborted, in which case she has deceased. She clearly tried to piss him off and succeeded.

"Admiral, I consider your duty to do whatever it takes to keep her alive." Intentionally he made it sound like an order and if Beverly hadn't, barely noticeable, touched his hand he would've made it an order.

Captain, I have to terminate this ComLink; we're about to cross Federation's boarder. And without giving him the chance to respond she disconnected.

"High Caution Red!" In a rage Beverly jumped up.

"So she has like what?! 5% chance of surviving?!" Sadly he shook his head.

"Less." Beverly sank back in her chair and covered her face in her hands; strands of red hair fell over them.

"A High Caution Red code is only given to missions of which the executing team has less than 2.5% chance of surviving." A low voice from behind explained. Jean-Luc and Beverly turned around and looked at the owner. Slowly he walked down to the viewscreen. He let his hands glide over the screen where less than 5 minutes ago her image had been visible. "They altered her face, she's too ashamed to show us but it's pretty, I know, Deanna has always been beautiful." His friends kept their eyes pointed at him. Beverly walked up to him and laid her thin hand on his broad shoulder.

"Have faith in her Will; if anyone is capable of surviving a mission like this it'll be Deanna."

He turned around and looked at her with hopeful bright blue eyes. She took his head between her pale thin hands and locked her eyes on his.

"Deanna loves you and I know that she'll do everything to return to us, to you." Slightly he nodded, taking comfort in her words.

"You're exhausted Commander Riker, you'd better get some rest, CMO's orders." Will shrugged his shoulders and left for the Turbolift. Beverly wanted to follow him but Jean-Luc stopped her.

"He has to deal with this alone at first. When he needs help he'll let us know." The Doctor eased and sat down again. 'What is it with this crew? They all know each other so well, yet it is as if they each know a different part of the others. Deanna was the only one who could see completely through each of them and Will was the only one who knew Deana through and through. But even they didn't know everything.'

-------------------------------------------------------------

In front of Deanna quarters Will held still for a moment, entered the access code he knew by heart and walked in. Without undressing he let himself fall on her bed. The faint smell of her scent eased his mind and slowly he fell into a dark and dreamless sleep.

-------------------------------------------------------------

The humming sound of the opening of her doors drew Deanna back to the present. Politely she stood up so her superior could take her rightful place behind the desk.

"Your Captain is very concerned about you."

"Yes, he is." She replied, not sure where this conversation was going.

"Yet he wasn't the one you focused on." The last thing she wanted to talk about with this woman was her private life and thus she jumped immediately in defence.

"Is this relevant for the mission?" 

"That depends on how well you can put your feelings aside." Icy-cold she held her gaze locked and again she made the blond female feel uncomfortable.

"You'd better start erasing all Starfleet signs and get some rest." Troi frightened her, but she refused to acknowledge that.

"Of course...sir." She turned around and rapidly walked away. When Troi had left the room the admiral sighed of relief.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Deanna had only 2 things left to clear of every Starfleet related sign; her mind and the photo frame she was holding in her hands. The frame contained 4 pictures. One of her parents, Kestra and herself, taken over 30 years ago. On the second picture she stood next to her mother, it had been taken just after their return from the Briar Patch. After their usual quarrelling about her getting married Lwaxana had insisted on making the photo, hoping it would be the last one of an unmarried Deanna Troi. The third picture had been taken by Data, several years ago on the Enterprise D, during Worf's promotion celebration. In a flashback she saw Data pushing Beverly over the rail. Back than no one thought it was funny but later they'd occasionally teased her with 'her little swim'. It had taken her quite some time to explain Data why it wasn't the funny the day it happened while it was funny days later. Carefully Deanna pushed the button to chance the image and the fourth picture appeared. It had been taken a long time ago, a lifetime actually. Her hand glided over the photo and the sight of the young couple drew her back to the past.

///Deanna flew in his arms, her eyes filled with tears. Will lifted her up, holding her tightly in his strong arms. When he put her back on her feet, the tears were rolling down her face.

"He, you're supposed to laugh you know. I'm not that bad, am I?" Through her tears she smiled.

"No Will Riker, you're most certainly not." She kissed him passionately and gratefully, naturally he kissed her back devouringly and hungrily. Her hands ran up from his broad chest to his temples, Will pulled her as closely as possible. She send him her feelings and emotions but he only received a small part of them. Gently Deanna pushed him away, desperately needing some air. His blue gaze held her dark and sensitive eyes.

"That...Deanna Troi...was the..."

"Longest and most sensual kiss you've ever had."

"No..." Denying he shook his head.

"That doesn't even come close to describe it."

"Hmm, than how would you describe this?" She placed her hands back on his temples and closed her eyes. In slow motion she opened them and intensely locked her large, dark eyes on his.

~Open your mind Will~

"Deanna I can't, you know that."

"Try one more time." Her words were merely a whisper yet her voice forced him. Obeying her he tried, he tried harder than before. Her heart missed a beat; he did it! He had finally opened his mind for her and she entered it without hesitation. A loud, deep gasp escaped his throat, what he felt left him breathless. Step by step he became more aware of her feelings; of her love and desire...for him. And suddenly she was there; everywhere; around him as well as inside his heart, mind and most thrilling of all in his very soul. This was without a doubt the most sensual and arousing experience he had ever had.

~Imzadi.~ Her voice filled his head.

~Imzadi.~ He send back, Her hands ran over his head, ending up in his neck, pulling him towards her. Their lips met and Deanna's tongue slipped in; he felt it more thoroughly then ever before. The hours she had spend teaching him how to open his mind sure as hell paid off right now. Deanna freed herself of all inhabitations and wildly kissed him; physically as well as mentally. Their mouths didn't part for a second when they sat down in the silky sand. He opened his eyes and what he saw stole his breath away. The moon shone behind her, creating a mysterious blue glow around her. Her ebony hair accentuated her elegant and tender features, her eyes were 2 universes at themselves; as dark as the night surrounding them with sparks as bright as the stars.

"Don't move a muscle." His whispered words gently brushed her ear.

"Will?" He stood up and stepped back, increasing the distance between them.

"Will! Don't you dare to walk away right now!"

~Look at me Imzadi; maybe I won't be able to resist those eyes of you~ And she did, knowing he would come. A sudden flash of light blinded her, startled she held her hands in front of her eyes.

"By Rixx! What the hell was that?!"

"Something to remember how beautiful you look tonight." Playfully she punched him in his side.

"Damn you William Riker, you took a picture!" As an apologize he wrapped his arms around her waist and his mouth played with her ear-lobe. Moaning sounds of pleasure came from deep within her.

"Did that make up?" Deanna twisted her head and captured his gaze.

"Not hardly." Before she could do what she intended to another flash of light blinded her. "O curse you William T. Riker!"

"Give it a try." Without a warning she pushed him on his back and sat down on his stomach. She pressed her mouth hard on his and kissed him hungrily.

"Hungry aren't we?"

"I'm starving." She muttered between their kisses.

"And no chocolate?" The teasing tone of his voice didn't escape her. She opened his jacket and scratched with her nails over his naked chest.

"There are..." She crawled downwards, her mouth leaving a wet track on his skin.

"Things..." She had reached his stomach, a soft moan escaped his throat.

"Even chocolate..." Now arrived at his waist belt she began to loosen it.

"Can't beat." ~Imzadi.~

~IMZADI~\\\

Oh, she remembered that night so clearly; they had been making love all night long in the most wonderful and complete way, both mentally and physically. But when she woke up in the light of the day she had been alone and alone she had been for 2 long years and in a way she had been in the 14 years that followed. That was until several days ago and now she was alone yet again. And for the second time one specific thought slipped through her mind 'Why isn't this damn life fair!' That morning she had found a letter and a picture.; the letter she had burned, furious and disappointed as she was. The picture on the other hand she had carried with her for the rest of her life.

30 minutes for leaving Federation space. Had she really been lunged in thoughts for that long?

"Goodbye Imzadi." On the monitor Deanna selected 'send' And so the pictures, with the letters attached to them, were send to the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-E through space...and time because they would be received upon the moment her death would be officially acknowledged. Without any kind of warning everything went black. Not sure what was happening she decided to wait a few minutes before undertaking any kind of action. After 2-3 minutes the systems started up again. The menu's displayed by the monitors weren't the ones she was so used to but at further inspection she realized that they were Starfleet's; they were just out-dated. She opened the doors and looked into the dark corridor, some panels did work, some did not.

"Computer: display visual image of the S.S.S. Decoy."

Unable to comply.

"Explain."

The system is not advanced enough. Very out-dated it was. Manually now she ordered the computer to display the Decoy on screen. Deanna couldn't believe her eyes. When she had seen the ship for the first time she had been struck with its elegant appearance; it was brand new and obviously very fast. The image displayed on her screen on the other hand showed an old, very old ship. Spots of rust were clearly visible and the were holes of taken blasts as well. Looking at the ship she realized that the captain would be onboard by now; she still had to meet him and now was just as good as any other given time thus she left and headed for the Bridge.

Deanna alked down, approaching the captain's chair from behind. The captain swung around and both startled at their looks; the man's hand reached for his CommBadge and tapped it.

"Security: intruder alert at the Bridge."

"A intruder? Where?" Searching Deanna looked around' she didn't see and intruder. When she turned back to the captain she found him pointing a phaser at her. The fear in his eyes struck her; she was the one that scared him.

"Don't move a muscle. Or I will use this."

"Commander Rya to Security: false alarm guys, there is no intruder."

Are you sure sir?

"Yes, our captain hasn't met our crew member yet." The emphasis lay intentionally on 'new' and through the comm she heard someone trying not to laugh, with little success.

Understood sir. She is very convincing. The first officer winked at her when he took the phaser out his captain's hands.

"Captain, may I introduce you to Commander Deanna Troi." Deanna lifted up her hand to shake that of her superior, but he as too confused and surprised to respond.

"Commander, this is captain..."

"Jellico." She finished his sentence and slightly turned her head while keeping her eyes locked on Jellico's.

"Dee...Deanna." Rya switched his eyes from his stammering captain to Deanna and back.

"You know each other?" Slowly they both turned their heads at him. Deanna was the first to speak.

"We've...served together for a while." She let her gaze glide over Jellico's face, her bright, now intense green eyes flashed with disgust. She didn't like the man, nor had she ever liked him; in fact she was pretty close to hating him.

"A long time ago. If you'll excuse me." Throwing a last glance at both men she left. With an empty look in his eyes and his face turned pale captain Jellico sat down. 'she remembers' was all he could think.

"Captain, are you alright?"

"Hmm?...O, yes. I'm just...a bit...stunned by her appearance." 'Not to mention my feelings' The first officer nodded understandingly and took his seat, right to the captain's.

"It's quite a change indeed. She was...sorry....is a very beautiful woman."

"You have no idea." Muttered the captain, more to himself than to Rya.

"Sir?"

"Hmm?...Oh, nothing, you're right. I'll...uhm...I'll go through our orders one last time. Have the computer warn the crew when we're about to cross the boarder." 'She remembers'

"Aye sir." Amused he watched his captain leave and changed form the right chair to the one in the middle. Inwards he laughed; it was the first time he had seen any woman, any person, having such an impact on Jellico. He couldn't blame him though,  he had been baffled too when he first met her; she seemed to have that effect on a lot of people. Ever since it had been announced that she would come onboard the entire crew, with no exception of  himself, had been excited and eagerly awaited her arrival. Deanna Troi was famous throughout the Federation and beyond. She was the youngest fully trained psychologist ever to be assigned to a starship and not just any starship but to the first Galaxy-class Flag Ship of Starfleet and the 4th ship to carry the legendary name 'Enterprise'. Even to Betazoid standards she was one of the strongest empaths of the last centuries despite her partial human heritage. Troi was considered the most skilled and successful therapist in the Federation and by now she had been offered more promotions than anyone he knew. Starfleet's top had desperately tried to get her to their HeadQuarters but for some reason she refused to leave the Enterprise.  A thing that, of course, also attributed to her famousness was her beauty and he had to admit, a beauty she certainly was. Even now. Her delicate and somewhat aristocratic features were still visible. Talking about aristocratic...he had never met her mother, Lwaxana Troi, either but he sure remembered that his commanding officers were always scared to death that they'd come face to face with that particular Betazoid on any occasion. Deanna was a kind person and generally adored among the crew even though most of them hadn't met her except from a short hello in a corridor or Turbolift. He wondered how her mother could be feared. He was a bit ashamed that he had been thinking about her so often, after all she was about to get married and he acted like a foolish teenager.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Will fought not to wake up. Half-unconscious he turned on his side, wanting to slip his arms around Deanna's waist. With his eyes still closed his hands sought out to her.

"Deanna?...Deanna?" Not a single sound. Realizing she wasn't there he abruptly up-righted himself. He cleaned his mind and probed for her, he found her in the center of his mind; her presence was not as strong as before but the knowledge she was safe calmed him. His breathing slowed down and he let himself fall back on the bed.

"Computer: time."

Time is 0730 hours. Two and a half hours before his Bridge Watch; he might as well try to get a bit more sleep.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Deanna couldn't believe it; of all the captains there were why him? She didn't like the man; that on itself was rare enough. There weren't many people she didn't like, they could be counted on one hand. When they had met him on the Enterprise no one had liked him. They had been aware that part of that was because he had taken Captain Picard's place. So, as a Counselor should, she had assumed his careless and insensitive attitude was to hide his insecurity; it had been one of the few times she was wrong. He did indeed not care about the Enterprise crew and he wouldn't until they had proven their total loyalty and obedience. He literally lived for power and liked to give orders. He had ordered her to wear a standard uniform. She didn't mind wearing one, but she did mind the way he had ordered. What had irritated her the most was his need for 'a certain formality' yet he did call her Deanna instead of Commander or Counselor Troi. But the main reason she didn't like him was his self-confidence and arrogance over seducing her. All she had sensed from him during his attempts had been lust, mere physical lust and the need to possess. She had made clear to him several times to back off but he hadn't given up that easily. For days she had been able to avoid him until one day she had made the mistake to let him in her quarters. A threatening sphere surrounded him when he locked her doors so that 'they wouldn't be disturbed during the evaluations'. She had tried to keep him away by talking to him, but he had kept approaching her and eventually sat down at her side. Deanna had tried to read him in order to determine if he was indeed dangerous. Luckily for her Will had come looking for her. When she didn't respond to her door chimes he had become concerned and a shiver had crawled along his spine. 

~Will~ Her message had startled him but raised his concern, at least that was what he had told her later.

He had entered her access code and had walked in to make sure she was alright. Deanna stood about a meter away from Jellico and had her arms folded across her stomach. That posture alone had been enough to make him realize something was definitely wrong. More than pleased that he knew her so well she had happily and relieved accepted his invitation to join him for dinner. Jellico had apologized when he left and after making sure he had never tried anything alike she decided not to report and was able to forget about it.

Deanna hoped she wouldn't have to spend to much time with him now.

"Computer: time before we cross the boarder."

20 min. Homesick as she was Deanna decided to go to 'Ten-Forward'

------------------------------------------------------------

"What is this place?" Startled she looked up at her questioner.

"Oh," a sigh of relief escaped her. "Hello commander, have a seat." Deanna winked at a waitress and a blond female walked up to them.

"Counselor, a hot chocolate I presume?" Her mouth curled and she nodded at the waitress who smiled back.

"You know me too well."

"How about your friend?" Intrigued Rya had watched the interaction between the two women and it took him a second before he realized she was talking to him.

"Hmm? Me? O....uhm, a...a black coffee please." The waitress smirked and walked back to the bar to get them  their drinks.

"They know you pretty well here." Her green eyes closed for a moment.

"Yes, ill re-created it pretty accurate."

"Oh?" His curiosity triggered a smile which only confused him.

"Sorry." Gently she squeezed his hand, his heart made a little jump and he was grateful that she didn't have her empathy back yet.

"Don't be, it's alright." Her eyes lit up and sparkled; they seemed to be two smaragheds.

"This..." With a stretched arm she waved around her "...is Ten-Forward. I hang..." Immediately she corrected herself "...used to hang out here a lot; it's the bar of the Enterprise."

"The bar? It's so...large."

"Well, with a thousand officers who want to drink away their sorrows instead of talking to the ship's counselor." She said grinningly.

"So this 'Will'  gave this to you as some sort of good bye gift?"

"Yes." The waitress had returned and gave them their drinks. The damp of her hot-chocolate blew in her face. With a deep breath she sucked its smell in.

"Ah, another chocolate-addict." Amused his eyes followed her.

"Watch your words commander. Chocolate is a..."

"Very serious thing." An all too familiar voice finished her. "Mind if I join you?" With enlarged eyes she slowly turned around, scared for whom or what she might find behind her.

"Will! What are you...?! How did you...?!"

"Ssh." He advanced towards her and tangled his fingers between hers.

"You're not supposed to be here, it'll endanger you." He pulled her against him; embracing her small elegant body with his strong arms.

"I'm not here." For an instant she looked up.

"A hologram." Sadly she rested her head on his torso, desperately trying to hold back her tears. His large hand stroke through her hair, he took a step back and caressed her jaw-line.

"I know, Imzadi, that it won't be long before you'll entirely close you mind to me." Deanna opened her mouth to explain.

"I wish you wouldn't, but I do understand. I'd probably do exactly the same if our positions were reversed." His words made her feel better and a lot less guilty.

"You can do this Deanna, I'm sure of that. You're a very intelligent and strong woman. I'll wait for you Imzadi, no matter how long it'll take." She buried her head in his chest and cried without making a sound.

"Thank you." She looked up hen she whispered those words. As a response he captured her mouth with his, drawing her deeper and deeper into their passionate and loving kiss. She didn't care it was a hologram, at this time he was just as real as everybody else.

5 minutes before leaving Federation space

"Always remember."

"Always remember." They enlarged the distance between them and Deanna spoke her final words to him.

"Computer: close and erase program." Her eyes didn't release his gaze when he vanished into nothing.

After giving her some time for herself Rya approached her.

"Counselor Troi, are you alright?" She turned around to face him and genuinely smiled.

"Yes, I'm fine. Thanks for asking." Uncomfortable with the silence surrounding them Rya left her alone. 

----------------------------------------------------------------

Deanna started another program, one her mother had given her the day she left home to attend the Academy. It was more than a simple holo-program, Deanna couldn't explain. She had to promise her mother she'd take it with her where-ever she'd go 'just in case'. The program contained an exact replica of the mediation room of the Fifth House Manson on Betazed, but somehow the creators of the program had been able to also replicate a part of the sphere in a way. The room itself was immense, 16 x 16 meters and 5 meters high. On the ceiling Betazoid's star sky had been portrayed. The stars were made of 'star-jewels' native to Betazed, the light would be 'captured' within the jewels which created a sparkling show from within the stones. The background was darker than dark and it really seemed as if you were looking into infinity. The walls themselves were soft yellow combined with different colours of purple, varying from very light to deep dark. As a river a string of different kinds of blue streamed from one wall to the other. Artefacts, meditation amulets and focus points were placed on statues or practically invisible shelves throughout the room. Deanna kneeled down on a white furry carpet in the center of the room, her eyes aimed at the stars above. In ancient Betazoid, a language now only mastered by the top of Betazed's hierarchy, she asked her family and Betazed's spirits to help her in her upcoming task. In front of her, on an abundantly decorated sliver statue, stood an almost black rock shaped in the form of a teardrop. The rock was commonly known as 'The Sacred Chalice of Rixx'. Deanna focussed on the Chalice now and started to concentrate. In the stone a blue glowing spot covered almost it's entire surface. She cleared her mind like she had done so many times before. Without blinking she kept her eyes on the rock. Slowly and with great effort she started to build the walls around her psyche, concentrating on the blue glowing spot that grew smaller and smaller as her walls became higher and thicker.

~D~

Reviews are still_very_welcome! :D


	10. Chapter Nine: Final Encounters

Disclaimer: First part…need I to say more?

Rating:      PG: some verbal fighting; like before

Chapter Nine: **Final Encounters**

Beverly Crusher decided to pay Will a visit to make sure he was alright. She heard the door chimes 6-7 times and grew more and more impatient because he didn't respond.

"Will? Wi-ill!?! Open up!" The lack of response concerned her deeply.

"Computer: locate Commander Riker." Te familiar sounds indicated the computer was busy executing her orders and second later she got her answer.

Commander Riker is in Counselor Troi's quarters. A mellowed smile crossed her face; she should've guessed that herself.

*Door bleeps* "Come in"

"Hello Will." He quickly walked over, as if he was trying to hide something.

"I, I was, uhm...I was gathering Deanna's belongings...so that..." Beverly indicated him to be silent and approached him.

"Will, it's alright to miss her, we all do." Slowly he shook his head.

"She...she left just over a day ago. We've been separated for longer than this." She aimed her blue eyes at his and narrowed them.

"But never knowing there would be only a slight chance that she would return." His eyes flashed with anger, he shook his head again, barely noticeable this time.

"Than what's different this time?" No response, not a move or a sound.

"You feel guilty about fighting with her, don't you?" 'NO! Dammit! I feel guilty about letting her go!' His heart cried out at her, but still not a single indication of life on the outside. 'Dammit! I want to hold her! Kiss her with every part of my soul!'

"Will, she'll forgive you. She already has, I'm sure." She gently squeezed his hand.

"She broke the link." His statement was unexpected and seemed cold, as if he didn't really care, nothing was less true.

"I thought it already had been broken." With a loud sigh he plumped down on Deanna's couch.

"That's what I thought as well." The tall red-haired woman sat down at his side, he could see the confusion and compassion in her eyes.

"You've lost me now." Her attempt to lighten the sphere didn't really work.

"And I've lost myself." Was his heavy-hearted reply. The sincerity and defeat in his voice struck her, she had never seen him this serious or sad before.

"Can you explain that to me?" For the first time since Deanna's departure she saw him smile.

"What?"

"You're saying exactly the same things she would've said." Beverly smiled back, it was true.

"Well, we've spent some time together." After sharing a brief laugh their faces turned serious again, knowing they'd had to talk.

"Will, why did you loose yourself? Because she broke the link?" He nodded reluctantly.

"But didn't you tell me the link was already broken?" Again he nodded.

"Then how...?" Riker looked up at her and for the first time in all the years she had known him there were tears in his eyes.

"She has been with me...for 17 years and I didn't realize! Ever!" He buried his head in his hands and continued.

"After our time on Betazed I NEVER realized that I was the one who broke the link. Hell! I've been a first class fool!" Beverly opened her mouth but before she had the chance to make even the slightest noise he silenced her.

"Oh, I've re-established the link several times, fully aware of what I was doing and why. But each god forsaken time I was the one who broke it the morning after!" Beverly laid her hands on his shoulders and forced him to look at her, she saw the pain in his eyes and had trouble controlling her emotions. It was so weird; Deanna had been away before, for a week, a month, two months. She had been, like all of them, in dangerous life-threatening situations and had always, like each of them, managed to survive. But this mission was different, with the stakes so high and the chance of survival so small. And now, one of her best friends was about to give up hope; she couldn't let that happen She had made a promise to Deanna and intended to keep it as long as she could.

"She never stopped loving you." The pain in his crystal blue eyes was immense.

"I know that now." A forced smile washed over his tired face.

"I guess that 'you don't know what you have until you've lost it' is true after all." The sarcasm in his voice was unmistakable but it were his words that infuriated her.

"Dammit Will Riker! You make it sound as if she's already dead and buried!" Beverly took a deep breath and continued her flood of words.

"Is that what you want? Her out of your way so that YOU can do whatever you wish without being responsible for hurting her?! Without running the risk to be responsible for losing her support!?" The red-haired Doctor was definitely throwing her temper now and she didn't mind in the latest bit. Will, infuriated by her acquisitions, jumped up and turned his back to her.

"You're selfish Commander Riker, face it! Never once did you think about her feelings!" Their eyes flashed with blue fury when they met.

"That's not true! I always_ALWAYS_thought about her!"

"Oh, I bet you did. But you never simply SOLELY thought about her. You thought about how HER reaction would influence YOU when you SHOULD be thinking about how YOUR decision would influence HER!" Powered by her words his fist hit a table. His knuckles started bleeding but neither of them noticed or cared.

"DAMMIT Beverly! I CARE for her! I LOVE her! And I did NOT use her for my own good!"

"Tell me something Will." The woman calmly replied, "Where would you have been without her? And where will you be?" With open mouth he gazed at her, he wanted to say something but he couldn't find the words. The red-haired, and now red-faced woman exhaled slowly and pressed her fingertips against her mouth.

"Oh my God...Will...I'm sorry." She couldn't believe she had said all those mean things. A feeling of guilt washed over her.

"I had no right to say that." He stood with his back to her, slowly and deeply breathing, his hands strongly folded into fists.

"That's right Beverly, you hadn't." He turned around. She had expected pure anger in his piercing eyes, but instead she saw tiredness, guilt and defeat. 'What have I done?!'

"But I'm glad you did. It's the plain truth. I've known her for so long, I don't even remember what life was without her. I guessed I got so used to having her around I stopped noticing her presence inside me." Tears dropped on his uniform now and the CMO had more and more difficulties in restraining her own.

"I wasn't...entirely right Will. I know you did think of her." He firmly shook his head, his brow hair jumping from side to side.

"You were right about that part as well. My thoughts always were 'Will she still be there for ME, to pick up the pieces of the mess I'VE made?'." Beverly felt guilty for what she had done, for causing him so much pain. But on the other hand...it was about time someone told him the truth.

"If she...no...WHEN she comes back it'll be different." Unwilling to let silence take over to allow him time to shut down again she brought back the original issue.

"Did...did the termination of the link have anything to do with your fight recently?"

"No... we made up before she left remember. She terminated the link because she's afraid to endanger us, me."

"I'm not sure I understand." 'Damn half-Betazoid psyche' "What do you think she has done to protect us? How did she break the link?" Will closed his eyes, how could he explain this in words?

"Will?" She_was_a physician, maybe she would understand.

"She has...locked us away Bev., build some kind of mental barriers around her memories of us." The Doctor replayed his words in her mind. It made sense to her but she wasn't sure what Deanna's purpose would be.

"To keep them intact?" The movement of his head indicated she guessed wrong.

"Than what_does_she hope to accomplish?"

"It'll prevent others from finding them no matter what they try." The woman's blue grew large, from what she understood Deanna would 'forget' about her past.

"Do you really think she's capable of that?" Her question hadn't been much louder than a whisper but he had heard it nonetheless.

"She's capable of far more then we think she is..." His eyes flashed again with anger, anger combined with disbelieve this time when he realized which consequences those defensive walls could have.

"Dammit Deanna, dammit!!! You can't let that happen! Not now! Not after..." Whatever he was talking about it infuriated him more than anyone or anything ever before. Beverly rose from the couch and firmly grabbed tense shoulders. "Will, take easy being angry now won't help either of you. Calm down." She kept whispering. Her words and sentences did not always make sense but her soft and low voice calmed him and she felt him relax. His bright blue eyes were filled with tears and he tried very hard to fight them back. When she pulled him into her embrace he couldn't control his tears anymore.

"I...miss her...she means...more to me than...life itself." The words, interrupted by hard sobs, came from his heart. Slowly Beverly rocked from left to right.

"Shh, she knows Will, she knows."

"She...took...half my soul...with her, I...I feel so lonely...and...empty inside." This sudden confession surprised her; if there was anyone who kept his or her feelings hidden besides Deanna, it was Will 'what a couple'

"Shh, she'll come back, I know she will." 'Who am I trying to convince here?' The First Officer of the USS Enterprise-E buried his face deeper in the CMO's red-orange hair, he sobbed loudly but couldn't bring himself to cry...not yet.

----------------------------------------------------------

The walls were in place now with exception of one small hole. Deanna lay on the furry carpet, exhausted and barely conscious. Constructing those walls had drained most of her energy and because her abilities hadn't fully returned it had taken even more effort. Her breathing gradually slowed down and she opened her eyes. Deanna scrambled up, standing weakly on her feet.

"Well, next time...I'll think twice before doing this again." She looked around the chamber one more time. She had spend a lot of time there as a little girl, the room didn't seem as impressive as it had all those years ago but the spiritual sphere hadn't changed even though it was merely a copy of the original. 

"Mother will kill me for this if she ever finds out." She muttered nervously. "But I don't really have a choice do I?" A rhetorical question of course, beside there wasn't anyone who could possibly answer.

"Computer: end, delete and completely erase program."

Personal code required.

"Protective as always aren't you mother?"

Invalid code Deanna rolled her eyes and was about to say something in return but figured it wouldn't do any good anyway. 'Now, let's see, the personal code...'

"Daughter of the Fifth House of Betazed, holder of the sacred Chalice of Rixx, heir to the holy rings of Betazed."

Invalid code, please enter the correct code or your orders cannot be executed. This was just great, what else was important to her mother?

"Ian Andrew Troi."

Invalid, please enter...

"Kestra Troi." She usually had fun guessing but this became annoying and a waste of precious time.

Invalid.

"Dammit Mother." 'Well, maybe my own name then, who knows...'

"Deanna Troi."

Invalid...

"Code, yes I know!" She deeply sighed and closed her eyes. The idea of just leaving the program as it was seemed more and more attractive each second.

"Of course! Computer: enter personal code 'Little One'." The Betazoid held her breath, waiting for the computer to respond.

Code acknowledged, ending, deleting and erasing program.

"Thank the Gods!" Deanna returned to her quarters, frequently seeking support from the walls in order not to fall. The minute she entered she knew something was wrong.

"Computer: li..." A hand from the dark seized her mouth; preventing her from making any sound. Deanna, still not fully recovered, tried to break free; twisting and turning in the strong hands that were holding her. To weak to hit or kick hard enough she used her nails and scratched her attacker's face. Blood drops fell down but the other didn't seem to mind in the latest bit.

"Quite a fighter, aren't we?" The voice! It was familiar yet...not.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Beverly's crying changed into laughing, inwards and silently at first but every minute it came closer to the surface and grew louder until she couldn't keep herself in check anymore and laughed out loud. Will was soon infected and joined her.

"Beverly...an itsy-bitsy-tiny question..." He couldn't finish his question due to the lack of air and the hick-ups that teased him.

"Yes Will?" For a second Beverly was dead serious, for a second that was.

"Just why the hell are we laughing?" For a second they froze, but then laughed even louder as before.

"Because...we're so damn pathetic." His smile froze on his face and confused he looked at her.

"Oh, Will. We always refused tot talk to the Ship's Counselor, Deanna had to drag us in and...well... just look at us now." The Doctor saw him considering her words and continued.

"I promised Deanna I'd keep an eye on you so that she wouldn't return to a psychologically troubled crew. And since I walked in here, a few moments ago we've had every possible emotion." She shook her head, causing her red hair to dartle around her face and laughed at the same time. Staring at the doors Will was seriously considering her words.

"Well..." He faced her now, his lips curled into a big grin, his eyes revealing his pain. "...Deanna would have encouraged us 'to get in touch' with our emotions." 'He used her name!' Beverly smiled supporting back.

"Yes, she would."

------------------------------------------------------------------

The attacker lost the grip on her face, Deanna used the opportunity immediately and bit the hand that had been holding her as hard as she could.

"Bitch! You'll pay for that, rest assured!" A shiver ran along her spine, she was terrified but too proud to show it. A sharp pain travelled from her left jawbone to just below her eye. Before she could do anything in return her attacker kicked her in the back of her knee. Deanna clenched her teeth together, refusing to scream when she fell down. The attacker picked her up and threw her across the room. Deanna landed on her hands ad partially against a desk in the corner, she twisted herself to face the other.

"You!"

"Oh, I didn't scare you did I?" Her eyes flashed, almost shot fire.

"You couldn't scare a two-year-old!" She saw the lustring of metal just before a kick in her said made her roll over. The last thing Deanna Troi felt was a sharp knife cutting through her clothing and slicing through her flesh just aside her spine.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"She's gone."

"What do you mean 'she's gone'?"

"She's gone." He didn't offer an explanation, he couldn't. 'What do you mean ,she's gone,?' The words played themselves over and over again in his head. What_had_he meant? He wasn't sure himself. He no longer sensed her, not even faintly; if he cleared his mind and searched for her he could only find a deep black hole. He repeated the words one more time, more to himself than to anyone else.

"She's gone."

End of Part I

~D~

So, ready for Part Two?


	11. Pt II, Chapter Ten: The Darkness of Life

Disclaimer:         Have a look at the first chapter (again),

Additional Disclaimer: There will be a slight reference to the Animated TV series Gargoyles; which is owned by Disney and_not_by me 

Rating:               PG-13/R due to death. 

"LIFETIMES" 

**_Part II: Behind the Enemy's lines._**

Chapter Ten: The Darkness of Life 

'It_is_beautiful up there. Maybe if I play my cards right I'll have my own vessel in a few years.'

"Vak'Ta Za Des'Ta!" The female turned around, her eyes flashed at the man standing behind her.

"K'Vok'To T'Ra Me!" The realization that he feared her pleased her and with a single gestured of her hand he almost ran away. She turned  her gaze back to the stars above and found herself searching within her mind. Something had changed recently, something was missing inside her. But what? Destine lay down on her bed and tucked herself in; it would become a cold night and a restless one. Ever since the presence in her mind had disappeared she had been plagued by nightmares.

///There were two men in the room, one on each side, closely watching her. They were holding disruptor-like weapons aimed at their sleeping prisoner. Only she wasn't asleep anymore, she was very much awake, she had been for quite sometime now. That time had she used to study her guards. When there was nothing left to study she figured she might as well wake up.

"Z'Y Ka R'O." 

"Keep her under shot." 'Funny, he talks English, I wonder why' Her training proved to be of use now; helped to keep up her act.

"Oh, Me Herad." She tried to raise her hand to her forehead, her effort was in vain; her hands were strained to the bed. Something she already knew. The men at her side grinning evilly, she fully opened her eyes and piercingly looked at them.

"Que Me Pla'ats? Who are you?" The two changed a look that portrayed both surprise and disappointment. They quickly slid back into their careless, malevolent attitudes though.

"We're the ones who ask the questions here, T'Ra. Who are you?" She had never been cooperative in her entire life and did not intend to change that solely because of a disruptor pointed at her.

"Why should I answer to you?"

"Because we have a T'Pa aimed at you." They waited for her to speak but when she didn't they were a little agitated.

"Well?!" She considered her options...it would do no harm to tell them her name, she was practically unknown in this region of the planet anyway.

"You can call me Des'Ta." The patronizing tone in her voice was on purpose and had the desired effect. The two men became more agitated. She had sensed that neither of them actually had the guts to fire; their superior had probably ordered them to get her to talk but not to kill her.

"Where are you from?"

"Everywhere and nowhere." True in a way, not that they would buy it but still it_was_true.

"That's not an answer to the question." She ignored them, an action which made them only more impatient.

"Why are you holding me?"

"Because we_want_to." Inwards she grinned, even though she was restrained and being held under shot they feared her. Her features softened and her voice became low and bittersweet.

"Look, I have nothing precious with me and be honest; I'm just a weak female what could I possibly do to two strong, armed guys like yourself?" Confused by the sudden change in her attitude they withdrew for a moment to discuss her request. When they returned she didn't miss the triangle in the hands of the tallest one; nervously he let the silver/blue amulet turn in his palm making sure she would see it. She recognized it instantly; it was the most precious property she had, a reminder of another lifetime.\\\

-----------------------------------------------------

Like all the nights before she had awakened with a startle, the images of her dream impressed in her mind. She wondered if she'd ever be able to forget them. Immediately she began to scan her surroundings, something she had made a habit ever since she had moved up into the hierarchy. Fortunately no-one had picked up her dream. For as far as she could tell there were no other telepaths awake at the time and neither of them was strong enough to even unconsciously read minds in their sleep. Something she was very grateful for, it had given her a valuable advance on numerous occasions. Des'Ta reached for the triangle, making sure it was still there. Another day would begin in a few hours, another day of constantly having to watch her back.

-----------------------------------------------------

Will had been completely disorientated the days after the link was completely severed, he had never realized how great the influence of her presence had been until than. He communicated with Lwaxana a lot, both drawing strength and comfort from their mutual love for Deanna. Beverly had missed her dearest friend greatly and stopped going to Mok'Ba'Rah classes for a while. She tried to stand by Will as good as she could. Data had used her absence as an opportunity to study the effects on humans when they whether or not temporarily lost someone close to them. Geordi helped Data with his quest and in that way probably dealt better with it than any of the others

The first weeks had been tough for all of them. The empty chair during Senior Staff meetings was a painful reminder of their friend and confidant, as was her chair on the Bridge. During the first several days crewmembers would come to her office for advice only to find it empty. And still during encounters with hostile species or doubtful missions Picard would turn around.

"Counselor, what do you..." Always realizing her chair was empty and why before he finished his question.

Will was...subdued, maybe that was the best way to describe his attitude. He performed his job just fine, no doubt about that. But he didn't enjoy it the way he used too; sometimes he seemed more of an android than Data was. Other than Doctor Crusher had expected however he continued with the poker games...and winning those which she was less grateful for. In the beginning the sphere had been mute, uncomfortable but fortunately that changed pretty quick. During the games they reminisced a lot about shared moments; both good and not so good. Beverly discovered that the poker games had the same impact as several collective counseling session and was glad she didn't have to pull her rank to get them to talk.

Days past and they fell back into their routines. Picard contacted Starfleet Head Quarters at the end of every week to ask if there was any news regarding Counselor Troi and each week he got the same reply: " Captain, we understand your concern but the Decoy and Commander Troi have been ordered not to contact anyone related to Starfleet. We'll let you know the minute we receive information." The news of Deanna's special mission went around quickly and soon they received dozens of messages from friends, acquaintances, high Starfleet officers and ambassador wishing them luck and telling them they hoped Counselor Troi would return safe and sound.

By then Beverly had taken over part of Deanna's tasks and Data and Will had both taking half of her usual Bridge Watches. Though neither of them wanted to admit it, they all knew they couldn't go on like this.

-----------------------------------------------------

Xi'A Des'Ta; you're expected in the KoRo in 5 minutes. Agitated she looked up and closed the monitor.

"I_know_that StaKa!" A devilish smile washed over her face when she felt the man shrink with fear. Her power had stretched to beyond her initial goal. Her servants admired_and_feared her; but still she couldn't let her guard down. Enemies were everywhere. She had of course the benefits of being the most powerful telepath on the planet_by_far_and was in addition the_only_empath which had saved her life numerous times. Her abilities enabled her to catch her enemies before they had even come close to her. But it weren't the enemies of outside her organization she had to fear the most. She was the first female in the planets history to lead such a powerful and large organization which caused quite some dismay with some of her male servants; her right hand in particular. But for now they needed her and endured her ruling. That she knew of his plans to get rid of her as soon as they didn't need her anymore was something she kept to herself; she'd deal with him when the time had come. For now she needed to concentrate on her own plans. Like more persons high in the hierarchy of her planet, she too had a hidden agenda.

-----------------------------------------------------

Commander Riker and Doctor Crusher; please report to the Captain's Ready Room. Minutes later Will and Beverly entered the room; both looked exhausted.

"Have a seat." Obeying they plumped down on the couch, both grateful to sit.

"How long has it been?"

"3 months and 9 days Sir." Will replied with the accuracy of an android. Neither of the other officers were surprised and nodded conformingly. Jean-Luc folded his hands and studied his desk for a minute.

"You know..." He looked up, stroke his chin and folded his hands back together. "...When Starfleet Command informed me of Counselor Troi's..." Inside each of them cringed at the mentioning of her name. "...New assignment they also send me a list of...psychologists qualified and willingly to serve on the Enterprise. I've opted not to start selecting until now." The Captain saw his friends stiffen when they realized what he was aiming at, he just hoped that they would be objective enough to see the necessity of having a full-time counselor onboard.

"Captain, with all due respect...we're managing just fine." His eyes studied the red-haired Doctor, than shifted to the man next to her and back.

"Beverly, Will; you both look exhausted. You've been pulling double shifts for several weeks. Beside, the crew needs a steady counselors and sickbay schedule they can rely on." Doctor Crusher sighed and stole a look at the First Officer. 'He_does_look awfull.'

"You're right." She was reluctant to admit it, which clearly sounded through her voice.

"A full counselor onboard would solve some problems." Will stiffened even more at that agreement.

"Though there's no doubt in my mind that she_cannot_be replaced." At her last words Commander Riker visibly relaxed.

"Number One, what do you think?" A bit surprised Riker looked up at his superior.

"Huh?...Oh, I, uhm, I agree with Doctor Crusher Sir." Picard sighed mentally; this was easier than he had hoped.

"No-one can replace her." Well, maybe it wasn't.

"Do you also agree to bring a new counselor onboard?" 

"I do Sir." At least, that was what his rational mind agreed on.

"Good, than if you would take a look at this list..." Abruptly Riker stood up.

"Sir, I have some things I need to take care off. I'm sure Doctor Crusher and yourself can handle this without my help." Jean-Luc was about to protest when he caught Beverly's gaze.

"Of course Number One, but you_are_in charge of personnel issues." The bald man leaned back in his chair and piercingly glanced at the younger one standing in front of him.

"I am Sir." He replied stoically fully aware of the underlying message of his Captain's words; he couldn't avoid the issue forever.

"How is he coping?" The question came just a second after the doors had closed behind Will's back. With her eyes still locked at the closed doors Beverly responded.

"Better then we had expected actually." She slowly turned her head, her hair gently dartling around the long slender column of her neck and her soft featured. "We had expected him to shut down, act distracted, rude and careless, to withdraw himself from the public eye and friends." Jean-Luc looked right into her blue eyes. 'like and ocean' But there was something else that had caught his attention.

"We?" For an instant Beverly didn't understand what he was asking but soon the meaning dawned.

"Yes, Deanna and I have been discussing the reactions of crewmembers on the death of one of the Senior officers regularly even since Tasha's death." He hadn't known this but he wasn't surprised either. Deanna and Beverly never stopped working; their caring professions always provided them with work.

"The reactions of all crewmembers?" 'That's an awful lot to discus.' She smiled; the corners of her mouth curled up and part of her teeth became visible.

"Well, at first, yes. More or less. But after little less than a year we restricted ourselves tot he Senior Staff." His facial expression spoke words to her and she answered his question before he had eve asked it.

"Deanna realized very quickly how attached this crew would become."

"The two of you never seize to amaze me." Playfully she hit him in his stomach.

"Oh, I hope so." He quickly hit her back.

"Alright, so how do you think I should handle him during the protocol of accepting a new counselor?" The red-haired sighed and let herself drop in his chair.

"Always right back to business huh Captain?" She answered to his quizzically look.

"Well actually..." The mischievous sparkle in his eyes surprised her pleasantly.

"I figured that the sooner we'd got this over with, the sooner we could go to your quarters." Her heart missed a beat with anticipation. "To have a look at the medical reports of the crew."

"Oh you!" Her eyes flashed and she stood up to hit him once again. Which was exactly what he had expected and he used the opportunity to switch their positions and Jean-Luc sat down in_his_chair. Suddenly Beverly Crusher's face turned serious.

"Very well Captain, than lets start with yours...oh wait. You're 6 weeks over due." He grinned at her but when her facial expression remained icy-cold he felt somewhat uneasy.

"I_do_expect you in for your physical tomorrow_Captain_." And with those words the Doctor left the Ready Room. Confused Jean-Luc tried to analyze what just happened.

-----------------------------------------------------

Even before she entered the KoRo she started scanning the emotional state of those inside. They were preparing for her arrival; she sensed nervousity and a slight amount of fear. There was one other telepath in the room therefore she made a mental note not to let her thoughts rush out of control. She could of course shield her thoughts for him, but that would only reveal her actual strength; something no-one really knew. The five meter high doors opened outwards on her command and allowed her access to the huge room. Des'Ta had been there many times before but the impressive structure of the KoRo kept overwhelming her. Trained as she was she did not show it. The room was dark and mysterious; enlightened by blue and green lights on the ceiling. The 20 meter high ceiling consisted of highly decorated arches and vague paintings. The high walls were made of misty gray/purple stones and a 2 meter long torch had been placed every meter. Apart from a large stone chair there wasn't any furniture to be seen. A narrow, very green carpet was placed between the doors and the chair. While she gracefully walked down to the chair she hardly noticed the fear and admiration with which the others stepped back, away from her. Her eyes were fixed on the statue directly next to the chair. It had intrigued her ever since she had first seen it. The sculpture portrayed a human-like creature; one she hadn't seen anywhere yet. It's body was shaped after human 21st century standards of a perfect female's body. The creature however had two large wings attached to her shoulders and was larger then any human Des'Ta knew. She had spend hours studying the face. If she hadn't know any better she'd sworn the creature had once been alive. The one who had made certainly earned her admiration; especially because of the eyes. Even though they were of stone they seemed to be filled with a great amount of anger, hatred and pain. In a way they reminded hers of her own when she looked into a mirror. How amazed she had been when she had found the subscription.

"Demona, may her poisoned and broken heart never have to endure life again." 'Those humans have strange habits.' Had been her first thought, second she realized that the maker talked about 'Demona' as if she had been alive.

"Ria Demona, ready for another dull meeting with those whiners?" Des'Ta had made it a habit to talk to the statue every time she was near it. Standing in front of her chair she turned around and addressed all those present with an dreadfully cold gaze.

"Ta Sa." Her whisper reached everyone despite the vast distance it had to travel and immediately her 'guests' formed a large triangle. While she spoke out something which seemed to be a spell she lightly pushed a button with her heel. The so-called spell was merely a deceive; she always closed her eyes when she cast it and thereby creating on of the few times anyone dared to look her full in the face and study her features. The room began to tremble lightly and part of the floor began to rise. Within the triangle a huge stone triangle-formed table took it's place, together with exactly enough chairs. When she snapped her fingers three lights began to shine above the table and everyone took their rightful seat. Only the one to her left remained empty. For a second she looked at it. 'Da*n fool.' The chair had been empty for quite a while now; the man whose place it used to be had made an unforgivable mistake. A worthy successor had not yet crossed her path.

------------------------------------------------------

Somehow Riker managed to postpone his task to select a new counselor, but after two more months a decision_had_to be made. And thus he got it over with as soon as possible. He selected, like the others had expected the one who looked the least like Deanna. Lt. Yro Kyara was a tall, slender, dark-skinned man with blond hair, yellow eyes and soft features; he would arrive on board the next month. Picard had given his First Officer the order to empty Troi's quarters. Riker hadn't complained, but had instead began to move his belongings to Deanna's quarters. That Starfleet had dismissed the Enterprise of any missions until the new counselor had come aboard had a positive influence on the crew and gave the Senior Staff the time to get used to the idea of a new counselor. Will's routine had returned and he behaved normally again. But inside the absence of Deanna's presence hurt like hell.

-----------------------------------------------------

Exhausted but satisfied Des'Ta returned to her home. The meeting had been a tough and heated one. With the disappearance of her left hand part of the plan had to be altered, which brought some discussion with it. Not to mention the concern and curiosity of the others at To'Ma's disappearance.

With the tips of her fingers she massaged her temples while she studied her face in the mirror. She didn't have much time for herself. New people would arrive within 15 minutes; 2 Bajorans, a Cardessian and a Romulan. Hopefully one of them could replace To'Ma. Tired she looked out her window at the city below. She knew the names and background of each man, woman and child by heart. Some had settled here voluntarily, some where forced to live here by their governments. The planet Daik was just within Romulan territory but didn't fall under the Romulan Senate. Used as a hiding place for political fugitives and outlaws the inhabitants were of various races; Human, Bajoran, Romulan, Cardessian mostly but everyone was welcome. 

Some of buildings on the planet were 'left-overs' from an ancient society that had lived on the planet centuries earlier. Others had been build by the Federation to make sure everyone had a place to live. Of course it had been an attempt get them on their side; after all the Federation too used Daik as a prison. But unlike other governments they had been civilized enough to give several replicators and other means to survive.

The political structure on the planet was simple; there was one overall leader, Des'Ta at this moment, who took planetary decisions in concert with The Representatives; selected leaders of groups based on species or profession. One could also choose to retreat from any political involvement. The primary goal of the 'government' now was to complete and execute the X-Y-0-1 plan. The plan had been, due to To'Ma's actions, delayed for several months; maybe even a year. Des'Ta had spend precious time re-assuring The Representatives that the plan itself hadn't been endangered and could still be executed despite the loss of a vital person. His act_had_been foolish and unforgivable.

-----------------------------------------------------

The Senior Staff had gathered in Transporter Room 2 to welcome the new counselor on board. Riker obviously wanted nothing more but to leave; he couldn't stand still for a single second. With a brusque nod Picard indicated the ensign behind the console to initiate transport. After the all to familiar sounds a young man appeared.

"Lieutenant Kyara, welcome on the Enterprise." The tall man energetically stepped down and took Jean-Luc's held out hand to shake it.

"Captain Picard, it's a pleasure to meet you in person."

"Likewise Lieutenant; let me introduce you to the others." He pointed at the red-haired woman.

"Lieutenant Yara; the ship's CMO, Commander Doctor Beverly Crusher." Friendly Beverly kissed him on his cheeks and welcomed him. Jean-Luc moved on to Data.

"Commander Data, Second and Science Officer." Data bend forward to give Yro the same welcome as Beverly had but she held him back in time.

"Data, have you forgotten what Deanna taught you already?" If he could, he would've blushed. If either of them had been empathic they would've known about the surge of both sadness and anger rushing through Will. Picard quickly introduced Yro to Geordi and Lieutenant Commander Fko Tzeb, the Chief Security, saving William Riker to the last.

"And our First Officer, Commander William Riker."  Differing himself from the others Will refused to shake Yro's hand and instead brusquely nodded.

"I'm looking forward to work with you Commander." But instead of answering him Riker looked him full in the face. Not intimidated the lieutenant looked back.

"Alright. Fko, will you show lieutenant Yara his quarters, the rest is dismissed." Before Fko could leave Will took him aside.

"Take the new one to my quarters; they're empty."

"But..."

"No buts; I'll inform Captain Picard myself."

"Aye Sir." Relieved the Commander watched them leave.

----------------------------------------------------

These are your quarters lieutenant." Friendly Fko laid her hand on the shoulder of the man in front of her.

"Please, call me Yro or Counselor."

"Yro then. Deanna's...you office is just around the corner. If you'll excuse me." Yro nodded and watched the Security Officer leave. The crew had been reluctant to welcome him and he hadn't expected otherwise. It wasn't going to be easy to replace Deanna Troi. He had followed several of her guest colleges while he was attending the Academy. And even though their first meeting had been quite an embarrassing one; for him that was.

///"Well, it's nice that some of you find my bone structure more interesting then my words. Maybe you should pay a visit to a college of Doctor Beverly Crusher. I'm sure she can help you at that." She had directly looked at them.\\\

Yro walked in and dropped the small bag he had been carrying on the floor. He dropped himself on the nearest chair. This would be his home at least until Deanna Troi would return.

///"Oh, not that I'm not flattered, at my age every compliment is welcome."\\\ Her sense of humor had amazed him; back then he had half expected her to throw them out.

///"How did you know?" "I'm a Betazoid."\\\ Her answer had been so simple, so logical and so da*n embarrassing for them. The rest of her lectures they had spend in embarrassment. And when they had found out that she was only_half_Betazoid they had been more then relieved.\\\ Even now, years after that meeting his cheeks flushed when he remembered that 'conservation'. What had amazed him the most is that Deanna had kept so cool and so witty, something he greatly admired.

-----------------------------------------------------

With a deep, annoyed sigh she sat herself down in her chair.

"What now?" The human in front of her cringed.

"Xi'A, I'm afraid we're now even further behind schedule." The eyes of the Xi'A flashed.

"WHAT. Yo_have_found someone to replace him, haven't you?" Frightened the woman stepped back and bent her head.

"We have, but it takes longer to inform him then we had expected." Des'Ta bend slightly forward and narrowed her eyes when she locked them on those of the nervous woman in front of her.

"Than you'd better hurry." Her words were accompanied by a slight, controlled nod."

"Yes Xi'A." As fast as she could she walked out.

"Dammit! K'Za I can't use this now! Humanz..." 'You're a quarters human yourself.' 'A quarter doesn't count.' Or did it? After all it_did_influence her way of thinking. Sometimes. Killing To'Ma certainly hadn't been decided by her human side. 'The FOOL' It_had_been right,_no_necessary to kill him. Oh, that arrogant smile on his self-righteous face. He had been so sure she wouldn't kill him, that he_was_indispensable, well he_wasn't_.

///"What have you done?" Her eyes locked on his blooded hands, chest and face.

"I killed her." With a slow nod she indicated him to explain.

"That Starfleet vessel that brings their people here...its Doctor owed me. He got me onboard and told me where she was." Not having blinked her eyes she still held his. He was good at what he did and would be more then useful in especially the last stage of their plan. But if he had done what she thought he had he had caused to great a risk. And_that_was something she couldn't allow him.

"She was just as pretty as since I had last seen her. We fought, and the bitch bit and scratched me!"

"I can see that."

"She refused to scream, I couldn't stand that. So I threw her on the floor." From behind him a swung a large, sharp, in blood covered knife between them, then handed it to her.

"What did you do with the body?"

"I dumped her in the swamps several miles out the city."

"Why did you do you it?" A sort, sharp laugh came from deep within him. 'My God, he_enjoyed_it, the KaZa Ra!'

"Why?! Because you said she was the_only_one who had the knowledge, the insight to find out_everything_about our the plan!" 'Because she turned me down! Because she refused to help me! Because she stayed with_him_and_never_spoke about me again!' Hearing his thoughts and sensing his emotions of pleasure and satisfaction she hit him on his cheek without any warning, causing his head to turn.

"KaZa Quix! You couldn't have done_anything_ANYTHING_to attract the Starfleet more then you just have! Are there no boa in that head of yours?! You D'resRaVak Pxira!" Mixing three languages now her eyes flashed with fury.

"But I thought it would please you." Ever so slowly, yet obviously furious she advanced towards him.

"Please me?! Thomas..." For the first time since he had know her she used his actual name. "...The_LAST_thing I want is the attention of Starfleet, the Federation, or any other authorial system that might ruin_everything_. And what you just did will most likely have the_same_effect as 1000 War Birds crossing the Federation boarders with obvious hostile intention! No doubt Captain Picard and that 'brother' of yours will come looking for her!" 'Boy, she is angry.'

"HELL YES I AM!!!" Frightened Thomas Riker backed away.

"You've endangered_everything_we've been  working for! If any of our supporting groups ever find out we'll loose our funding and everything will have been for NOTHING!!!" With horror in his eyes he watched her raising the knife he had handed her mere minutes ago. Des'Ta herself was outraged; with that action he had endangered everything she had worked for in her entire lifetime, but more then that; he had taken from her the one person who could get her out of this place.

"Des'Ta; don't do this. You need me."

"Hell I don't."

"Jesus, Deanna Troi was just a Starfleet Officer, why does this bother you so much?" 'She's going to kill me!" Sensing his fear brought her some kind of pleasure.

"Because..." She raised the knife above her head. "...You killed the one relative I had left." Closely she monitored his reaction.

"R-relative?"

"Yes Thomas. Deanna Troi was my mother." His blue eyes widened and for a moment he couldn't breath. But now he knew, he_did_see the resemblance in their features.

"But more than that..." Des'Ta never finished her sentence. What he felt; triumph, fear, pleasure and satisfaction made her rush the knife down; stabbing him right through his heart. Not quite comprehending what she had done Thomas looked down at the knife sticking in his chest.

"You...stabbed me?" She just glanced at him, not uttering a single sound. He felt his limbs become heavy and weak and second later he fell on the ground.

"You're mother...would_never_...have done...this."

"I'm not my mother." Her words reached him just before the last air slipped out his lungs. His eyes closed and his muscles relaxed. She addressed him one more time; knowing he couldn't hear her anymore.

"You simply should've let her go Thomas." She grabbed her phaser, aimed and vaporized him. Leaving not a single track.\\\

----------------------------------------------------

"Enter." Jean-Luc walked from the window where he had been standing to his chair and sat down as his First Officer stepped in. He had expected his arrival and already knew what the subject was going to be; as Captain there was little kept secret for him on the Enterprise. Picard had already made up his mind; he was going to allow the Commander to stay in Troi's quarters, but he would definitely let him know not to something alike with out discussing the matter with his superior again. Much to Will's relief the meeting didn't take long and after enduring a short speech he was allowed to...almost.

"Oh, and Number One; will you drop by Lt. Kyara to give him Counselor Troi's reports and discuss the date for the next crew evaluation." Concerned, as well as curious Picard watched the reaction of his friend. For a moment, a very brief moment he seemed to freeze but almost instantly came over it.

"I will tomorrow Sir." Sadly the man in the Ready Room shook his head and watched the other leave.

"Picard to Crusher."

Yes Captain?

"Please come to my Ready Room as soon as you find the time."

Aye Captain.

----------------------------------------------------

Only in Deanna's, now his quarters, Will let out the breath he unconsciously had been holding. 'Well, that went a lot easier than I had expected.' He let himself fall down on the nearest chair and took in his surroundings again. Her quarters weren't much different from his, apart from the personal things of course. No he had moved into her quarters he had replaced some of her personal belonging with his and he had put her clothes in a different closet. Satisfied with the outcome he had threw the rest of his belongings away or stored them in the ship's storages. Tonight there would be another poker game, which would, as usually, being held in his quarters; from now on in Deanna's.

----------------------------------------------------

"Hello Demona; still refusing to move I see." Unconsciously she winked at the creature of stone in front of her. Somehow every time she was this close she expected the creature to throw the encasing of stone off and leap towards her and every time she kicked herself mentally. Carefully she let her hand slid along Demona's arm, apparently searching for something. A soft, relieved sigh aired when found what she had been looking for. Quickly she scanned her surroundings for any presence and found none. Des'Ta seemed to squeeze the statue's arm which, judged by the sudden changes in her surrounding, had effect. On her left part of the wall seemed simple to disappear. She left the place she'd been standing and walked towards the new room that had appeared. The room was wrapped in darkness. Fearless she walked in and began to scan the walls for a light source. 

~Light~ And almost instantly the room was baded in light. Satisfied she walked further in. ~Close entrance~ And though she could still she the room she had been in seconds before she knew no one could see the room she was in. Like before she carefully studied the object placed in the center. The inscription in it was in a language she didn't know. Curious of nature she was determined to find out it's purpose, but as for now she kept the existence of the machine for herself.

------------------------------------------------------

"Come in." Beverly and Geordi exchanged a look of surprise; that didn't sound as Commander Riker. The doors in front them slid open and revealed a tall, slim brown-skinned man with blond hair. Confused neither of them could speak.

"Doctor, Commander; what can I do for you?" 

"Uhm, we-uh, we were looking for Commander Riker." Not quite understanding Yro intensified his gaze.

"I guess the Commander is in his quarters." Beverly had now too overcome her surprise and shook her head.

"These_are_Will's quarters." This time it was Kyara's turn to be surprised.

"I thought I would be assigned to Troi's quarters." Suddenly Geordi snapped his fingers and look at the other two officers.

"Computer: location of Commander Riker?" 

"Commander Riker is in Counselor Troi's quarters." Triumphantly Geordi laughed and Beverly shook her head for no apparent reason.

"You know, there was a time when that announcement alone was enough to make me return to my quarters and leave them alone." Both smirked at her words, totally forgotten about the confused lieutenant standing in the doors. 

"Let's go." Not even saying goodbye to Yro they headed back to the Turbolift. Shaking his head Yro stepped back inside his, Riker's old, quarters. 'I'll have to talk to the Doctor tomorrow.'

"Data," Before the android had the chance to leave the lift his friends pushed him back.

"We have a new destination my friend." Whether it was some kind of android-instinct or simply the fact that he had known these officers or 16 years; Data followed, for once without asking a question.

-----------------------------------------------------

The night went smoothly; sensitive subjects had been let alone. They hadn't talked about lieutenant Kyara, quarters or Deanna's mission. Like every poker game since Deanna's departure Will had won each of them, with exception of the first and fifth one. Too bad Deanna wasn't there, she could beat Will even without using her powers. Which was a successful cure to the arrogant smirk on his face when he won. If he beat her on the other hand that smirk would be even larger than normally. 'Ah well, I'll just have to work on my poker face.' Happy that the night had went so well the big looser of that night ordered the computer to turn out the light.

------------------------------------------------------

*Door chimes* The figure in the bed turned on her other side and pulled the sheets further up. *Door chimes* With and angry gesture the sheets were pushed all the way down. *Door chimes*

"Yeah, yeah! I can hear them!" Not quite awakened Beverly Crusher swung her legs out and ran her hands through her hair. *Door chimes*

"Just a moment!!! Computer: half lights and what's the time?"

7.30 She rolled her eyes, closed them and let herself fall back on the bed. *Door chimes*

"YES! I KNOW you're waiting!" 'God, this is annoying!' Again she swung her legs out, but this time she stood up in the same motion

"Computer: identify person waiting outside my doors."

Lieutenant Kyara. 'Terrific.' Quickly and roughly she brushed her hair and changed her clothing.

"Lieutenant, come in." Unlike she had expected there was no annoyance on his face; more so there was on hers.

"Good morning Doctor. I didn't wake you, did I?" 'Hell you didn't.' The woman sat down on a chair and gestured her visitor to follow her example.

"Actually you did Lieutenant." Their eyes met and locked. 'Is she angry at me?'

"but that's alright." Beverly got up and walked to he replicator.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Andorian Coffee please." Seconds later she returned with Andorian coffee for her visitor and 2 croissants and a glass orange juice for herself.

"I apologize for waking you, I was under the impression that your shifts normally start at 0800 hours."

"They usually do indeed; but never the morning after our weekly poker game. So, what brought you here?" Beverly picked up one of the croissants and took a bite.

"I had some questions regarding Counselor Troi." For a brief moment Beverly stopped chewing; something that didn't went unnoticed by Yro. 'Still a sensitive subject.'

"What about her?"

"Well, last night..." Immediately she interrupted; realizing what he was aiming at.

"I still have to apologize; we acted rather impolitely."

"That's alright."

"You probably want to know why you are assigned to Commander Riker's quarters."

"Yes and..."

"Deanna's relation with Commander Riker." A slow nod confirmed her guess. She leaned back and crossed her legs.

"That's a long story Lieutenant. And frankly, I don't think I'm the one to inform you." Yro folded his hands and placed them on a knee.

"I need that information to understand Riker's behavior towards me and my actions and to be able to evaluate his functioning. From what I've learned about him; it's unlikely he'll inform me himself." Deeply she sighed and slightly changed her position.

"I know you are Deanna's best friend, thus in my opinion you_are_the right person to inform me." 'He sounds as if he has met her in person.' As if he read her thoughts...

"Deanna mentioned you on one of her seminars." 'Interesting, I'll ask him later.'

"Crusher to Sickbay, Anna, I'll be a little later; can you cover for me?"

Sure Doc. Beverly drank her orange juice and made herself comfortable.

"Lieutenant, are you familiar with the concept of Imzadi...?"  

------------------------------------------------------

"Alright; I want to know exactly how much time each of you think we've lost and will loose due to the new plans." Frightened The Representatives looked at their hands. Slowly but intensely she watch at everyone around her.

"Gul Maret, you're guess?" The Cardessian's eyes met her hers, but quickly turned away. 'How do I keep myself out of trouble?' She heard him loud and clear but was smart enough not to answer.

"I'm not sure...2-3 months..." Her nod seemed a satisfied one, and he couldn't help but sighing relieved. She ignored him and questioned the one next to him.

"Vyra; how long?"

"About 6 months I'm afraid."

"6_Months_!?!" 'I blew it.' Obviously agitated Des'Ta leaned back in her chair.

"Anyone thinks more time has been lost?" One could almost hear the silence in the room. Non of the Representatives was willing to speak up; each and everyone of them afraid to become the center of her fury.

"I would appreciate it if you told me so now; because I will not tolerate any further delay." Looks of apprehension and anxiety crossed the room, eventually the only human present spoke up.

"Des'Ta; I do not wish to infuriate you, but I know you prefer honesty above fear. In my opinion, my section will need a full year to adapt and catch up." 'Let's hope the best of it.' That he was honest with her was something she appreciated, that he acknowledged that her reaction was one thing he had no influence on was something she respected. 

"Anyone else?" Again looks and thoughts crossed the room. 'Gee; can't she lighten up for once?!' 

"I guess that's a no. Alright, then I suggest each of you gets moving to make our delay as small as possible!" Hastily they stood up and left as quickly as they could.

"N'Tek; a word." Startled the Romulan turned around.

"Xi'A?" 'What does she want?'

"Sit down." Cautiously he walked back and sat down on the chair at her right side. She sensed very well that he was nervous; a good thing because nervous people aren't good at hiding things.

"When was your last communiqué with our associate?"

"Yesterday." Slowly she scanned him; making sure he wouldn't know what was going on. He wasn't nervous anymore nor scared. Apparently there had been only good news.

"And Spock?" That query_did_make him nervous. For some reason the man did not answer; she began to loose her patience.

"N'Tek; answer me." He noticed the slight raise in her voice and realized that it predicted an outburst of her fury. And if that happened there wouldn't be a single place on the planet where she wouldn't find him.

"They're concerned. They are aware of changes in the plans." Great, exactly what we need right night now.'

"I guess we'll have to explain than. Tell Spock to meet me here in two days at 1500 hours. And have our associate meet me here tomorrow at 1300 hours."

"But Ma'am..."

"No buts, tell them."

"Yes Xi'A." 'I just hope I can reach them in time.' She was about to comment on his thought, but restrained herself just in time. After the Romulan had left she turned to the statue behind her.

"A change of plans bears unpleasant repercussions don't you agree?" Des'Ta watched the statue in silence, half expecting an answer.

"You're right. But traitors are even more...unpleasant." She shook her head with the realization that she was talking to herself. "Oh hell; why should I care."

~D~

So, this was the first chapter of Pt II ;)

I'm afraid though that the second will take a while. Just keep reviewing~! :D


	12. Chapter Eleven: Collisions pt. 1

Disclaimer:       …yep, still in the first part ;)

Rating:             G-general.

Chapter Eleven: Collisions pt I 

"Alright; four cards stud, deuces are wild. Betting begins with 50." Incredibly fast Data dealt the cards.

"I pass this round Data." And he shove the cards back to the android.

"Afraid to loose again Yro?" For a moment both men locked eyes.

"Afraid to accidentally bruise your ego Commander." All present bursted out in laughs. Yro had come to love these poker nights. The rumors he had heard about the crew had proven to be true; this crew really was a family. With a mellowed smile on her face Beverly watched the interaction between the two men. Her decision to inform Lt. Kyara about the relation between Will and Deanna had been the right one. It had taken 4 months before Will had come to accept the new counselor, but now, two years later, they were best of friends. 

Yro had seemed to realize that anything he said about Deanna would not be appreciated by Commander Riker and thus he hadn't. He had waited until Riker began to tell him about her.

"Com'on Doc; surely you want to keep me from winning."

"Oh, I do Will but I'm afraid Data isn't on my side tonight." Confused by the glance Beverly threw him Data didn't know what to say.

"I fault." A low laugh crawled up to Will's throat and escaped.

"Well, Fko...you'll fault to I assume?" The Security Chief managed to hold her poker face and coldly replied.

"Not in your lifetime Sir." 'This crew knows each other through and through.' Yro's mind drifted back. He and Riker had had their fights, mostly concerning Yro's attempt to take Deanna's place and win the trust of the crew. After two years they still did not refer to him as Counselor but as Yro or as Lt. And he knew they probably never would. For the Senior Staff especially Deanna Troi only deserved the title Counselor. The first month, if only he would mention her name Will would throw him an almost deadly look and thus he hadn't. But after a while Riker too understood that he was only doing his job. Also the Commander had come to the point that he faced the possibility that his Imzadi would not return. There hadn't been a single word from her or any of the crew of the S.S.S. Decoy; Starfleet claimed to have lost all communications with the vessel. Both Picard and Ambassador Troi had used every influence they had to find out what the current status of the Decoy was; but both had miserably failed.

"Sometimes I wish Deanna would be here; only to see you loose!" They grinned at the Doctor's remark and shove their cards back to Data who collected them and started to shuffle.

"Lt. are you going to help us this time?"

"I'm afraid I would only hold you back Captain." With a slight smile Picard nodded and then turned to Riker.

"I thought you would teach him Number One."

"I did Captain; he's just hopeless." Knowing full well he was only joking he pretended to be hurt. But when Riker slapped him on the back he couldn't help but allow a huge grin dominate his features. Neither of them had expected Riker to still be First Officer. They all had expected him to accept the first promotion he'd come across; but he hadn't. And it was safe to say that everyone was happy with that. Will's link with Deanna had been severed; they had talked about that often. About the possibility that was dead. ///'I haven't felt her dying, I don't feel her living.'\\\ Will refused to give up on her, in his mind she was still alive. In fact everyone of them had chosen to believe she was alive until her death had been proved. And although he had only briefly talked to her in person, he had the feeling he had come to know her pretty well through the stories of her crewmates and her mother. 'Ai, Lwaxana Troi.' Deanna's mother had told him exactly the same as Riker had. ///'I haven't felt her dying, I don't feel her living.\\\ An eccentric woman she was; she still scared the hell out of Picard but since Deanna's reassignment she regularly came on board with no other interest but to talk to Deanna's closest friends and to make sure they wouldn't forget her daughter. Deanna's birthday had been little over a week ago. Like the times before they had celebrated it. Lwaxana was of course present also. They had not bought any present; but each of them would leave a small note or poem for her on each birthday; whether Deanna's or someone else's. They did not read each other's notes and they did not discuss them. If Deanna returned she'd get them, if she didn't...they would remain unread until the end of times.

"Yro; can I get you anything to drink?" He slightly shook his head, as if to shake his mind awake.

"Some Tralian tea please Beverly." The Doctor walked to the replicator, obviously already having asked the others what they'd like.

When she returned she was carrying a plate with several drinks and several kinds of chips. She passed the drinks to the others and placed the chips in the center of the table.

"Alright, last round. After that everyone to bed. Doctor's orders." Light in spirit they played their last round, not really caring who would win. Riker did. Obviously satisfied he watched his friends depart and cleaned up.

Beverly and Jean-Luc walked with Yro to his quarters.

"He seems to be back to normal." Both nodded. Riker had fallen back into his own life quicker than they had expected. 4 months after Deanna's departed he was himself again. Joking and flirting around the ship and whatever sector they were in. Until recently though he would still stiffen at the mention of Deanna's name. But that too seemed to have disappeared now. Yro stepped into his quarters and wished his friends goodnight. Arm in arm the Doctor and her Captain walked to her quarters. Deanna's presence was still missed greatly but had been accepted. But after little more than 2 years there hadn't been a single indication of the Decoy to be still around, not a single indication that their friend was still alive. And although they hated to admit it, with each they their trust that she was still alive decreased a little more. None of them however dared to admit that to Commander William T. Riker.

In his quarters Will looked at a holopicture of his Imzadi, each time he had been with another woman he confessed that to her, to her hologram. Desperately had he tried to find someone who could fill the void she had left in his mind and soul, but none of them had even come close. Apart from confessing to the hologram he had also made a list, intending to give that to Deanna when she would come back. Laying in their bed his mind drifted off once again. What would she be doing? Where would she be? Would he ever see his Beloved again? Tonight he would have another dream, he was certain. Somehow he had a vivid dream about Deanna every 3 weeks, he couldn't explain how or why but he actually looked forward to those nights. With a huge smile on his handsome face he fell asleep and wandered off into their dream world.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Xi'A, there's a vessel approaching our atmosphere!" 'A vessel?!'

"Identify." Quickly the three armed man began punching the buttons in front of him. 'Sometimes a third arm isn't that annoying.' His sarcastic thought filled her head and almost made her voice her compassion. 'Da*n Betazoid heritage.' Her gaze fell on the man. When he had first arrived he had been very insecure because of his disorder and furious on those who had done that to him; that was why she considered him valuable for her team and had given him a position in her command center.

"It's a romulan warbird Ma'am." Immediately whispers filled the room and a sense of fear almost overwhelmed her.

"What's its identification number?" 'How does she keep so cool?'

"No Des'Ta." Relieved she stood up and walked to the console.

"Alright; monitor its moves closely. When the vessel is within hailing range let me know."

"Aye Ma'am." She left the room and walked outside. Knowing it was useless she tried to get a vision of the vessel in the sky nonetheless. 'A Warbird without registration number...I wonder..." Unfortunately it wasn't dark enough to she any star yet. When she killed Thomas little over 2 years ago she had expected nothing less but a delay in plans, but now they had been delayed for more than a year. Something she wasn't exactly happy with. Maybe this vessel and its crew would be very useful. 'Vessel is within range.' She heard the though seconds before the message came through the com-system. "Let's see who they are." On her way back she tried to get an empathic reading from the vessel. Anxiety, pride, arrogance, hatred but also admiration. No hostile intentions, that much was clear.

"Tria, let's hail our visitors."

"Yes Ma'am." With interest she watched how well the human was able to control his unusual third arm. 

"Connection established." Des'Ta tipped her head backwards and sat down in the chair in the middle of the room.

"StoKa Rsap ta Besta." She sensed a wave of surprise emanating from the vessel, probably because they hadn't expected to be hailed in Romulan.

Ode is Romulan StoKa Ria'Ax. 

"Why are you here?" It was not necessary to continue in Romulan and she had sensed the dismay and distrust of those around her who didn't understand her words.

We offer our help. A simple announcement, nonetheless an unexpected one; even for her.

"Why?" Again the female voice came through, hesitantly this time.

We wish to join your group. Des'Ta didn't sense a lie or deception...from this distance. With a small gesture of her hand she ordered two men and a woman to arm themselves and to go to the meeting room.

"We'll send coordinates up. I expect you to beam down in three minutes.

I'll be there. 'Interesting; she'll come alone.' She turned around and walked to one of the computers.

"Kalek, what have you found?" The Cardessian looked up at her and began spitting information.

"The Warbird Ria'Ax has been hijacked by a small group of Romulan defectors."

"When?"

"5 Days ago."

"Where?"

"7 light years our direction from Romulus." Quickly she calculated how long it would've taken the Romulan military to realize the vessel had been hi-jacked and how long it would've taken the Ria'Ax to reach Diak.

"What do you know about the romulan Government concerning this hi-jack?"

"They've given up the pursuit." 'Odd.'  They thought simultaneous.

"Does it say why?"

"The Warbird was considered too old and harmless to be worth the effort and time to retrieve it." It sounded logical, certainly for Romulan logic, but something just didn't feel right.

"Thank you Kalek." Cardessians were a delight to work with; concentrated, right to the point and fearless and thus easier for her empathy. Suddenly the sense of a strong personality invaded her readings. At the same moment Tria turned around but before he could even open his mouth she cut him off.

"Yes, I know." And with those words she left the command center and went to the meeting room. Outside she held still for a while. Thoroughly scanning the persons inside. It was easier than she had expected; as if the new one was aware of her empathy. Des'Ta was quite happy and relieved when she learned that the woman has absolutely no empathic or telepathic abilities at her first probe. The woman was filled with a huge amount of hatred, directed at the Government and...the Federation. Her need for revenge was more than obvious and Des'Ta knew that was the reason she wanted to join her organization. This woman wasn't to be completely trusted. As soon as she had reached her goal she could turn from ones ally to ones enemy. But she was also someone who didn't trust other. Probably because she had been betrayed too often. Although she appeared to be tough, strict and cold Des'Ta knew that this female did not have to ability to kill someone in cold blood. 'Alright, maybe that Betazoid heritage isn't that bad after all.' Briefly a smirk crossed her face. 'This should be an interesting meeting.' The doors opened and the hostess walked in. Her guest was quite happy and honored to meet her, she could sense as much. The appearance of possible a new ally however, wasn't what she had expected. The woman was rather tall, taller than herself. But what surprised her the most was the gold-blond hair. Very uncommon for anyone of Romulan descent. Although this particular Romulan appeared to be human.

"Have a seat." 

"I'd rather stand." 'She sure looks like her.' The leader fought back the want to comment on her guest's thought.

"Fine." Des'Ta herself sat down anyway. After making sure the woman posed no threat of any kind she gestured the three others in the room to leave. 'Obviously in control.' Picking up the woman's though she couldn't help but grin.

"I assume you know who I am?" Briefly their eyes met. 'Odd.' The sitting woman narrowed her eyes; what's odd?

"Yes I do Xi'A Des'Ta."

"How do you know?" As far as she knew her name and appearance was one of the best kept secrets in the Romulan empire.

"I have my sources." 'She'll tell me.'

"Then, who are you?"

"My name is Sela." In silence to two regarded each other. Des'Ta was the first to speak again.

"Tell me Sela, you appear to be human; yet you are Romulan. I assume you're of mixed heritage." Sela's answer stole her breath for a moment. Of all the answers she had expected; that one was not one of them.

"I assume your empathy told you that?" She gathered her nerves and simply ignored the question.

"Isn't Romulan DNA usually dominant over Human DNA?" She didn't expect any answer; it had merely been a statement. Sela sat down facing her. What she sensed from the blond woman worried her; obviously sure of herself she carefully chose her words.

"You should know." 'How is this possible?! How can she possibly know?!' Able to hide her surprise and dismay she straightened her back and again ignored Sela's words...for now.

"I suggest you return to your ship. I'll send up a team that will make sure there are no traitors or track devises on board. When your ship is cleared I will briefly talk to each person on board to make sure that neither of them poses a threat to myself or anyone else on this planet. After that I suggest you'll beam down. It seems we have a lot to discuss." Slowly Sela stood up, not released by Des'Ta's gaze for a fraction of a second.

"I agree." Sela tapped her badge.

"Sela to Ria'Ax, I'm ready for beam up."

Stand by Commander.

"Until our next meeting Xi'A."

"Until our next meeting." The woman before her disappeared and Des'Ta closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair. She used a few moments to center herself before allowing her mind to go over the conversation. 'How can that woman possibly know my descent?!' Only a minimum amount of people knew that. Most of them dead by now. She had never told anyone! Although her looks certainly raised questions in those around her she had always avoided answering them. And now, this Sela could destroy everything she had been working for simply by informing those around her of her background. She did not think that she would do that however. Their next meeting would be an important and interesting one.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bridge to Captain Picard." Disappointed Beverly handed Jean-Luc his ComBadge. With an apologetic look he tapped it.

"Picard here."

Incoming message from Starfleet Command Sir. Beverly didn't miss the sparkle in her Captain's eyes. And frankly she felt the same. The past years they had been send on various missions; some of them dangerous as usual but none of them_really_dangerous. Which had been nice, but she noticed that most of the crew was actually looking forward to some action. Maybe this would be a more exciting assignment. Little did she know about how 'exciting'  this new mission would be.

"I'm on my way."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Lieutenant, your findings?"

"No traces of a tracking device or listening device of any kind Xi'A."

"Good, you and your team may go."

"Yes Ma'am." She had every trust that if there_was_any kind of tracking device her team would've found it. After all, it was a team with the best technicians and engineers on the planet. Because of their different specie and thus knowledge there wasn't anything that would escape their attention.

Now it was her turn to beam up. The task she had given herself was a simple one: make sure there weren't any possible traitors or telepaths/empaths on board. If there were none and her meeting with Sela went well she would allow them to join the organization.

"Sela, I'm ready to beam up."

Yes Xi'A. There were only 23 people on board, all Romulan. She did not doubt encountering 1 or 2 who had been used for genetic experiments and prepared herself for their feelings and the feelings they would evoke in her. While doing so she was beamed up.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"All Senior Staff: report to the Observation Lounge immediately." Simultaneous 6 heads, in 6 different places on the Enterprise were lifted up and 12 eyes briefly scanned their surroundings before 12 feet hurried to the Observation Lounge. Captain Picard watched his Senior Staff drop in and take their places around the table, leaving the chair on Riker's right side empty. A bit nervous they exchanged looks before turning to the Captain and awaiting his words.

"Starfleet Command has ordered us to go to the Neutral Zone." Again they exchanged looks; this time not understanding and incredible ones.

"The Neutral Zone?" 

"Captain, there haven't been any kind of problems near the Neutral Zone in the past 5 years."

"That's right Data; but it looks like our friends are going to make themselves noticed again." The irony in Picard's voice was unmistakable. Three mouths opened; most likely to ask the same questions. But Picard started talking before either of them could say something.

"We've set course the Neutral Zone and will arrive there in 3 days. I expect that each of you will hand me a full report on the efficiency of your departments and the readiness for battle. Lt. Kyara; I expect you to hand me a lists of every crewmember that might have more than the usual difficulties facing Romulans or battle. I expect each report in within the next 36 hours. That's all you may go." Confused looks were once again exchanged. 'Why don't we get more information?' 'What's going on?' 'The Romulans?!' But the look on their Captain's face made it clear to them not to voice their questions; when necessary they would be informed. A bit insecure and worried they left, privately asking the questions anyway. In the Turbolift they voiced their questions and concerns, neither of them expecting an answer.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sela had been clever enough not to bring all crewmembers together, but instead allowed Des'Ta to talk to each of them privately. She asked them simple questions that have her insight in who and why.

When she was almost finished she met Sela's sub-commander. The minute the Romulan woman saw her an immense amount of hatred was ignited within her.

"You." One word, whispered between clenched teeth, filled with an incredible amount of hatred and fury. The two woman stood face to face, neither of them looked away; both too proud to do so. Des'Ta used the time to get make a simple empathic profile of her opponent. Unlike she had expected she did not pick up any thoughts. Her empathy told her that the Romulan's hatred was directed towards her. She was extremely proud, self-confident and arrogant but apparently someone had undermined that. And the woman strongly believe that that someone was her. The telepath decided to leave her alone for now, at least until she had spoken with Sela. 'Lets see if I can infuriate her.'

"To whom do I have the pleasure?" She saw the surprise and disbelieve in the eyes of the other. 'What is this?!'

"Like you don't know." The woman seemed convinced they had met before, but she did not seem familiar...at all.

"Toreth." She finally answered. The name didn't ring a bell.

"You may leave." 'That's it?' Cautious the Romulan looked at her, uncertain of what she had heard. When the visitor didn't move a muscle she turned around and walked away; her nose high up in the air. Des'Ta watched her; until she knew more about this woman she could not predict her behavior. She was looking forward to her meeting with Sela more and more.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"It seems we have something in common Xi'A."

"Which would be?" She already knew the answer. Sela wasn't exactly trying to hide it.

"I'm sure you already know via your telepathy, but to answer your question: both our mothers served on the Enterprise." The blond woman closely watched the features of her hostess; hoping for a visible response. But Des'Ta didn't even blink an eye.

"What do you know? And don't even try to hold something back." With narrowed eyes Sela scanned her opponent. Lacking the advantage of emapthy and telepathy she had to relay on a lifelong practiced intuition. It would do her no good to hold something back.

"Everything." Des'Ta's empathic sense told her that the blond believed so.

"How?"

"I have my contacts."

"Proof it." Her tone was quiet, nonetheless threatening and urging. Sela took a deep breath and straightened her spine. No way she was going to let go of this chance for revenge.

"Official name: Des'Ta, no surname name. Un official surname: Troi. Mother: Commander Deanna Troi, Starfleet officer, currently stationed aboard the Enterprise E, Troi is half Human half Betazoid." 'And deceased.' The empath added.

"Father: Tarik S'ka; Former sub-leader of the Romulan Underground, killed 9 years ago. S'ka was half Romulan, half Vulcan. Neither of your parents know of your existence. The Romulan Tal Shiar obtained Tarik S'ka's DNA about 20 years ago when they held him momentarily captive. Deanna Troi's DNA was obtained while she was on an undercover operation on board the Romulan Warbird Kazhara 11 years ago." During their conversation they studied each other carefully; watching for any sign of discomfort. "Romulan scientists altered the obtained DNA slightly; giving you Romulan features and enhanced empathy and telepathy. They also managed to increase your growth speed. Their initial goal was to create the perfect undercover operative." Des'Ta's facial expression hadn't changed and she didn't express any emotion. Sela on the other hand was uncomfortable and shifted nervously in her chair. "Your education has been based entirely on that. You speak and understand Romulan, Standard Federation-language, a bit Bajoran, Klingon and Cardessian. You've studied each culture and their way of living. You're aware of Starfleet protocol and know the Enterprise and its crew inside and outside." 'So far so good.' Serenely the telepath folded her hands in her lap.

"Yes Sela, so far so good. So, why is it I haven't become a spy?" Slightly Sela smiled.

"Oh, but you have. You just double-crossed the ones who've created you." Des'Ta raised an eyebrow, indicating Sela to continue. "My guess is that you switched sides while being educated my a Romulan prisoner. He was supposed to teach you of the dismay of the people and they're hatred towards the government. I think that the scientists neglected you empathy and that during the time you spend with the prisoner your empathic and telepathic readings of him made you switch sides." She closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair. She had told everything she knew. What would happen next was entirely up to the woman across the table.

"You know an awful lot for a fugitive commander Sela Yar."

"My father had some high placed friends." The blonde replied grinningly. For the first time they had met she saw Des'Ta smile. 'Unmistakably Deanna's daughter.'

"You've known her?" Their gazes locked and to her surprise Des'Ta was_curious_! She had expected anything, everything_except_curiosity!

"Sort of...My mother gave me a picture of her and her friends of the Enterprise D, Deanna was on it. And I've seen and spoken to her several times briefly. Though I didn't recognize her." A surge of hatred and vengeance went though the eldest but Des'Ta decided not to ask...yet. Sela was telling the truth and from what she could tell (there wasn't much she couldn't) she had no intention to betray her. Sela's assistance and especially her Warbird would be useful. There was just one thing...

"What is it with Toreth?" The blonde almost jumped out her chair.

"Toreth?! What about her?!"

"What's her story?" 'How does she know?' Des'Ta was curious, much to Sela's dismay. She knew very well that if thee was any reason_not_to accept them it would be Toreth.

"Which is why I want to know." Loudly sighing Sela stood up.

"When Troi impersonated a Tal'Shiar officer she ruined Toreth's career." The dark-haired raised her hand, motioning Sela to stop her explanation.

"Alright. I have all the information I need." Without glancing at the blonde woman she stood up and left. Leaving the other a little confused and anxious.

"Sela to Ria'Ax: trailou."

Ale Commander.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Loudly sighing he sat down behind his desk. Burying his head in his hands he groaned and then looked up at the immense tower of data-Padds. His officers had executed his orders precisely as    always. And now he was sitting at his desk at 08.02 hours with in front of him an amount of information that he knew would take him all day to read. Restless he stood up, barely a minute after sitting down, and got himself a cup of Earl Gray Tea before turning back to his desk. Eventually he picked up on of the Padds and started reading. The little screen, about the efficiency of the warp engines, was full with techno babble; words of which he knew he understood what they meant, but right now understanding them was just out of his reach. Frustrated he yanked the Padd away but he felt nor satisfied nor relieved when the lifeless rectangular hit the walls of his cabin. The minute he realized that he had let his anger take control he calmed, mentally kicking himself for letting his feelings get out of control. As the doors chimed he briefly found himself thinking Deanna would be on the other side, ready to help him in his task, like she had done several times over the years. But the second the doors slid apart and revealed the yellow-skinned officer behind them he recalled the last two years. Stiffly Data raised his hand and held out another Padd.

"My apologies Sir, but Geordi has forgotten to bring this Padd along." Reluctantly Jean-Luc accepted it and managed to smile.

"Apologies accepted Mr. Data." The android did not turn until the doors had slid back together in front of his nose.

Back in his quarters Jean-Luc couldn't help but thinking what it would be like now, had Deanna been onboard. She would have undoubtedly picked up on his outburst of anger and would've been with him as soon as she could. Like the times before she would have walked to his replicator, gotten a hot chocolate (had he ever seen her drink something else?) and Earl Grey Tea, plumped down across his desk and seemingly annoyed she would have told him what a horrible, annoying, uninteresting day she had had. The times she had done that she had always managed to bring a slight smile on his face and to let him relax a little. After that she'd pick up a Padd ///"No that's one thing I haven't seen today."\\\ and would begin reading out a loud ///"Efficiency Report Security section U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-E"...\\\. She had always managed to get him reading and understanding again and if necessary she'd stay and help him until all the Padds had moved from one side of his desk to the other. Floating off in nostalgia he walked to his replicator to order another cup of tea when he changed his mind.

"Computer: one chocolate, hot." For a while he stared at the white mug appearing in front of him. He hadn't drank hot chocolate since...well, since a_very_long time. Taking small sips he had to admit that it tasted better than he remembered. With lifted spirits he picked up a Padd and began reading, fortunately able to concentrate and understand the words this time. 'Funny, how after two years she still counsels.' With a melancholic smile on his strict looking face he continued reading.

~D~

Chapter Twelve will take a while…but if you like action…hang on ;)


End file.
